Personal Demons: The Workings of the Mind in Solitude

I gagged, watching Mimiru stagger towards me from where she slept. Her skin was paler than ever and her eyes…she had their eyes…Next to her feet sat a small furry bundle. I looked more closely and realized that it was a raccoon…it was a dead raccoon.

Mimiru's legs shook and she collapsed in front of me. Her shoulder twitched and she struggled to get closer. I backed away in horror as her pale face rose towards mine. She crawled onto my lap, her mouth moving as if she were trying to talk. She smelled like dead animal; then again, maybe it was the raccoon. I shuddered and shut my eyes, No…I thought, they got her. I was right next to her, but they still got her…It should've been me…

If I wanted to survive, I had to do something. I had to get…it...away from me; so I grabbed the nearest thing of the floor next to me…which turned out to be a penny. Optimistically, I chucked it at Mimiru's distorted face. It landed straight in her mouth. The alien still came closer, not even bothering to react. But soon, a sizzling sound arose from somewhere in the room. The monster's eyes grew wide and it screamed-with Mimiru's voice-and it stood quickly, staggering backwards and holding its throat. Some kind of smoke rose from Mimiru's mouth! She coughed and wheezed; it must've been lodged in her throat. After a few moments, she fell to the floor and exhaled deeply.

Everything went still. I swallowed hard and noticed that I had been crying. I couldn't care less about that. Heart Pounding, I crawled to Mimiru's lifeless body. She looked peaceful, as if she'd been sleeping the entire time. I covered my mouth, trying to hold in a hard sob, but it was no use. Last time I thought I lost Mimiru; I thought I could go on and try to survive without her, but not this time. This time, I wanted to die. I couldn't go on without Mimiru! She was everything I had left…

I was never a believer in God. As a matter of fact, I'd never prayed in my whole life-but this would be a good time to start. I rested my head on her shoulder, lying next to her and running my fingers over her frozen cheek and sobbing violently. “Please, don't take her away…I don't want to be alone…don't take her away. Don't take her away. Don't take her away…” I repeated the same thing over and over again, but nothing happened, “I was right to be atheist…” I said to myself stubbornly, “Even if he was real, God would never lift a damn finger for me…”

I pulled Mimiru's body to the wall and used her blanket to cover her. I couldn't bear seeing her looking like that-so pale…

The penny that had been lodged in her throat lay gently in my hand. I held it tight as if I were holding her life in my palms. “I'll never let you go, Mimiru…” I bit my lip, for the tears had just dried on my cheeks and I did not want to cry anymore. I sat submissively, “They'll find me soon…I won't run away this time.”

I sat outside, staring at the pictures we drew when we were children. I smiled, thinking about how I missed those days and how Mimiru, my parents and I used to play. “We were like a family…” I sniffled and wiped a tear running down my face, “I've lost them all…every last one of them…” For once, I was truly alone.

I sat up quickly, crying out like a child. My breath was heavy, my heart pounding as never before; I had woken up in a cold sweat-a really cold sweat. Shivering, I stood and shuffled inside. My eyes opened wide in shock at the sight of Mimiru's lifeless body, “Son of a-…” I cried, stumbling backward onto my rear, shutting my eyes. Even in the moonlight, I could tell how pale she had gotten and how cold her skin was. She wasn't knocked out, she wasn't sleeping…she was dead. I heard my heart pounding in my ears: thump…thump…thump…it continued, slower than expected, the same slow beat that made me shiver. It was like a horror story, I thought, would it have a happy ending? “No…” I sat up, hugging my knees and pulling my blanket over me, “This isn't a movie…it's a nightmare…just a nightmare…I'll wake up, and everything will be normal. Everything will be normal `cause nothing ever happens in a small town like this. Nothing ever happens in a small town like this…” My voice grew louder, my words quicker; I was speaking like a maniac, “Nothing ever happens in a small town like this. Nothing ever happens in a small town like this. Nothing ever happens in a small town like this,” I screamed, my voice cracking, “Nothing ever happens in a small town like this!!!”

“Tsukasa…” someone whispered, “Tsukasa Sassi, wake up.”

