That's the Way Love Goes: XII

A/N: I'm so absolutely wrapped up in this story that I haven't been able to stop myself. I realized recently that although I had another story out and my chapters in both stories are quite long, I need to get going. Because when both this story and my other are over, I still have other stories planned. It'll be hard - it makes me nervous to start a new fanbase and I always worry what you guys will think. Anyways! Jeez, all that sounds so final - I'm sorry, this story is not over, although Choices is probably about 2/3 of the way finished. And WOW. Not only was the general consensus that I should go ahead with the InuKag lemon, but I was shocked (and a little disappointed, I might add) that so many people want her to stay with Inuyasha! Boy, are you guys in for disappointment in the future. Sorry, but as I've said, this is, ultimately, a SessKag story. You guys must not read my notes, because I keep having to repeat myself. How many times must I say that this is definitely, and will remain, a SessKag pairing?! Oh well. Don't blame me when Inuyasha… Never mind. I don't want to spoil it. *chuckles darkly* But I MUST WARN YOU ALL: If you're going to get attached to the InuKag pairing, this isn't the story for you. You're going to be sorely disappointed (and I don't want to be blamed for more crying!) in a few chapters. So enjoy the InuKag-iness while it lasts (as I am) but please, for my sake, don't yell at me later.

This song went so perfectly with Inuyasha's state of mind that I couldn't help myself. I know many of you aren't too happy with the Inuyasha arc, but I'm hoping that you'll still read. I was reigned in from posting the entire song here - it's so perfect for him, with all it's self-conscious questions, doubting, and hope. I recommend it strongly.

“Would you tremble… if I touched your lips?

Or would you laugh? Oh, please tell me this.

Now, would you die, for the one you love?

Oh, hold me in your arms tonight.

I can be your hero, baby.

I can kiss away the pain.

I will stand by you forever…

You can take my breath away

Would you swear… that you'll always be mine?

Or would you lie? Would you run and hide?

Am I in too deep? Have I lost my mind?

I don't care, you're here tonight.”- Hero, Enrique Iglesias

Surprise! A second set of lyrics for this chapter. Why, you ask? Because there is a distinct set of feelings in this chapter - Inuyasha and Kagome's love and acceptance, and Sesshoumaru's denial and hate. Don't worry, I'm not trying to make Sesshoumaru any worse of a bad guy than he is. I'm just trying to give you a little insight into what he's going through.

“Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought to doubt you;
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.

I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces
And spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.” - Over You, Daughtry

That's the Way Love Goes

Chapter XII

“Kagome, will you be my wife?”

Kagome's world shattered in that moment. She was panicked and unstable. Could she say yes? Would she say no? She wasn't sure what the right thing to do was. On the one hand, she had thought herself impossible to love again. She had hoped she would get over the pain, but she didn't want to ever forget what she had with Sesshoumaru. But… didn't she deserve to be happy?

She had been thinking of her predicament ever since it had been getting easier for her to push away the memories of her demon. Even though she loved and adored her Feudal family, it was very hard for her to go there. Even though it was far from his territory, the spiking fear that she could run into him was always nagging at her. Like a protective dog sending away potential threats to its territory - the comparison was not lost on her - her conscience's barks warned her each and every time she floated to the other side of the well. She knew that if she were to see him now, it might kill her.

So she had a dilemma. She didn't want to want to go back to the Feudal Era, which was confusing enough. But the fact that she did, indeed, want to go back presented an entirely new set of challenges. If she did nothing, the temptation would always be there. And so, she had made up her mind in the two seconds it had taken for her eyes to widen at Inuyasha's naked question.

In those same two seconds, Inuyasha heard the strangled sound coming from the forest ahead. It was far, so Kagome would never have heard it, even if it had been louder. But his excellent hearing had picked it up. He was no idiot. He had felt the youki from some distance; he knew they were being watched. Really, did his brother think he was so weak that he wouldn't feel him from this distance? And his brother had known that he knew he was there. It didn't matter. The Taiyoukai didn't wait for an answer - he was gone in a flurry of power. He had to try very hard to conceal the smirk he felt growing behind his face. And now he would simply wait for the answer that would either kill him, or make him the happiest hanyou in the world.

“Yes.”

Inuyasha's eyes widened impossibly when she said something. He almost missed what she had said - or his mind didn't believe it - because of where his thoughts had turned.

“Wha… What?”

Despite every bone in her body trying to run the other way - no, not him, you love someone else, run, RUN! - and her mind internally cringing despite the fact that she recognized Inuyasha had, in a way, healed her, she smiled at his still non-believing stuttering.

“Really, Inuyasha. Don't be so dense.”

He was going to shoot a comment back to her, his brows already drawn into a scowl, when she leaned forward and kissed him gently. When she finally pulled away, he seemed positively stunned by her actions. To be honest, ever since her… breakup with his brother, she was a changed person. She was confident and wilier. But sometimes, if he looked hard enough, he could tell that it was an act. He only hoped she wasn't acting now.

“All right,” she said with a frown. “Here's the problem.”

Uh-oh. Was she going to take it back?

“Inuyasha, you know that here, in the Feudal Era, we'll never find someone to marry a miko to a… demon,” she struggled with the word, obviously trying to hold back memories, “… let alone a hanyou. And the problem in my time is that technically, well… you don't exist.”

He looked at her with narrowed eyes. “Of course I exist, woman. If I'm there, I'm there, aren't I?”

