If only you'd worn a yellow t-shirt you could have gone to a fancy dress party as a traffic light!... Still, life's full of such missed opportunities! Nice one!!
What? You mean my shirt isn't yellow? I couldn't really see because my retinas are scorched from that bright hair of mine. What about my shoes? Do those at least match? Anyway, I wouldn't be going to a dress party silly. I am wearing pants. Ah, well. All's fair in love and hair dye...
Well then you should only have one eye to keep closed while you are in the toilet. That is fortunate, neh? Though I can't imagine why that fork was so close to your eye...ah well...you really must learn to be careful...I think maybe your house and utensils are just out to get you...
Tis true, i do get to have one eye closed whilst toileted up, but the other eye has been cruelly stapled open... so not only can I see but also now have no depth perception! Oh cruel world!