Echoes: Makoto VIII

DISCLAIMER: Inuyasha and all of the canon characters featured in this fanfic are the property of Takahashi Rumiko, Sunrise, Viz and all other respective copyright owners. I do not lay claim to these characters in any way, shape or form.

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Makoto VIII

Makoto woke with a gasp. The darkness was thick enough to choke him. His heart hammered as his vision swam back into focus. He was back in the castle in his own bed.

It was just a dream.

He stared at the ceiling, his chest straining for air. His throat was bone dry. He rolled onto his side to check on Kei and the twins. Fast asleep. No one else stirred.

Just another stupid dream.

Yet no matter how many times he told himself that it never kept the nightmares at bay. It didn't matter how tight he closed his eyes. He could never shut out the screams.

His stomach heaved. He'd barely eaten a thing last night. Even the leftover carp and pheasant from the Daimyou's homecoming banquet hadn't tempted him.  All he could taste was fear.

Bile rose in his throat. He hauled himself out of bed and crawled towards the nearest bucket. He caught the rim just before his stomach gave way.

His shoulders shook as he retched. His body still ached like a broken tooth. His bruises may have faded but some wounds took longer to heal.

His memories left even deeper scars. He'd hadn't had any strength left to resist by the time Onuki-sama got hold of him. That hadn't made him any gentler. He'd spared him nothing. Yet that wasn't even the worst part.

That was when he'd told Iwakami to leave.

His stomach heaved its last. He gulped down a few breaths and wiped his mouth. The bucket was almost empty. He'd still better take care of it.

He raised his head and caught a shadow creeping up behind him. Someone laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. He whirled on the stranger with an upraised fist.

He was met with a gasp and a pair of huge brown eyes.

Makoto halted. His fist hung in the air, trembling with tension. Kei stared at him in silence. He let his hand fall. The strain didn't leave his face.

"Makoto?" Kei's voice was little more than a whisper.

He didn't reply. His heart was still in his throat. He forced down a deep breath.

"You okay?"

Makoto let out a sigh. He gave him a small nod.

"It's... it's nothing. Just a stupid dream."

"Oh." Kei edged closer. "You sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine. Go back to sleep."

"You're shaking."

"It's just the cold." He turned away.

"Oh." Kei didn't sound too convinced. "Well, if you're cold you - you could stay with me. If you want."

Makoto's heart froze. He forced out a reply.

"Y-you want..."

Kei started. "Ah, not like that! I only..." His voice caught in his throat. Makoto didn't need a lantern to know he was blushing.

"I... I get bad dreams too."

The tension left Makoto's shoulders. Was that all this was about? Well, Kei was still a kid after all.

"You too, huh."

There was a rustle as Kei gave him a nod. "Big brother let me stay with him sometimes, only..."

His voice caught again. Kei's brother had turned sixteen last summer. The summer of his first battle. Not to mention his last.

He didn't need to burden him with any more worries. Not on a night like this. He turned away with a sigh. There were some things best left unsaid, even with Kei. He began to grope his way back to bed.

Kei reached for his shoulder again. "Mako-"

He shrugged him away. "Just go back to sleep, Kei."

"But.."

"Please?"

Kei swallowed his questions and gave him a nod. He settled down in his own bed.

Makoto waited until he stopped shifting and rolled over to face the other boys. Kei had already slipped back into sleep. If only he could do that so easily. He eased himself onto one elbow and caught a pair of dark eyes staring at him.

They belonged to one of the twins. The younger one. Yu-something or other. The look he gave him was indescribable but he didn't need to say a word.

He understood well enough.

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His eyes opened to Nagisa's frown. Worry flickered across his face. He smothered it in his blankets. Nagisa cleared her throat and tugged the blankets away.

"The young master wishes for you to bring him breakfast."

Makoto blinked and rubbed his eyes. Surely it couldn't be dawn already? The shaft of sunlight piercing the blinds soon chased away his hopes. Dawn had come long ago.

"Be quick about it. Onuki-sama will not be kept waiting." There was a new light in her eyes. Something cruel tugged at the corner of her mouth. It was almost a smirk.