Kagome shook her head quickly, knowing she would have a hard time getting through to him. “Inuyasha, things are different in my time, you know that.”

He interrupted her, anxious to get to the point. “Yeah, so what? You tellin' me they're gonna know I'm hanyou?”

She glared at his tone. “No, baka. Just listen. In my world, everyone, from the very minute they're born, has an identity. This is so that the government - er, the ruler - knows how many people there are, where they were born, and lots of other information.”

He seemed to get that part. He looked on in fascination, although he was still confused to where this was going.

“You were born here, in this time. So there's no way to prove you're alive in my time. And unfortunately, you need to be identified in order to get married. That's another thing the rulers like to know - who's married to whom. It's impossible to get married in my time. At least, legally.”

He still didn't really get it, and he was getting pissed off that she was making it sound like they couldn't get married. If he had to force a priest - couldn't Miroku do it? - then he would.

“I can't get a… iden-ti-fic-a-tion?” he said, uneasy with the term.

Kagome shook her head again. “That's illegal, so the marriage wouldn't be real either way.”

He had to make a choice.

“What…” She hadn't said anything about either of the holy men in her lives yet, so he was unsure of mentioning it, afraid she was moving towards declining him. “What about… Miroku? Or your grandfather?”

Her eyes shone then, and he eagerly awaited her answer.

“Miroku, as he is now married with a child, technically isn't a monk anymore. He's just used to his robes. And he still has holy powers,” she added with a smirk.

Inuyasha looked at her curiously. How had he not known? No one ever mentioned this to him…

“As for jii-chan…” Here her expression turned wicked. “It won't be legal, since you still have no identity and it will take some convincing, but yes, I think we can make it work.”

Wouldn't be legal? He didn't know what that meant in her times, exactly, but he couldn't risk anything else. He knew as well as she that no other would marry them here, good reputations or not. And if he truly couldn't `exist' in her time, then this was the only other option. He'd take it.

Why was she going along with this? Why hadn't she just said `no, it's impossible in either of our times'? It would have been so easy - she could have made him happy with the knowledge that she wanted to marry him without actually going through with it! But… He had looked so vulnerable when he had asked. So hopeful. And honestly, although she wasn't in love with him, she certainly did love him and care for him. And so she found herself wanting to make the man who had dredged her back to the living happy. He didn't ever have to know what she was really thinking. And she didn't ever want him to find out.

~~~~~%~~@

Why was he panicking? His heart was racing erratically and he was frantically seeking the shelter of his own territory. This was ridiculous!

Sesshoumaru had been wandering - he had taken to the habit again, and was reminded, ruefully, of a certain conversation with a certain miko - and the wandering had taken him, unbeknownst to him, towards Kagome's - no, Inuyasha's - village. Until he was close enough to hear the commotion, he really hadn't even realized he had been travelling east. But the bustle had drawn his curiosity, and he came closer, although he didn't dare leave the forest.

From what he could ascertain, there was an impending birth. His mind flashed to the strong taijiya, the miko's friend. Of course, it could be anyone, but with the noise centered at the edge of the village - where he knew the monk and demonslayer lived - he assumed it was her. He felt Rin's bright light, attuned to it from years of travel together. He also felt the demonslayer boy - the one that had shown interest in the girl. It was easier for him to think of Rin now. He had settled the battle within, telling himself that she was better off with the humans. Also, she seemed to be enjoying being near the boy.

And then he felt her. He hadn't been this way in so long, wanting to avoid simple memories of her, so he was completely riveted to the floor when he felt her powerful presence. He almost turned around to flee, but… Before he knew it, his feet were moving him forward, out into the open. It was like her powers were calling to him, telling his youki to come claim her. Angry, he squashed the feeling. He belonged to no one, let alone a human.

He growled, although no one was around to hear it. Despite the need to get away from her, to stay away, he felt rooted to the spot. He could feel her getting closer - did she feel him as well? Was she coming to him? Would he, could he turn away if she did? - and panic rose in his chest, its' dark tendrils squeezing his heart. And then he berated himself mentally. Panic was not befitting a Taiyoukai, and it would not do.

He listened, and was relieved that she seemed to have stopped at the edge of the village. Obviously, she had come for the birth. He could hear her voice now, and was disconcerted to hear how much it pleased him to hear her. Stomping down the emotion, he tried to listen more carefully. She was inside the home now, and between the child-bearing and the nervous males, he could hear her no longer. He found himself longing for her voice, but again, he denied himself the pleasure.

He waited until he heard the newborn cry. At that point, he told himself that any excitement that he had squeezed from this excursion was over, and that he should leave. At first, he felt disinclined to leave. But after a few minutes of only feeling her now exhausted aura, he knew he should go. He turned back to the forest. He was only remotely hidden in the dark trees before he felt both her power and his brother's youki coming towards him. They were coming into the forest? Together? His interest piqued once again, he remained hidden in between the darkened trees.

He could clearly see that she led the way - had she finally noticed him? He thought about leaving, but she stopped soon after crossing the river and he saw the concern in the hanyou's eyes. He called to her, and asked about her state. Sesshoumaru almost scoffed - any idiot could see she was exhausted. Disturbed by his defensive thoughts, Sesshoumaru almost growled at himself. But that would be silly. Although no more silly than spying on a hanyou and miko's private conversation.

That one was almost enough to make him leave, but then she spoke. And she was closer now, so her voice filled him with a longing that - despite his internal warring - rocked him. He almost missed her answer, he was focusing on quelling the feeling to run to her. She simply told the hanyou what he could tell from here.

He watched her for a moment as she watched the stars, and he felt deeply sad. He knew where her thoughts had turned, because he, too, often found himself gazing at the stars and questioning himself and his motives. And then Inuyasha's movement caught his golden gaze and Sesshoumaru literally had to bite his own arm to keep himself from running across the field and ripping the hanyou's arms off.

He had come up behind Kagome - so comfortably - and wound his arms around her! And she allowed it! His eyes bleeding red, it took all the strength he had from letting his beast take over and achieving the blood it called for. The blood of the woman who crossed him, and his unloyal brother.

But wait…

He was the one that pushed her away. In a rage - to keep his pride and reputation intact, he told himself - he bade her from his lands along with Rin. He had absolutely no right to her now. Forcing himself to look back at them, he saw Inuyasha looking in his direction. Ah, so he can see me? He's doing this on purpose. He thought about sending his brother a growl of warning, but Kagome would hear it, and he didn't want her to know he was here, since it seemed she hadn't noticed. He was disheartened to see her reach up to caress the hanyou, and the jealousy Sesshoumaru felt was unbearable.

This time, she asked the half-breed if he was well, and it drew Inuyasha's attention back to her. He could see her toying with the jewel they protected. His brother looked straight at him as he replied, telling her everything was well. He assumed Inuyasha was trying to send him a message. He wouldn't let it faze him.

And then he saw the resolve in his brother's eyes. He knew, and he felt he should turn away. But he couldn't. Torturously, he watched as the hanyou captured her lips. They remained thusly for some time, and Sesshoumaru had so many emotions flitting through him, he was unsure of what to do. He wanted to rip them apart and run away with the woman - he realized then that he could break her in the process, when did she get so thin? - but he also wanted to chain himself to a wall and never think of her again. Envy, hatred, longing, and self-loathing warred within him like a maelstrom, and he didn't know how to act.

Then, thankfully, it was over. Unfortunately, Kagome seemed appreciative, and he couldn't stand the tone in her voice, aimed at his brother. The only thing that stopped Sesshoumaru, in that moment, was the look on Inuyasha's face. He seemed worried, and the youkai hardly thought his brother should be worried after taking Kagome's lips so possessively.

And then the hanyou was confessing. It was slow, since he was nervous. He hesitated a lot and was trying to get the correct words out. He apologized for their past. And Kagome was forgiving him. Despite everything he put her through, she was forgiving him. Although if she didn't, she wouldn't be Kagome. His brother was then speaking in riddles. Sesshoumaru didn't try to understand, he just wanted to see Kagome's reactions. Perhaps she would remember why she had fallen out of love with the hanyou and would walk away?

He was disturbed to find he was hoping for this conclusion.

Frowning at himself, he kept listening to Inuyasha's rambling. He was waiting for Kagome to say something so intently he almost missed the half-breed's question. He smelled the tears as he roared within the confines of his head. No! Not with him! You belong to me! You do not love him! Inuyasha reiterated his question, and it was too much. The betrayal and anger was too much, and a groan escaped his lips. Without waiting for the answer, he turned to run. But not before meeting Inuyasha's knowing gaze.

