That's the Way Love Goes: IX

“You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you;
you let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you.

Help me; I broke apart my insides.

Help me; I've got no soul to sell.

Help me; the only thing that works for me:

Help me get away from myself…” -Closer, Nine Inch Nails

A/N: As always, Sesshoumaru's dreams are marked with an asterisk (*). But we have a new marking! Ampersand (&) will mark where mature content begins. Now that the characters in the series are officially of-age, my writing shouldn't be affected and I don't have to post `clean' versions.

Sorry for the huge delay. To be honest, I'm going through a tough situation personally, and I've been kinda depressed, so I haven't been able to write. Sure, I could have just written some crap and given it to you, but that's not my style. Sorry. I hope the lemon in this chapter (and it's a damn good one, if I say so myself) makes up for it. :]

That's the Way Love Goes

Chapter IX

VERY IMPORTANT - PLEASE READ: SessKag fans, please don't abandon me. You may hate me by the end of this chapter, but I remind you, this is a SessKag story. I will not let the trail go cold. I promise if you stick with me, you won't be disappointed. This story was meant to be a drama/angst, and so I have provided. Thanks for sticking around…

-PitaBread

Kagome sighed as she walked home on Wednesday. She hated school. And today, she was forced to admit it to her guidance counselor. The middle-aged, husky woman had balked; no one had dared be so brash! Kagome brushed it off - she had made her decision. As much as she liked psychology and the sub-categories wherein, she had made up her mind: she was going to be the miko of her families' shrine. Oh boy, when she told jii-chan tonight at dinner, there would be no living with him from then on. He was going to dance and sing for the next three days.

Despite her preoccupation with school, Kagome still couldn't get her mind off of Sesshoumaru. Even now, the thought of him lifted her feet. She smiled ever so slightly, and suddenly, she found herself remembering her first time. She found herself getting aroused; her cheeks flushed and her breath was strangled in her throat. Suddenly embarrassed for her naughty thoughts, Kagome stepped up her pace, only to have her name called but a moment later.

Afraid to turn around, since she knew who was calling her, Kagome pretended not to hear. She cursed him for being so fast.

“Kagome!” he called, only a little out of breath, “Wait for me!”

Kagome slowed her steps reluctantly. Rolling her eyes before she turned, she hoped she wasn't still blushing. She forced a smile as she faced him.

“Hi, Hojo,” she said between barely unclenched teeth.

“Kagome, it's great to see you! It's been a long time,” he said, grinning like a fool.

“It has,” she said, wishing she was strong enough to turn and run home.

“You don't look well, Kagome,” he said, placing a hand on her forehead, “do you have a fever? Oh no! Did you have another herpes outbreak?”

Man, she was never going to live down all the excuses from her past. What she had to do to go to the feudal era… Regardless, she shied away from Hojo's touch. If it wasn't Sesshoumaru, no man should be touching her. She even had to fight from forming a scowl on her face.

“I'm fine, Hojo, thanks for asking. I haven't been sick in years. Healthy as a horse!” she said, a false grin on her face.

“But you're all flushed, and you're breathing really hard…”

“Nope, all is well! Gotta go, bye!”

And Kagome ran for her life, back to the shrine.

~~~~~%~~@

As expected, Kagome was surrounded by laughter and shouts of praise and happiness. She rolled her eyes as her grandfather tried to urge her into a dance and stayed put. Her mother chuckled softly, and her brother grinned. She had to beg to go back to her room, feigning exhaustion. Mama was her savior, ushering her out of the dining room and towards the stairs.

“Go on, Kagome,” she said softly. “If you want to talk, I'm here.” She kissed the top of her daughter's head - she had to stand on her tiptoes now to do so - and smiled warmly.

“Thanks, mama,” Kagome said right before she began to trudge up the stairs.

The next two days were going to be the longest in her life.

~~~~~%~~@

Despite her grandfather's constant celebrating and bragging, Kagome had a decent rest of the week. She had scored high on a math quiz, which always made her millennia, since she thought herself incompetent in the subject. Kagome practically skipped home on Friday, eager to go back to the Feudal Era and Sesshoumaru.

