Amazon Madness: Chapter 6: Ranma and Ryoga Did WHAT?

Miyuki: ARRRGGGHHHH!!! JUST KILL ME NOW!!!!

Dante: What’s got your fur in a knot?

Miyuki: ARRRHHHHHHH!!!

Dante: Uh, okay, maybe I should just back away slowly . . .

Miyuki: Sorry, Dante, it’s just my life SUCKS! Anyway, enough about my personal problems. Here’s the next chapter. As I promised, this is dedicated to MarioDS01 for reviewing so many times and helping me so much with this story. This one’s for you! Oh yeah, one more thing, to clear up any confusion, female Ranma will be known as Ranko, and pig-Ryoga will be P-chan.

Chapter Six: Ranma and Ryoga Did WHAT?!

Ryoga stormed through the door of the Nekohanten, his red umbrella in hand. “Ranma, where are you?” he demanded, looking around.

“Uh, right here,” Ranma said, waving his had to catch Ryoga’s attention.

“Finally! I looked for you for three weeks. And I find you lounging in here eating ramen?”

“Uh, Ryoga, we’re just down the road from the Tendo Dojo, why did it take you three weeks to get from there to here?”

Ryoga’s eye twitched. “Shut up! You know I’m not good with directions . . . .” He sat down in the chair opposite to Ranma and grabbed the bowl of ramen away from him.

“Hey! Get your own ramen, that’s mine!” Ranma said, snatching the bowl away from Ryoga.

“Give me some, I’m starving! I haven’t eaten in a week,” he retorted, trying to grab the bowl again.

“Go buy your own, I don’t have enough money to feed both of us!”

“But Ranma, you no pay for that. I give it free,” Shampoo said.

“SHAMPOO! Hush!” he said, waving his hands to silence her.

“AHA! You cheapskate! I should have known you would come up with something like that to make me starve!”

“Starve? You seem pretty healthy to me!” Ranma said, standing up and banging his hands on the table.

“Looks can be deceiving, Ranma. Remember that,” Ryoga said, crossing his arms and raising one eyebrow.

“Oh, you mean like how you look strong, but could be whipped by a baby?” Ranma shot back, grinning.

“Yes, like th- ARRRGGHHH! I’M GONNA KILL YOU!” He launched himself over the table, only to be stopped by Cologne tossing a bucket of water on him.

“SQEEEEE!” Pig-Ryoga screamed, still trying his best to amputate Ranma . . . uh . . . Ranko’s neck.

“Chill out, Ryoga, it was a joke,” Ranko said, pulling P-chan off of her arm. The pig merely flailed around, trying to wiggle out of her grasp. “And as for you, why did you throw the water on me? Couldn’t you have just knocked him out or something?” she demanded of Cologne.

“Yes, I could have, but it’s so much more fun watching the two of you fight it out.”

“Damn you, you old hag,” Ranko muttered quietly. Once again, she received a sharp smack on the head. “OW! Would you stop doing that?” she ground out through clenched teeth, massaging her sore head.

“I’ll stop hitting you as soon as you start respecting me,” she said, crossing her arms.

“Oh really? Let me know when Satan starts a snowball fight,” she said, mimicking Cologne’s pose. Unfortunately for her, she let go of P-chan, who promptly threw himself into her face and began scratching her. She once again pulled him away. “Ryoga, I swear if you don’t stop, I’m going to feed you to Pop!”

“Ooh, girl-type Ranma made rhyme!” Shampoo said.

“You be quiet!” Ranko snapped at the blue-haired Amazon. Unfortunately, the lipstick only affected male Ranma, so Ranko was her usual snappy self.

“If you’ll excuse me, I have to take Ryoga home. He has a little date with a CHOPPING BLOCK!” She snatched him up and stormed out of the door, towards the Tendo Dojo.

Shampoo watched them leave, blinking slowly. “What that about?” she asked, Cologne shrugged.

“I have no idea.”

She sighed and flopped down in a chair. “They so hard to understand sometimes.”

Meanwhile, at the Tendo Dojo . . . .

“That’s the last straw, Ryoga! I am so sick of you always doing that! You die tonight!” Ranko said, throwing said pig down on the table. “But first, I’m going to go take a shower. Feel free to change back, but if you leave this house, I swear as a martial artist, I will hunt you down and castrate you!”

P-chan sat absolutely still as Ranko walked off to the shower. When she had disappeared, he trotted off to the sink to use the hot water.

Ranko closed the door to the bathroom, and as she did, she noticed a tube of something on the floor. “What on earth? Hm. Must be some of Akane’s chapstick.” She picked it up and looked at it. It was really pretty, scarlet, and it shone slightly when the light hit it just right.

She uncapped it and quickly put some on, wiping the smudges off with the corner of her shirt. “Maybe she won’t mind if I use some. My lips have been chapped lately.”

Opening the door of the shower and bath, she sweatdropped. There were little notes taped to all of the knobs. “Aw, crap, the water heater must be broken again!” she said, walking back outside. She started going down the stairs when she noticed a now-human Ryoga sitting at the table.

“Hey, how did you change back?” she demanded. “I thought the water heater’s busted.”

“I guess it is. But there was some hot water in a bowl in the sink. Kasumi must have been washing dishes before it broke. Unfortunately for you though, it drained out right after I changed back,” he explained, shooting a satisfied glance at Ranko as she went down the stairs.

Ranko had a sneaking suspicion it was because he had poured it out on purpose. While she was glaring at him, she stepped of the final stair, and promptly slipped on a towel.

She pitched forward, right onto Ryoga. As she fell, her face crashed into his, causing a rather painful kiss.

Ranko sat back, a horrified look on her face. “Oh my god, I’ve been contaminated! Someone bring me some mouthwash!” she screamed, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

“Ranko, whatever is the matter, my dear?” Ryoga asked.

“The matter is- wait a minute . . . My dear? Who the hell said you could call me that?” she demanded angrily.

“But . . . don’t you like being called that?” he asked innocently.

“And what gave you that idea?” she asked, her eyes narrowed to slits.

“Well, my old girlfriend liked being called pet names,” he said.

“You had a girlfriend?” Ranko asked incredulously.

“Of course. I’ve had many girlfriends. But none can compare to you,” he said, leaning closer.

SLAP!!!

“OW! What was that for?” he asked, holding one hand to his cheek.

“Stop talking trash!” she said angrily. That was the first time she had ever hit someone for that reason. No wonder Akane liked hitting him so much. It was fun!

“I wasn’t talking trash, I only gave you a compliment.”

“That’s what I meant! I’m a guy you moron! Guys don’t give other guys compliments!”

“What are you talking about? You look like a girl to me.”

That stopped her. ‘What? Could Ryoga have . . . forgotten what I really am? How could he forget Jusenkyo?’

“That’s it, Ryoga, come with me,” she said, grabbing his hand and dragging him out the door.

“Where are we going, my love?” he asked sweetly.

“First of all, don’t call me anything remotely endearing! Second of all, I’m taking you to the old ghoul to see what’s going on in that empty head of yours.”

A few minutes later, they arrived at the Nekohanten. “SHAMPOO! What the hell is wrong with him?” she demanded, tossing Ryoga down on the floor.

Shampoo knelt down in front of him and lifted his head up. Her eyes widened as she noticed the faint traces of a very familiar lipstick on his mouth. “Aiya . . . he get kissed with love lipstick!”

“He got kissed with what?” hissed Ranko.

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Miyuki: Uh-oh, the secret is out!