~~~~~%~~@

After they had decided that, legal or not, they were going to get married in her time, Inuyasha could stand it no longer. He lifted Kagome in his arms, swinging her around. She giggled, thrilled that she had made him so happy. She was convinced then that she could do this for him, if just to see him like this.

“Gods, woman,” he practically groaned into her ear, “I can't even tell you how happy you've made me.”

He swept her into a slowly building kiss then, and Kagome could feel his need growing. He was careful at first, his lips moving with hers. But then he became needy and desperate, as if she would blow away with the next breeze. A tiny part of her brain wondered if he was going to try to have sex with her then, and part of her wondered - despite her earlier thoughts - if she would let him.

But how could she deny him? She needed to feel whole again, and if - she cringed at the thought - she couldn't have the man she really wanted, wouldn't it be enough to have Inuyasha? She hoped so.

He was pulling away then, and grabbed her hand. He began leading her over the bridge again, but once they were on the other side of the river, it was too much for him. He scooped her up in his arms and practically ran back to their friends' house. By now, anyone who wasn't related had left, and those that were had gone inside. Despite her protests and angry, meaningful looks, Inuyasha swept into the home with Kagome in his arms.

They both blushed slightly at the scrutinizing stares, but then Sango's face lit up into a grin. “Are you…?” She wasn't able to finish, hoping against hope that the two were back together. After all, it was paining her to see the woman she called sister hurt so deeply. The demonslayer wasn't stupid - she knew Kagome didn't easily get over heartbreak, after all the pining she had done over Inuyasha. But she also knew that the cruel Taiyoukai had gotten his memory back, and both she and Kagome knew his softer, caring side wasn't coming back.

“Well done, Inuyasha.” It had come from Miroku, who was sitting next to his wife.

Kagome sent her fianc- she didn't want to explore the reason that word killed her so much - a glare. So, he had told Miroku before it even happened? But the hanyou only responded with a grin that spread from fuzzy ear to fuzzy ear. How could she stay mad at him when he was so happy? After all, a smile was all part of the charade. If she didn't appear happy now, they would see right through her. She took it upon herself to say something. That would convince them of any doubts.