As she packed her things, there was a knock on her door. She bade the visitor entrance.

“You're leaving?” It was a question, but Kagome knew it was more of a statement.

“Yeah, mama. I'd like to get back before sunset,” she said.

“Well, it's only three,” her mother stated.

“I know, mama,” Kagome began, “but… I miss him.”

Her mother smiled. “Have things finally progressed for you and Inuyasha?”

Kagome's face fell. A few minutes passed before Kagome could speak past the lump in her throat. Her mother immediately noticed her distress and she placed an arm around her daughter's shoulders.

“Kagome, dear? What's wrong?”

Kagome hesitated. What would her mother think? She wasn't sure what to think herself. She had pined after Inuyasha for a whole year, and after he was free for the taking, nothing transpired between them other than bashful glances and attempted stares when the other wasn't looking. That was the crux of her relationship with Inuyasha. On the other hand with Sesshoumaru, there was no shyness or the insecurity of first love. Each knew what they wanted, and so their relationship had progressed quickly. But just because she was able to make sense of it, doesn't mean others could; that was the main reason, she now knew, everyone had jumped to conclusions when she had first told her friends about her connection with the Taiyoukai. And she cared what her mother thought more than anyone else. If she didn't approve, what would she do?

With a weary sigh, Kagome relented. She had to tell her mother. “Mama, I… Inuyasha and I…” Just because she wanted to tell her mother didn't mean she knew how.

“I see,” the older woman said wisely. “So he never came to you, and you have met someone else, have you?”

Kagome felt like all the blood in her body rushed to her face. How could she have known? “Mama… how?”

“Oh, Kagome,” her mother sighed. “You are not the first to have this problem. And you are certainly not the last.” She let Kagome think about that for a moment before continuing. “Well, then, Kagome, who is this new suitor? Will we get to meet him?”

Kagome stuttered at first. Sesshoumaru? Here? In the modern era!? She saw all of Japan under new rule: the Taiyoukai, Sesshoumaru. Then Kagome giggled to herself. Ridiculous. Sesshoumaru had changed, and he wasn't interested in conquering humans.

“No, mama, I don't think so. He's not so, uh, great around humans.” She watched as her mother's forehead wrinkled as the brows rose in interest.

“Another hanyou?”

“No, mama. He's pure youkai. Very powerful, very intimidating youkai…”

The elder Higurashi woman frowned with concern. “Intimidating? Kagome, if you're…”

“No, no, no, mama. Not like that. It's just… well…” Dreading the words before they even came out of her mouth, Kagome prayed her family would accept the demon as they accepted his hanyou brother. “Mama, he's Inuyasha's brother. Half-brother.”

At first, Kagome's mother was shocked; it wasn't a big surprise that her daughter wasn't able to stay attached to the half-demon forever. Even more shocked, she realized what this must mean in the feudal era - her friends were probably very confused as well. Then comprehension dawned on her aged mind: If Inuyasha was half-demon, and his brother was full demon, then they must share a father, since her daughter had told her that Inuyasha's mother was human. But that meant that the great and powerful Inu no Taishou's blood flowed directly in the veins of the demon Kagome was now involved with.

Kagome could see that her mother was fighting to hold back the slight frown that was gracing her features. Regardless, she would wait until the elder Higurashi said something.

Finally, after an entire two minutes, the more experienced woman smiled. “Kagome, you must do what you must. If Inuyasha is not your path, then so be it. Not everyone marries their first boyfriend, you know. This…”

“Sesshoumaru,” Kagome answered.

“This… Sesshoumaru-” Kagome could see her mother internally wince at the name, obviously perturbed by its' meaning “-does he love you?”

Kagome allowed herself a smile. “I think so, mama.”

Now her mother smiled genuinely as well. “Then that's all that matters, right?”