I opened my eyes slowly, my blanket felt warm and relaxing. I looked up at a young woman; someone I recognized. “Is that…mommy?” I squeaked, barely recognizing my own voice: I sounded young, like a small child. I looked up again at my mother, who was running her fingers through my hair softly.

She smiled, “Hey, you. It's time to get up, sleepy-head.”

I sat up, wide-eyed; what was happening? I had to be ten inches shorter and I was in a strange house-with my mother! Quietly, I got up and let mom assist me in picking out my clothes. She turned and covered her eyes while I dressed, then she clapped, seeing I had done a good job. She followed me everywhere; to the breakfast table, to the bathroom, where we brushed our teeth…it was nice…but it was weird.

She looked down at me as I tied my shoelaces professionally. Her eyes sparkled with excitement, “Sassi, you did it! Banzai!” she clapped, “Are you ready to go to school?”

I nodded, unsurely. We got into the car and mom chimed, “buckle-up!” just the way she did when I was five…that made me think…how old was I? I looked up at mom when we stopped at the light, (I had nowhere else to look because I couldn't see over the dashboard,) and I asked shyly, “Mommy…how old am I again?”

She looked at me, at first seeming utterly surprised, and then she smiled like she always did, “Silly goose, you're turning eleven later this year. How old does that make you?”

I blushed, turning away. If I was ten…then how could this be? This isn't a memory…mom died years before I turned ten. So what is this place?

We stopped in front of my elementary school. Kids were playing outside, running and screaming. I looked back at mom, grabbing my book-bag and lunch-sack, “Mom…where's dad at?” I couldn't help but ask.

Mom looked at me again, in utter amazement, “Honey…whatever do you mean? You…you know you don't have a dad…it's just me and you, Tsukasa.”

I nodded vaguely, “Yeah, right.” I opened my door and hopped out of the Sedan. Mom drove off, waving at me as she left. I turned towards the school and sighed in confusion, “What is going on?”

Deciding to make the best of this, I looked around for Kazuma Mimiru, trying to remember what she looked like at ten years of age. I carefully scanned the entire playground-she wasn't there. Weird, I thought, Mimiru didn't start skipping until sixth grade. Suddenly, my eyes ran across a tall, (compared to my new height,) Auburn-headed girl in a fifth grade uniform. That had to be Mimiru, I thought.

Happily, I ran towards her and a group of kids standing around her. It looked as if she was telling a cool story or something. The group fell silent when I approached her. I ignored them and smiled at Kazuma, “Hi, Mimiru.” I gasped for breath; it was a large playground.

The girl stared at me in what was either longing or disgust; I couldn't tell. She scowled, this time, making it more obvious, “Who are you?” she said sharply.

I blushed and stuttered, “I-I…I'm sorry, you look like Kazuma Mimiru.” The other kids giggled, circling around us. I continued ignoring them, “My mistake. Do you know where I can find her?”

The tall girl who looked like Kazuma leaned over me, her shadow looming over my head. Suddenly, she decked me in the cheek and knocked me to the ground, sending me bouncing a little on the hard gravel, “I am Kazuma Mimiru, you idiot!” She said it sounding so unfriendly, as if we were rivals or something; she sounded so nasty and hostile.

I looked up, dumbstruck, “But…hey, it's me, Sassi! So, why'd you hit me?!” I licked some blood from my bottom lip.

“Because you're a loser.” One of the girls taunted, “How dare you just walk up to Mimiru like a dumb lemming!”

I looked at the stranger, “What? She's my best friend! What are you-…?” I gasped, realizing that I must have made a mistake. This was a completely different world. My mom is still alive, I'm ten, I have no dad, and Mimiru is a big school bully! Quickly, I got to my feet and turned to leave, but the kids around me blocked my path, chanting some word over and over like some kind of noisy cult. I tried to push myself through, “C'mon! Lemme' go! Lemme' go already!” I cried, but they pushed me back in.

Staring at Mimiru, who had her fists in the air, I realized what the kids were all chanting; “Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!” Mimiru and I were going to have to fight.

“What?!” I cried, “I can't hit a girl!”

Mimiru smirked, “exactly, you loser.”

Everything went black.