“We're getting married,” she said with a smile, looking at both Miroku then Sango.

And so the commotion began. Sango's squeals of delight, Miroku's pats on the back. Kohaku crossed the room from where he had been standing with Rin, Shippou, and Kaede to congratulate them. Kaede offered her prayer from where she was, cooking a meal for the tired new mother and their family. Shippou, always so perceptive, gently offered Kagome a smile, which she reciprocated. But Kagome avoided one set of eyes. Big brown eyes that would look right through her. Fawn-like eyes that would see her deception.

Rin could tell that Kagome wasn't happy. She had known all this time. Ever since - a few months ago - she had begun seeing Kagome by the well, she could see it. The tightening around the miko's eyes when she smiled. The convenient changing of subjects whenever something reminded her of the demon. Her subtle looking away when something was difficult to talk about, even though she never let on that it was.

Only because she had spent time with her, and because Rin often felt the same way, did she know Kagome's pain. And she wasn't going to stand for this… charade. Oh, she wouldn't dare embarrass her friend here. No, she would find her alone and scold her. This lying would not do, and it would only hurt Inuyasha more if he found out.

With the thought of Inuyasha's name, Rin looked to him. He was still as happy as an ignorant fool could be. She could understand why Kagome was doing this. Obviously, she felt she owed the hanyou something. Rin wasn't stupid; she knew the animosity that stewed between the brothers. And the fact that Kagome had been between them, each wanting her, one having lost her and the other having found her, wasn't easy to swallow. If she looked carefully, she thought Inuyasha looked a little smug, even.

But she had been there. She had heard her Lord's words. And it had seemed he was most angry with Kagome - with the fact that he had been with a human woman. Rin had begun to blame him less and less on her own behalf, but she was quite upset with him for destroying Kagome so thoroughly. Kagome had - in the few weeks she was able to spend with her - become a sister, friend, and mother in one. And now, Kagome was suffering because the youkai she had followed so obediently, so carelessly, had turned against them both. All because of his memories.

Rin stared her down hard. She didn't dare frown in the least; anything besides good will would give the two of them away. But she didn't smile, either. Kohaku, ever aware of his lovely Rin's moods, noticed and came to stand beside her again. He wanted to speak with her badly, but knew this was not the place. No matter how low his voice or how he shielded it, the hanyou would hear. And the question he wanted to ask would not be in Inuyasha's best interest. So he would wait until he could get Rin alone. Although he had a sneaking suspicion that his betrothed was aching to get someone else alone.

She could feel Rin's eyes boring into her, as if they were silently accusing her. So, the girl knew? Oh well, there wasn't anything she could do about it, then. But she felt that no matter what, Rin would not say anything to anyone. They had bonded greatly in their time together, and she had even helped her get together with the silent, brooding young man that now stood by her side.

But just knowing that Rin knew was disconcerting. She needed to leave. She needed to get away from here. The air was stifling, but in a different way now. She had to…

“…me?”

She blinked, looking at Inuyasha. “Eh?”

The room erupted with laughter.

“Busy planning the wedding already?” Sango said wryly.

Inuyasha smiled down at her. She looked confused, and he took pity on her. “Miroku was trying to ask you something, but you didn't seem to be here.”

“I'm so sorry, Miroku,” Kagome blushed.

Characteristically, he waved it off. “Do not trouble yourself over it,” he smiled. She looked to him to continue, so he tried again. “I was asking if you perhaps would like me to see over your wedding?”

She was struck for a moment - wasn't he unable to perform his, er, monk-ly duties now?

He seemed to understand, and answered her question without hearing it. “It is true, I cannot legally bind you, since I am not a practicing monk anymore. But even were I, it would still be against our laws - as Buddhists - to wed a hanyou and human. But I assume that you cannot legally wed in your time as well?”

He meant for her to answer, she knew. How would he have known? “Yes,” was all she could manage.

“In that case, although it would be false, I could still join you. It would be for all of us, and I'm sure the villagers would enjoy it.”

The villagers. It was all spiraling out of control quickly, and she couldn't stop it.

Before she knew it, the entire day was planned. She only nodded dumbly or offered `yeses' where needed, but couldn't voice any other idea, because she knew that if she opened her mouth for more than one second, she would either scream, cry, or take it all back. Maybe, she mused, she would do all three.

Inuyasha had proudly told their friends of Kagome's earlier idea, so they all busily planned a double wedding. They would have the big ceremony here: near Goshinboku, they would build an altar. Kohaku would look after Inuyasha, Rin and Sango would look after Kagome. The whole village would be invited, and as was customary, they would bring whatever they thought was necessary - food, gifts, or coin. Inuyasha scoffed at this - food was going to be needed for everyone, but they didn't need presents or money from their village.

In that moment, Kagome found the courage to continue, because she was reminded of why she was doing this. Selfless, sweet Inuyasha, who had never let her down. The one who hadn't abandoned her.

They continued, telling her that in her time, they could plan an evening wedding. Obviously, only her family would be able to attend. So it didn't require much planning. They left it up to Kagome to deal with that.

The rest blurred for Kagome. She couldn't listen to people she loved so much speak of her future as if it was so obvious. Like this had all been planned so long ago. We were all making wedding plans for the two of you ever since Naraku's defeat, Sango would say. We all knew it would always be the two of you, Miroku would agree. Meant for each other, Kaede would continue. I'm sorry - they were all just waiting on me, Inuyasha would offer.