He dragged himself out of bed and went to dress. Nagisa was waiting for him with a tray. He took it with a mumbled thanks. He didn't even glance at the food. The smell alone was enough to make his stomach churn. It was all he could do to keep the tray steady. At least the other servants were too busy to bother him.

He dragged out the walk to the palace as long as he dared. He'd barely seen Onuki-sama since that day in the village. He'd been too sore to do much outside of stay in bed for the next few days. Onuki-sama had claimed he had a fever. No one else would risk getting close enough to check.

The journey back had kept everyone too busy to ask many questions. Even Onuki-sama hadn't said more than ten words to him in as many days. As for Iwakami... he'd be more than happy if he never set eyes on him again.

He reached the palace far sooner than he would have liked. Two samurai were stationed outside Onuki-sama's chambers, each with a pair of katanas at their waists. Neither paid him much mind. All he had to do was bring in the tray. It wasn't that hard.

His feet still didn't want to move forwards. He hovered on the spot, shifting from foot to foot. One of the samurai gave a small cough. Even that was enough to make him jump. He cursed as the tray almost slipped his grip. He'd just about steadied it  when Onuki-sama's voice drifted through the doorway.

"You have my thanks, Kei."

Kei? Makoto snuck a peak through the doorway. Onuki-sama sat on the tatami matting, freshly bathed and dressed. His hair hung loose over his shoulders. Kei sat behind him, running a comb through his tresses.

The sight snatched his breath away. He'd done the same every morning during the campaign. An icy hand gripped his heart.

He peered closer. O-Shizu sat beside her husband on a silk cushion, accompanied by their son and his nursemaid. She dangled a cloth doll above the gurgling infant. Her face was as content as his. Yet all those layers could only conceal so much. Beneath her kosode her stomach was as flat as Kei's.

Too soon. Nagisa had said as much, although not within Onuki-sama's hearing. The loss hadn't touched him too deeply, however. His face was even more serene than his wife's.

Onuki-sama raised his eyes as Makoto snuck through the doorway. "Ah, Makoto. Perfect timing."

He raised his hand. Kei slid the comb from his hair and shuffled back. He met Makoto's stare with a smile.

Makoto returned it as best he could. He flicked his gaze in Onuki-sama's direction.

Onuki-sama paid him no mind. He gave Kei a nod.

"That will be all for now."

Kei returned the nod. He put the comb back in its box and gave Onuki-sama a kneeling bow. Onuki-sama placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Relax. You're free to go." He gave his shoulder a little squeeze.

How many times had he done the same to him?

Kei scrambled to his feet and backed out of the room. He cast a curious glance at Makoto before leaving. His smile was bright as ever.

The fist around Makoto's heart grew tighter.

Onuki-sama turned his gaze back on him. "And how are you, Makoto?"

"Better. Onuki-sama," he added. He still couldn't look him in the face.

"Better enough to stay for breakfast?"

Makoto blinked. Food was the last thing on his mind right now. He took a glance at the tray's contents: a pot of tea, miso soup, steamed rice, pickles and a fresh piece of grilled trout. There were only two cups.

"Um..." He glanced in the lady's direction. She avoided his gaze.

"O-Shizu prefers to eat early." Onuki-sama inclined his chin towards the door.

O-Shizu raised her eyes. She kept them well away from Makoto. Nor did she make any move to get up. Her son made a small cry as the dangling ceased.

"Husband..."

"That will be all, O-Shizu." His voice was mild. His eyes flashed a warning.

She rose to her feet. It didn't add that much to her height. Makoto had overtaken her by at least an inch that summer. She gathered her uchikake about her, burying her resentment in its folds. She took as much time as she dared.

The nursemaid scooped up her son and followed her out of the room. The boy gave another cry as he was whisked out of his father's sight. Onuki-sama gave him a small wave. O-Shizu remained silent. Makoto glimpsed a flicker of anger in those big doe eyes before the door slid shut.

"Well, now that that's settled..." Onuki-sama patted the mat beside him.

Makoto almost flinched. He steadied himself and sat down, a good mat's distance away from him. He kept his eyes fixed on the floor. All he had to do was stay calm...

His stomach betrayed him with a growl.

He flushed and looked away. Onuki-sama's smile widened a fraction.

"Hungry?"