Kagome nodded, then her face fell, prompting her mother to ask what was troubling her. “It's just that… Inuyasha is having such a hard time with it. I mean, I knew he wouldn't like it, but… He doesn't want to talk to me, and when he does, I feel like he's going to run or kidnap me or something. Not that he'd get very far…” Kagome giggled as she thought of being whisked away by Inuyasha only to have Sesshoumaru, of all people - er, demons - to rescue her. But then her thoughts turned dark. Although he was different because of the accident, Sesshoumaru was changing little by little with every dream. And with their past, if the little scenario she thought up were to happen, she didn't even want to know the outcome. She would rather die herself than have the brothers fight each other so vehemently. And therein lay the problem. Kagome had loyalties to both of the Inu brothers. But she had been spurned by one, and the other didn't have the best track record.

Kagome sighed, making her mother laugh. But then, she became quiet.

“Is he able to come here?” she asked quietly.

Kagome shook her head slowly as a smile that didn't reach her eyes appeared. “No. Only Inuyasha and I can pass through the well.”

The older woman seemed to understand the problem and nodded. “Well, what is, is. No sense in trying to change things that cannot be changed.” She hugged Kagome suddenly, catching the young woman off guard. It was a fierce hug, and Kagome realized her mother understood more than she wanted her to.

They pulled away from each other and giggled quietly.

“Well, if you're going to go, you'd better go now, I suppose,” the elder Higurashi said with a hint of regret in her voice.

Kagome chuckled. “Yeah. But it's only for the weekend, mama. Then you'll have me again for another five days.”

Her mother turned serious, alarming Kagome. “Sweetheart, are you sure this is what you want? The shrine? Will you be happy?”

With a smile, Kagome looked at her little pink backpack and knew. There was no future for her as a doctor, lawyer, or some other silly job where you worked all day then came home exhausted. She was already a trained miko, and was more skilled than any other of the fake mikos in this time. She actually had a chance to help people. And it seemed to be her fate.

“Yes, mama.”

Convinced, her mother nodded, clapping briskly. “Okay, then! Good luck with Sesshoumaru,” she tripped over the name, unfamiliar with it and almost calling him by his brother's name, “and for goodness sake, bring a few sweaters!” She hugged her daughter again, and Kagome assured her she was so safe with Sesshoumaru, a padded room would be dangerous.

Then Kagome picked up her little pack and walked out of the house, putting one of her favorite yellow sweaters on.