She avoided the eyes of the one person that now knew her best. The one person that had been shunned as she had. The one person who would not be congratulating her. The only one who would be saying `No, they weren't meant for each other. Kagome belongs to someone else now.' Rin.

~~~~~%~~@

The days blurred and blended, leaving Sesshoumaru in a state of hatred and confusion. Confusion because he wasn't sure when the last time he slept was. Confusion because every time he closed his eyes, he saw her face and heard her voice, or saw Inuyasha's smirk. The hatred was easier. Hate was ugly. He hated his brother for being such a bastard - he should have killed him long ago. He hated Kagome for accepting to marry a hanyou. And most of all, he hated himself.

Oh, there were so many reasons to hate himself. First and foremost was because he absolutely, positively, completely, entirely, certainly and definitely did not want a human woman. Mostly. Because then his Great and Terrible father would look down or up at him, depending on where he had been sent, and would give him that annoyingly knowing smirk he remembered. He could almost hear the ensuing chuckle.

`So, following in your father's footsteps, eh, son?'

No.

`I expected it from Inuyasha and hoped it for you, but I never thought you would go this far. You surprised me enough with Rin.'

He was surprised to imagine his father speaking of Rin, but it didn't change his answer. Hn.

`You know, you love her.'

No. Funny how he felt he was lying to himself.

`Then why do you grieve so?'

He wanted to tell his imaginary father's voice that he wasn't, that he would not stoop to loving a human, and could he please leave him alone to sulk? But the anger was too much, and Sesshoumaru was a man that never felt the need to explain himself, even to visions of his dead father.

No.

The Dog General laughed, a dark and deep sound. It was so familiar that Sesshoumaru was stunned; it sounded so real. `My son, you delude yourself. One day, you will wake up and find that you are too late. And you will hate yourself more than you do now. You will suffer.'

Sesshoumaru had the decency to growl. Did his imagined father not realize how much he hated the woman for intruding in his life and taking things from him she had no right to?

No.

Again, it was so familiar Sesshoumaru thought his father was standing next to him. There was a long, suffering sigh. `So be it. You will learn the hard way. But I warn you, Sesshoumaru. The longer you keep fighting acceptance, the harder it will be to find yourself.'

And with that, the voice was gone. Sesshoumaru was stunned. Had he actually made that up? He hadn't known he was so creative. But, since it had been an imaginary conversation, he needn't take heed. The advice was unwanted and unnecessary. So he would continue to hate himself, his brother, and the miko. After all, it was easier to hate her, now that he saw how much better he was off without her. If she was around, he was certain his imaginary father would revisit him just to taunt him. On an off note, it was duly noted that his father was a lot more sarcastic than he remembered.

Laugh if you may, father. But I am over her. Well, if there was something worth being over in the first place. Which there absolutely was not.

~~~~~%~~@

The reception at home had gone well. Mama had been surprised but was happy. Her brother was thrilled to be related to a half-demon. Her grandfather… that had taken some work, with help from all around. But eventually, he had relented, if only because his daughter-in-law asked so nicely. Kagome couldn't help feel that he was the only one that was looking out for her, although if he had any idea who she really wanted, he would probably have a stroke.

Kagome listened as they sat around the dinner table discussing her future. She didn't say anything. It was mostly her mother and fianc- she cringed - that spoke. It was already late and Souta had even excused himself to go to bed when Inuyasha was telling his future mother-in-law the plans that they had made for the Sengoku Jidai. She had thought them lovely, and mentioned having the same ceremony done here, under the same tree. Inuyasha was ecstatic, and Kagome could only smile and nod.

Knowing her daughter wasn't fond of being the center of attention, Mrs. Higurashi allowed Inuyasha to do most of the talking. He was so excited. But she knew the young woman well, and could see she was putting on a brave face. The heavy knowledge of why her daughter wasn't truly happy weighed her down. She wished she could alleviate it. She wished she could tell Kagome that she wasn't lost - not yet. There was hope for the future, if only she could hold on long enough to get through it. She wanted to let her know that the demon she loved so much was hurting as much as she, and had been for several centuries.