Makoto's blush deepened. Despite his stomach's protests, he'd never felt less hungry in his life. The rice was the safest bet. He spooned a little into his bowl. Onuki-sama raised an eyebrow. He added another spoonful.

Onuki-sama made no comment. His eyes still rested on Makoto's face.  Makoto took a hasty mouthful. Onuki-sama relaxed his gaze. He took the other bowl and filled it with rice. He set it down and reached for the teapot.

Makoto gave a cough. "Um, Onuki-sama-"

"By all means, help yourself." He poured some tea into his cup. His eyes never left Makoto's face yet he didn't spill a drop. "There's plenty to go round." He offered the cup to Makoto.

Makoto tensed as his hand brushed against the samurai's. It was all he could do not to snatch it straight back. He set down his cup and filled another for Onuki-sama. He took it with a nod.

He made no move to drink it.

You first. He shouldn't have been surprised, yet his suspicion stung all the same. It wasn't as though he could refuse. He tried a little rice. His mouth was as dry as the autumn leaves. The tea made it go down easier.

Onuki-sama waited until he swallowed before taking a sip of tea. His gaze still lingered on Makoto's face.

"So, Mako-chan." He paused to weigh his words. "I've been thinking..."

Makoto swallowed and put down his bowl.  "O-Onuki-sama?"

"Perhaps it's time I gave you some more fitting duties." His voice was a little too calm, a little too steady.

"I..." Makoto's tongue clung to the roof of his mouth. He forced down some more tea and cleared his throat. "I don't mind the work, Onuki-sama."

"Still, with swordsmanship like yours..." He gave a mock sigh. "I can't have you chopping wood all day."

Chopping wood didn't sound too bad right now. It was better than sitting here, suffocating under the weight of Onuki-sama's stare. The longer he paused, the heavier it grew. Gooseflesh rose on his arms. His stomach gave another lurch. He pushed his bowl aside.

"I'm-"

"Not hungry? And you barely had a thing yesterday." Onuki-sama gave him a frown. He offered him a piece of trout. "Eat up, Mako-chan. We can't have you losing your looks now, can we?"

Makoto suppressed a cringe as he caught the edge to his words. He choked down a sliver of trout and reached for his cup. It was near as dry as his throat. He reached for the teapot. Onuki-sama got there first.

"Please, allow me." He leaned over and refilled his cup. "You know, I could easily find you a place here. I could do with another bodyguard."

"Bodyguard?" Was he joking? He may be able to outfight most of the common soldiers but he was still thirteen. His brows creased into a frown.

"Then again, the garrison has been rather short-handed as of late." Onuki-sama's tone was light. Disturbingly so.

"The garrison?" Makoto couldn't keep the worry out of his voice this time. He tried another sip of tea to calm his fears.

"Well, if that's what you want, of course." Onuki-sama favoured him with a sly smile. "Sukemori certainly wouldn't say no to you."

Onuki-sama or Iwakami. Was that what it came down to? The thought filled his stomach with ice. Onuki-sama's smile widened as he weighed up his options.

He'd never really had a choice.

"I-" He almost choked on the words. He took another breath and forced them out. "I-I'd like to stay. Here. W-with you. Onuki-sama."

Onuki-sama tilted his head to one side. His expression was flat as a garden pond. "Is that so?"

Makoto bowed his head. Shame burned his cheeks. A raw pain burned inside his chest. He bowed lower to hide the anger in his eyes.

"Yes, Onuki-sama."

"I see." He slid his hand over Makoto's. His grip circled his wrist like a shackle. Makoto couldn't keep himself from flinching.

"Don't worry. My father won't object. And if anyone else does..." The light in his eyes said more than enough. His hand reached up to stroke Makoto's hair.

As if he was a pet. Makoto couldn't suppress his shudder. Yet there was one question he couldn't hold back.

"W-will Kei-chan..."

Onuki-sama froze him with a stare. His tongue turned to ice. His body wouldn't stop shaking. Onuki-sama leaned in until he was close enough to kiss.

"Oh, Mako-chan." His voice was dangerously soft. "Sometimes I do wonder what goes on inside that pretty little head of yours."

Makoto's scream was silenced as the teacup hit the floor.

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Constructive criticism is very welcome!

I update every Sunday.