Her mother, out of sight, stayed motionless in her daughter's room as a single tear slid out from her eye. She watched from the window as Kagome went to the well house and slid inside, closing the doors shut. Unable to watch anymore, she forced herself to return to the kitchen, where she began to make dinner.

~~~~~%~~@

On the other side of the well, life was teeming. Farmers were trying to sell the years' crops, children were laughing and playing in the streets, and their mothers were yelling after them. Kagome giggled as she walked to Kaede's house to tell the older miko of her revelation. Everything here made sense finally. She had a partner - one who wanted her through and through and wasn't afraid of what that would mean or of showing it publicly - she had a career, and she would be graduating from high school in two weeks. She would be free to come to the Sengoku Jidai whenever she wanted; there would be no more waiting.

As she approached the village miko's residence, she heard Shippou playing nearby. His infectious, childish laugh was impossible to ignore. She heard the mewling of Kirara as well, knowing the two were playing together. She grinned as she walked into the hut.

Kaede was fixed near her cookfire; she was arranging the items for her dinner. Without looking away, she addressed the returned miko. “Hello, Kagome. Are you back for the `weekend'?” The word was strange to her, but she knew it was the term the girl from the future always used.

“Yep,” Kagome nodded eagerly. “Kaede-sama, I have agreed to take over my families' shrine as priestess,” she told the elder with shining enthusiasm.

“Wonderful!” Kaede exclaimed. “I always thought you would. But it had to be your decision. What swayed you, child?”

“Well, I have many freedoms as the miko of the shrine. And I can still help people. Really help people! I don't know if I ever told you, but the mikos in my time are fakes - they chant and pray and perform customary rites, but that's about it. They're pretty much good for a show. But I actually know herbal remedies, and I have healing abilities. So, I'm hoping I can truly help someone.”

The girl beamed, and the old woman nodded, satisfied with her answer. But she became serious again. “Do not forget, child. It is wonderful to help people, but you must help yourself, first.”

Kagome looked at her, puzzled. Seeing her confusion, Kaede continued.

“My child, Kikyou was plagued with people constantly seeking her advice or wisdom or medical help. She loved to help people as well, but I believe that in our time, these things are expected. If you have as large a population as you normally speak of, then once people learn of your prowess, they may never give you peace.”

Her words dropped like boulders on Kagome's shoulders. The young woman had not considered this. She had only thought of the worshippers' happiness, not her own. And Kaede was right. Her race - the Japanese - were a superstitious lot. They loved ghost stories and creepy movies; they had many who earned their living off the premise of the paranormal. If word got out that a girl could mend a broken arm with a touch or could ward off a ghoul with her presence, she would have no rest. The media would hound her.

“Oh, do not look so down, child. You just have to be careful, that's all…” Kaede smiled at her, and Kagome nodded.

It was true; she would have to be careful, but otherwise, she could still go on with her plans. Anyways, she planned on spending most of her time here, with Sesshoumaru, so she always had an escape. She smiled at the thought of running away from reporters to the well house, and when they opened the doors, she would be gone. She would be famous! Giggling at the silly idea, Kagome excused herself from Kaede's home, promising a visit again soon, to finish any training she may need.

Kagome soon arrived at the home of Miroku and Sango. They were talking animatedly when Kagome rapped on the frame of their doorway. Sango told her to come in, and then the two hugged and yelled as they reunited. Miroku smiled as he rolled his eyes.

“Every time she comes back…” he muttered quietly enough that his wife couldn't hear.

“What was that?” Sango asked, perturbed.

“Nothing, my love. I was just waiting for my turn to greet Kagome…” He grinned sheepishly, making the women suspicious of what had truly been said.

Kagome hugged him then, and they spoke quickly. Sango warned Kagome in almost the same words Kaede had used, crushing her hopes.

“Kagome,” Sango pleaded, “I'm sorry! I just want you to be happy, and I know what popularity does. My father hardly ever rested; there was always a plea from some terrorized village.”

“I as well,” Miroku chimed in.

“That's because you were busy scamming them,” the girls said in unison, setting them into a fit of laughter.

Miroku seemed unmoved. “I had to make a living,” he said with his nose in the air. “And you two didn't seem to mind when you were sleeping on a futon instead of the ground,” he added, a grin gracing his handsome features.

Kagome frowned. “He's got a point. We never exactly refused to sleep indoors.”

“That's only because it would have been rude to ignore their hospitality,” Sango grunted.

Miroku smiled, knowing he had won this argument.

Soon after, Kagome left and wished Sango health, since her demon slayer's uniform wasn't quite fitting as it used to. She walked towards the outskirts of the village when she felt two demon auras coming at her with incredible speed. She smiled as she turned to greet them.

With heat that could fry an egg, the large nekoyoukai alighted in front of her. She held her arms out as a vivid-green and fire-red fluffy ball came flying at her.

“Kagome!” he cried, landing in her embrace.

“Hi, Shippou,” Kagome giggled.

“Why didn't you come say `hi'?” he said, a little frown on his now-elongating face.

“Oof,” Kagome complained. It seemed like he had doubled in weight since she last saw him. “Shippou, I wasn't running away or anything. We see each other all the time. Besides, you were playing…”

“I know,” he said, dejected.

She put him down, unable to hold his weight for much longer. “Listen, I'm coming back tomorrow. I just wanted to see if I could find Sesshoumaru first.”

Shippou nodded. “He was here last night, but I guess he left early this morning,” the kit told her.

Kagome's eyebrows drew together in contemplation. Why would he come a day early? And what made him leave? Shrugging, Kagome told the kitsune that she was going west and ruffled his hair, hugging him one last time. She noticed that she didn't have to bend nearly as far to hug him on his level as before. He waved, and the two demons went back to the inner village.

Humming to herself, Kagome set out for the west, hoping he who ruled the lands would feel her presence.

And feel her, he did.