Of course, this didn't lessen her anger. She knew without a doubt that if she had one-tenth the powers her daughter had, she would fry the pompous demon that had hurt her daughter so much. She knew she hadn't been able to change the past for fear of changing the future. She had also known that it was destined for Inuyasha and Kagome to be married - the youkai had told her so himself. What she didn't still understand was why, if he loved her so and regretted his past actions, did he let this go on? Why did she constantly have to mask his presence with bottles upon bottles of bleach? She understood that in order for the past wedding to take place, the future one did as well. And perhaps, he knew her daughter better than she; there was no question in her mind that if he revealed himself to Kagome now, she would take him back in a heartbeat. If only the demon were more talkative. He hardly ever explained himself.

~~~~~%~~@

The months went by, and the buzz about their wedding had calmed in order for a new buzz to take its' place - Kohaku and Rin's wedding. She was going to be thirteen in a few weeks and Kohaku was sixteen, and it was more than acceptable for them to get married in their Era. Especially since Kohaku was such a wonderful provider. He, Miroku, and sometimes Inuyasha - when he found time to come back - were nearly done building the home he would share with his new bride. He had also claimed some land, building crops to trade with and use for their own meals. He wasn't a successful hunter - he never liked to kill, even for his own nourishment - but Rin had happily agreed to take it upon herself. She had no problem fishing, and hunting wasn't as daunting for her, being raised by a youkai such as Sesshoumaru.

Rin had also taken to learning from both Kaede and Sango. The older miko was teaching her to cook and sew, and along the way, Rin had taken an interest in the way of the miko. She would be married, so she wouldn't be a true miko, but she could help the sick and that's all Rin really wanted. Her future sister-in-law taught her much about being a wife and mother, although Rin wasn't eager for that part. To be honest, the village life was a little stifling for her, growing up wild and traipsing along after a demon lord to fight. Kohaku understood this and loved her anyways.

After Kagome's stories of Christmas, Rin had wanted a winter wedding. Kohaku had tried to talk her out of it, begging for the villager's sakes. It would be cold, and they would all be miserable listening to the ceremony in almost snow-worthy weather. Of course it didn't often snow in Edo - if it did, it melted quickly - but the biting wind would be enough for the villagers to decline the invitation.

Kagome hardly came to visit her, and she knew why. She knew the miko would have a hard time facing her, and probably didn't want to talk about it. But Rin knew she needed to talk about it. Especially since everyone else seemed so oblivious. But she couldn't reach into the well and pull Kagome out, and Inuyasha seemed unable to convince his future bride to come to her.

With only a month before her wedding and then four more months until Kagome's, Rin wondered if she could ever make her friend see the error of her ways.

~~~~~%~~@

There was a loud crash from the bathroom to which Kagome's eyes opened wide. She knew it was going to be trouble. She had tried to talk him out of it, telling him that it wasn't necessary, since they were going to the Feudal Era, but he had seen her appreciative once-over and wanted to do this for her.

“Are you okay?” she asked tentatively, her hand on the bathroom door.

“Fucking fine,” he grumbled.

She could hear his struggle and laughed quietly to herself, knowing he was too absorbed to hear her. She had offered her help before, but he wouldn't have it. Oh sure, he had agreed at first, since there was no one else he would rather have helping him with these sorts of things. But when she brought her hands to his body and had to pull, grab, and over-all touch, he pushed her away. She smirked now, remembering.

Since they had taken their relationship to the next level with kissing, he had been reluctant to go further. Beyond reluctant. He was downright noncompliant. She knew that he was inexperienced, but she also had the sneaking suspicion that he wanted to marry her first. She sighed to herself. Damn honorable, recalcitrant hanyou.

He had heard her sigh - one he knew well; it marked her impatience with him - and was worried now. For god's sake, he wanted her to help him, but her innocent touches drove him mad! And he was absolutely intent on making her his own only once they were bound. It was the only way he knew she wouldn't be making a mistake. He wasn't stupid; he knew she still thought of his brother.

He finally opened the door, worry etched into his features. His shirt was only half tucked into his pants in a haphazardly manner. Said pants were crooked and unzipped, and his socks were… let's just say not right. Kagome would have sighed again if it hadn't been so funny.

She laughed. “Didn't Souta teach you anything?” She didn't wait for an answer; she tugged on his pants to straighten them as she used her other hand to tuck the shirt in properly.

Her brother, when finding out that Inuyasha was going to slowly begin to wear modern clothing, took it upon himself to teach the hanyou about clothes. But Inuyasha had a short attention span - if they weren't instructions on killing a demon, he wasn't interested. Of course, he could barely even pretend to pay attention with Kagome, so she had foisted him upon her brother, who took the charge seriously. Unfortunately, Inuyasha had not. Obviously he had been daydreaming when Souta had taught him to put the clothing on properly.

He grumbled, feigning ignorance. “Keh, it's not that. It's the fact that it's all still so weird.”

Kagome's eyes grew sad. “Inuyasha, I've told you a hundred times, you don't need to do this for me.”

He frowned at her. “Save it, woman. If we're gonna be married, and you're gonna wanna spend a lotta time here, I can't run around in my regular clothes, right?”

Kagome's eyes softened, knowing how strange and unfamiliar this was for him. “I know, Inuyasha. It's just that… I don't need you to change. I like you… just the way you are.”

Except for their impending vows, those were easily the most important words he would ever hear. And for that, he would change everything, just to be with her.

~~~~~%~~@

The wedding was beautiful. They had decided to use a small inn the village housed, and so the villagers had piled in to keep warm. There wasn't much room, but the festivities were merry and the sake plenty. Everyone looked at Inuyasha oddly - as they often did with Kagome - with his button down shirt, pants, and shoes, but with his rash attitude and malevolent glares, no one dared ask. Except, of course, his friends, who thought Inuyasha no more dangerous than a Shiba Inu. This did not help his mood.

Miroku had laughed. “So, Inuyasha, are you finally realizing that Kagome makes the rules?”

“I asked for this,” he had growled.

“Of course you did, my friend,” Miroku had said - a little too sympathetically - before patting Inuyasha on the back. They walked together towards the monk's home, where his young brother-in-law was getting dressed.

Sango, child on hip, had brought Kagome to the inn, where they were going to get Rin dressed in an elaborate wedding kimono. Rin and Kohaku had lied to everyone, telling them they had bought it themselves. The truth was that Jaken - by his begrudging master's wishes - had cornered Kohaku in his own rice field and bade him accept it. It was all too much. He had first thought to dump it; he knew it would cause trouble. But how could he refuse Rin her only dowry? Of course later, Rin informed him that there had also been a pouch with some jewels. Confused, Kohaku asked of their nature. Rin knew Sesshoumaru had no money and no need for money, as he only sought power, and when one had limitless power, the things you sought were usually given, taken, or handed down.

The last option was Rin's guess. The kimono - once she inspected it in private - was so finely made, so intricately designed, so richly colored, that she could only assume it once belonged to Sesshoumaru's mother. The jewels, obviously made for a female, were also for someone only of the status of a queen. And short of stealing them - which, although it was in his power, was completely beneath him - she could think of no other way.

And so Rin came to the conclusion that her lord, although reluctant to take her away again, still cared for her. And she knew, in that moment, that she had to claw, lie, dig, and grit her teeth to both honor her father and her friend. Because if Kagome were to find out that he had come so far to accept his makeshift daughter once again but still shun the woman he had loved, it would most probably kill her. She was probably the only person that knew that, too. Everyone else was entirely too wrapped up in the enigma that was Inuyasha and Kagome.

So it was that Rin began to cry when Kagome had complimented her beautiful wedding kimono and wished for her own. Sango and Kagome had fretted, worrying that the young woman was having second thoughts. But Rin had assured them she was fine, and was only wishing that Kagome could have a real marriage. Sango had taken the bait, assuming she meant the false union to Inuyasha. But Kagome felt that her young friend meant something else. Again, Rin hated lying.

Realizing it was now or never, Rin sweetly asked Sango to fetch the traditional wedding makeup, which she had left in the woman's home. Kagome offered to do it, wanting to get some air, but Rin had insisted a little strongly. Once she was positive they were alone, Rin turned to glare at Kagome.

“Kagome,” she said in a hard voice that made the woman take a step back. “Why are you doing this?”

The miko looked confused. “Helping you? I-”

“Kagome!” she said loudly, snapping her friend out of her confusion with an angry stare.

Understanding, the guardian of the Jewel looked away, suddenly not so courageous.

Softly now, Rin walked up to her friend and put an arm around her shoulder. “Kagome, you have no idea how much I'm hurting for you.”

This brought her up short. Now she was hurting Rin as well?

“Kagome, do you have any idea how much you mean to me?” the girl whispered, tears brimming, threatening to spill.

Kagome finally kicked her vocal cords into action. “Oh, Rin! You mean so much to me, too! You're so much more than a friend, or even a sister…” Not able to help herself, her own tears spilled as she clutched Rin into a hug.

The last kimono Sesshoumaru had commissioned for her - picked up shortly after Rin came to live in Edo - was now soaked with Kagome's tears, and Rin found an odd irony about it. “Please, Kagome. I know how much Inuyasha means to you, but…”

“Rin, please… Please don't force me to talk about it. We've been doing good, haven't we? I've been coming by, I've been eating, and I've been living. What more do you want?”

Rin pushed her away to look into her defeated eyes. “I want to know why you would put yourself through marrying someone you don't want to marry! If you had your choice, it would be Sesshou-”

Kagome clamped her hand over Rin's mouth, hard. Angrily, she glared at her friend. “Don't you dare, Rin. Don't say it.”

In that moment, Rin understood just how deeply Kagome's wounds went. And no one, save Sesshoumaru himself, would ever be able to repair her. She sighed in defeat, and Kagome released her.

“I just want to know why,” Rin said after a few moments.

“Because…” Kagome began softly. “If it weren't for Inuyasha, I would be dead. I've been… I don't know what I've been,” she admitted, and Rin nodded knowingly, remembering how Kagome looked the first time she saw her. “I… owe it to him. He loves me, and I don't want him to go through the same heartbreak-” her voice broke here, a sob escaping, “-that I went through. If I can save him, then at least I'm living for something.”

It was probably the saddest thing Rin had ever heard. But she would keep her friend's secret. By the time Sango got back, everything seemed as it was before, the women chatting away about the impending nuptials.

They slaved over getting Rin into the too-big kimono - the girl had lied yet again, saying they purchased one that had been reduced because it was used already by another woman. Kagome had only had a little practice and was useless with the obi, but Sango, who had practiced, saved the day. Kagome, however, had brought some tools from her time with her and used it for applying Rin's chalky white and blood-red makeup. The result gave her a softer look, and Rin was enthralled.

With all the time the preparations took, there was still a little time before the ceremony. The men, having been ready ages ago, assembled the altar in front of the Sacred Tree. The women, however, could do nothing but wait. And apparently, they chose their time to pester Kagome with questions about her own upcoming wedding.

“What will your kimono be like in your time?” Sango asked.

“Oh, I won't be wearing a kimono,” Kagome said nonchalantly. The two other females looked scandalized. Kagome laughed at their expense. “I may be part of a traditional shrine, but the wedding is going to be anything but traditional.” The listening women nodded, understanding a little. “You see, in my time, there are so many options for weddings. There are traditions that other lands to the east and west that have other rituals that we observe, like Christmas.”

“West? Like China?” Sango asked innocently.

“Far more west than China,” Kagome giggled.

“There are other lands beyond China?” her friend asked, wide-eyed.

“Yes, Sango-chan.” She smiled wryly. Then Kagome noticed that Rin was looking at her like she had grown another nose on her face.

“Kagome, everyone knows there is nothing beyond the sea. The fishermen all speak of how there is endless ocean to the east,” Rin said, speaking slowly as if her friend were daft.

Kagome laughed again, louder this time. “Oh, there is land to the east, all right. It just hasn't been discovered by our people yet. To be frank, our people like to keep to themselves. We're not exactly explorers. It actually gets us in a bit of trouble with the east later on,” she explained, trailing off, remembering the horror of Hiroshima.

Sango and Rin eyed each other and shrugged, knowing it was beyond them. They would never know of such things. But that didn't bother them, since they were both very practical women.

And then Kaede had rushed in, telling them it was time. They arrived at Goshinboku to find Inuyasha and Miroku waiting for them. The priest worked quickly, performing the ceremony and leaving, since he had no further ties to the village. The guests retired to the inn, where they feasted and congratulated the happy couple. And throughout the night, Kagome caught Inuyasha stealing glances at her with a dreamy look in his eyes.

It was enough to make her break into a cold sweat, after her soul-baring confession to Rin.