~~~~~%~~@

As soon as he had felt her bright light, Sesshoumaru raced out of the clearing they had been occupying. Rin had smiled, knowing what was coming. Jaken squawked something about humans. But it didn't matter to the youkai. He smelled her distinct, fresh scent now, and nothing could stop him. His heart raced as never before. Sesshoumaru realized that he didn't know this emotion - was this excitement? He had never felt excited before. But the way Kagome spoke of it, it seemed to fit. Yes, he was excited to see her.

It only took him a few minutes, and he stopped short when he saw her, barely on the outskirts of what would soon be Edo, from what he had read in one of Kagome's History books. He was amazed that after only five days, he needed to see her so badly, and when he did, it just wasn't enough. He needed to hold her, to touch her. Idly, a part of him wondered if she felt the same. And then she noticed him, and she stopped, too. She smiled widely at him, and his heart stuttered for a moment. In half a second, he cleared the distance between them and had her in his arms.

She giggled loudly as he lifted her and inhaled her scent deeply. “I missed you too,” she murmured.

At that, he pulled away to look at her. The overwhelming emotions he felt were threatening to overflow, and he crushed his lips to hers. It wasn't until a few minutes later that either was satisfied enough to let the other go. They each were left panting when they finally parted, and Kagome laughed.

“That… was probably… the best… greeting… ever,” she said, catching her breath between words.

To her chagrin, Sesshoumaru was already composed, his superb body already having regained its' breath. He grinned at her words and kept his arms wound around her waist.

“You are worth greeting in such a manner,” he said, and his words crept like silk into her body, stirring a new emotion.

He picked up onto her hormonal change quickly and smiled predatorily. Kagome pushed him away.

“Down, boy,” she said, not trusting herself enough to look at him.

He chuckled to himself and let her collect her thoughts.

“Shall we?” he asked.

“Oh, yes! Where are Rin and Jaken?”

They began to walk, not caring how much time passed now that they were in the company of one another.

“They are in our clearing,” he replied.

“The one with the waterfall? You're still staying there?” she asked, curious. She had never known Sesshoumaru to stay in one spot for very long.

He nodded, picking up on her meaning.

“It seems - through my dreams, or memories - that I tended to roam constantly. I think…” he hesitated, unsure of how the young woman would take his words, “I think… I had been searching for something. Or someone.”

Kagome smiled, facing the ground. She wondered if he was really trying to say what she thought he was trying to say… “Did you travel much before Naraku?” She realized she didn't know much about him before she had first met him.

“Yes,” he said in a saddened tone. “I have been roaming for many years. It was a compulsion. I didn't know why. I think I do now.” He turned to look at her, but she was hiding behind her hair.

“So you have found what you were looking for?” she asked meekly.

He stopped then, grasping her arm so that she would look at him. “I have,” he said.

Once ensnared by his gaze, Kagome couldn't turn away. She saw such emotion in his eyes - emotion that she hadn't seen except in Inuyasha's eyes. She pushed away the need to cringe, thinking her friend's name. The hanyou had made his decision, and she had made hers. There would be no turning back.