~~~~~%~~@

He couldn't not go.

He told himself that he was merely going to see Rin off, although she wouldn't see him. Of course Kagome would be there, but that was of no consequence. He wasn't going to the wedding to see how she looked, to hear her voice. No, he was going to see Rin married to Kohaku. Really.

He watched the four women, ranging from the recently matured Rin to the aged Kaede, approach the area where the men and priest were waiting. He wanted to growl as he saw Inuyasha's eyes glued to Kagome's form. Not only was he disconcerted with the fact that he found himself warning Inuyasha for something he had no right to and did not want, but when his eyes strayed to the woman in question, he couldn't help the sudden intake of breath.

She was lovely, even more gorgeous than the bride. She was wearing her modern clothing - as was Inuyasha, he noted curiously - but it was different from anything he had ever seen.

When she was walking towards the arch and stage that Kohaku stood under, awaiting their arrival, her form had been covered completely by a thick cloth that trailed from her slender neck - exposed, since her hair was piled high on her head in disarray that matched her expression - almost to her ankles. He had noticed the odd shoes that not only added inches to her height but seemed unstable, the pointed end constantly sinking into the soil as she walked. But the tan garment seemed to engulf her, giving her a squarish, bulky look.

But now, as she had turned and was - although her focus was on her friends - facing him, he saw what was underneath.

The outer cloth, he could see now, had been to protect her from the cold December air. Under it, she wore a black piece of clothing that shimmered in the sun, like an eclipse. It clung to her too-thin body, but she looked beautiful anyways. She was covered modestly, the clothing coming to her feet, but the way the fabric held onto her shape… his hands twitched with the desire to explore those curves.

Gritting his teeth, Sesshoumaru decided he had had enough. It was silly, this indecision and sudden pining after a mortal. He was practically a god, and gods didn't take humans as mates.

You're forgetting about me, he heard his father say, humor embedded in his tone.

He was still imagining his father's taunting berating? Along with the immoral longing for the woman, he contemplated something being very wrong with himself. Perhaps his mind needed a rest. Perhaps he needed… Well, he wasn't sure what. He took to wandering, but that hadn't worked. And sleeping only made it more difficult, as he would often wake with a painfully hard erection, a product of his realistic dreams. Jaken was of no help. He would have thought the suddenly-often silent imp would have been a comfort, reminding him of why he was who he was; a killer, and a force to be reckoned with. But the little youkai had become sullen and reclusive. Odd, since now it was as it used to be, before the humans had tainted their lives.

And yet…

Now, as he watched her stand diligently next to Rin, he noticed her expression. Although he had heard his brother propose to her, he hadn't stuck around to hear the answer - he was still criticizing himself for that, still wondering why he had acted so rashly and childishly - but the expressions from the two were so contrasting he had to give it more than just a fleeting thought.

He already knew how the hanyou felt; even from here he could see his brother was worshipping the ground she walked on. Sesshoumaru had to turn away in disgust. Returning his gaze to Kagome's slight form - she was easier on the eyes anyways - he noticed that she paid the hanyou no attention. Did that mean she had turned him down? He sneered at himself for hoping. But by Inuyasha's expression, that couldn't be true. Perhaps she only was intent on the wedding? That was possible, but she seemed so… hunted.

It was the only thing that could describe her expression. She looked like any minute, she would bolt. As if something were tracking her, and she would need to be prepared for flight.

Ridiculous, nothing will harm her.

His eyes widened as he realized that he was pledging his protection, although no one was around to hear it. Thankfully. Growling at himself once again, he tore his eyes from her face to keep himself from lingering on those thoughts.

He took the time to look at Rin, and realized that she made quite the bride. He hadn't noticed how much she had grown up, and now, she was marrying a former taijiya. She looked strange, between the huge headdress and layers of kimono. He was glad she had worn the kimono he had provided for her; it wasn't as if he had anyone else to pass it to, and he wasn't using it on a bride of his own.

Unbidden, his eyes flashed to Kagome's face.

But he wrenched them away again. With an exasperated sigh, he closed his eyes until the ceremony began. He listened intently, watching Rin's expressions. Occasionally, his gaze would wander to Kagome, who smiled weakly, as if it pained her to do so, but would not dare interrupt Rin's day. Other times, he would see Inuyasha's wistful and goofy expression as he watched Kagome. He hated how he wanted to claw out his brother's eyes so that he could no longer leer, but he was tired of fighting. Obviously, he held some sort of affection for the miko.

That was fine, he decided. As long as he didn't act on it.