Coming up with a loss for words, Kagome could only say one thing. “Good.”

~~~~~%~~@

The rest of Friday slipped by easily. Rin had welcomed Kagome and Jaken attempted to be polite, only if to not incur the wrath of his master. Besides, if he had to admit it, he would say that the miko was actually kind. And his master seemed content. Ah-Un grunted its' greeting to the priestess and Kagome had scratched both heads. One mouth had sparked in pleasure, making Kagome giggle.

It was so easy. She spoke quietly with Sesshoumaru, gave advice to Rin, and even helped Jaken with a cut that hadn't yet healed. Kagome insisted on finding dinner, so Rin expertly caught a few fish and the miko made some rice she had brought with her. When Rin and Jaken were asleep, Kagome pulled Sesshoumaru away from the fire towards the cave under the waterfall.

Really, she didn't intend anything to happen. She simply wanted some privacy; away from young inquiring minds and nosy little imps. But now, as they glided away from the fire deeper into the night, she couldn't help how her heart accelerated and her breathing came in quicker, ragged puffs. The electricity was tangible. She knew it was silly, but she felt as if she could feel the heat rolling off Sesshoumaru's body even though the cold December night practically froze her stiff.

Once they were in the much warmer cave, Kagome felt better. Not only was it more comfortable, but the shocking thrill of being alone with Sesshoumaru lessened as she dropped his hand and stood a few paces away.

“Will you bathe?” he asked curiously.

The formal speech stunned her; he had been speaking in his newer, less fancy speech since she had arrived. “No. I just wanted to be alone with you,” she admitted.

It was strange, hearing those words from her own mouth. She never thought she could be so bold. True, the words weren't exactly means for gossip - well, maybe in this era. But she had meant what she had said, and she knew Sesshoumaru wouldn't construe it to have a double meaning.

He nodded once and - realizing the girl was nervous - folded neatly onto the floor. Kagome couldn't sit still; she was too keyed up and wasn't sure why. She had never been nervous around Sesshoumaru before. Not in this way, at least.

Of course, Sesshoumaru - when he wanted to - was the embodiment of patience. And for some reason, it irked the young woman that he was so calm. Did he not feel the spark that threatened to burn them alive earlier? Did he not know how badly she missed him? Had he not missed her? Kagome finally stopped fidgeting long enough to look at him, and was surprised at what she saw. The youkai was watching her - no, staring. And his topaz eyes were burning into her with a power of a monsoon. Her breath hitched in her throat as she stood frozen, captured in his gaze like a mouse under the forceful stare of a cobra.

She still stood, moving only her widened eyes as she watched him gracefully rise and step towards her. Confidently, he stopped only when he was behind her. Kagome was grateful she was no longer under the power of his blazing eyes. But then her heart thumped erratically when he wound his arms around her waist. She could hear her own raspy little breaths and heard nothing of his. Did she not affect him like he affected her?

He bent his head until he could speak directly into her ear, even though there was no one around to hear their conversation. When he spoke, his thick, deep voice was almost a growl.

“What troubles you, my little miko?”

Kagome stopped breathing altogether as his baritone sent a thrill down her spine and her knees nearly buckled. How was she to speak when she could barely manage breathing?

“I… Um, I…”

His answering chuckle nearly sent her to the floor, her body unable to cope with the tense anticipation of the moment.

“It seems words fail you. Why don't you… show me what you need…?”

The double meaning didn't escape her, and a pleasurable shiver ran its' course through her body.

“Are you cold?” he asked.

She shook her head slowly, afraid to speak, lest her voice giver her anxieties away. She thought she heard a sigh, and then Sesshoumaru was turning her. She didn't want to look into his eyes - doing so was similar to how pitcher plants attracted their prey with its' sweet scent. She would be trapped; a goner. So she looked down at her feet instead. But Sesshoumaru was past all evasiveness. He used a finger to lift her chin up, although she stubbornly refused to look into his eyes.

Irritated, the demon placed his hands on both sides of her face gently. She could feel his gaze piercing into her. After a few moments, she had to give in. She was shocked that although his ocher eyes still smoldered, his brows were creased with worry. She reached up to touch his face, and they stared into each other's eyes for a moment until Sesshoumaru broke the silence.

“That wasn't so hard, was it?” he said, a slight smile playing at his lips.

“What?” she asked, confused.

“You still haven't told me what has been troubling you,” he reminded her.

Kagome glanced towards the water for a second, trying to collect her thoughts. What would she tell him? That all of a sudden, she wanted to jump him? That was kind of crass, whether they were already lovers or not. And… were they lovers?

The question set off the worst pain in her stomach - it felt like it was twisting in on itself. She thought she could feel her face mimicking her tumbling tummy.

The problem was, they had never actually spoke of their intentions. Of course, she knew that Sesshoumaru had already assumed that they were married, or whatever the equivalent was for youkai - mates? But now that she had dispelled that theory, what did he make of this? And if that wasn't troubling enough, Kagome didn't know her own intentions. Of course, she thought she could travel back and forth, living in her era and coming whenever she could to visit Sesshoumaru and her friends, but what kind of life was that? It would be easier if she could stay here, or if Sesshoumaru could come with her - would he, if it was possible? - but the main problem was that he could not, and that only left her with the two alternatives: staying here or traveling in between.

Of course she hadn't thought of how hard it would be to keep up the double life: unexplained disappearances, the lack of interest in the men of her time, and of course, the anxiety that accompanied her whenever she was away from Sesshoumaru. But those things were now popping up in her mind, letting themselves be heard.

And the trouble with staying here was simple, if not silly: she was a modern girl. She enjoyed the fresh air and the smaller population of the Feudal Era, but she loved having a bed, showers, and washing machines, as well as the food differences. Of course, Kagome wasn't very materialistic, and liked to think she could give it up, but wasn't sure she wanted to.

Well, first thing's first. She needed to find out how Sesshoumaru felt and where this was going. She knew her own feelings: she truly, madly, deeply loved him. She couldn't imagine a life without him. And if it meant - god forbid - giving up ramen, then so be it.

Sesshoumaru was again the epitome of patience as Kagome collected her thoughts, but she could see the tightening if his eyes which signaled her to start saying something. With a sigh, Kagome began cautiously.

“I'm… worried,” she said, unsure of her own meaning.

He tilted his head in that endearing way, and she smiled a little.

“I… I don't know what to do. I'm trying to think about… the future,” she said, reading his expression while she spoke.

“Your era?” he asked, his forehead creased in concentration.

Kagome smiled wider. “No. I mean, my future. Where I'm headed and what I… want.”

His eyebrows dipped into a `v' shape as he contemplated this and tried to extract her meaning. “Oh.” He didn't seem pleased.

“No, no, no, Sesshoumaru,” she said, then exhaled in a gust. Drawing in a deep breath, she tried to make herself clearer. “I… love you, Sesshoumaru.” She watched as he became more confused and probably drew a few more wrong conclusions. “You can't come with me to my time. So the only options I have are to stay here or to travel back and forth,” she explained.

He noticed that she didn't smile now. Was she unhappy with the situation? Did she not want to stay with him? Of course it would be a burden to constantly live in two worlds. And she couldn't stay here all the time - she had family in her time. He would not ask her to give them up. There really was only one other option.

“Kagome,” he said, making her jump with the seriousness of his tone. “What do you want?”

That's what she'd been asking herself for some time. “I… I want you.”

She waited for a response, but he didn't give her one. Instead, in a motion too quick for her eyes, he crushed his lips to hers in a way that both made her weak as wool and fierce with a hunger that didn't have anything to do with food. As a moan escaped her, Sesshoumaru pressed his entire body into her, allowing her to feel exactly how she made his body react.

“Mmm…,” she groaned, anticipating what was to come.

That was all the encouragement he needed. The hand that was holding the back of her head to him slid down her back now, joining the other hand, which was still at the small of her back. But it didn't rest. Instead, it lifted the sweater, bringing the shirt under it along. She complied easily, already too warm with the oncoming rush of warmth to her body. She only made a petulant sound when they had to part for him to remove the clothing over her head. He chuckled darkly, and it produced in her a shiver that had nothing to do with the cold weather.

While he attempted to disrobe her, Kagome's hands were trying to memorize every line, every plane, every hard muscle. She had already pushed his Kimono and the inner kimono aside so that she could feel the smooth granite that was his chest. But it wasn't enough - she needed more. Of their own accord, her hands rose over his shoulders to his firm back, tracing the corded muscles there. Down his arms and back, then to his amazingly perfect abs - did he do nothing but sit ups when she wasn't around? His perfection knew no bounds - and then they sought what was under his hakama.

Sesshoumaru shuddered as he felt her tiny, trembling hands flat against the strong ligaments of his hips. He threw his head back and groaned, exposing his torso even more. Kagome took the opportunity to untie his hakama - he hadn't worn his traditional obi in some time, she just noticed - and they dropped quickly to the floor. Not needing more of an invitation, Sesshoumaru shrugged the rest of the way out of his kimonos and suddenly, he was bare to her.

There's something to say about Sesshoumaru's beauty and grace. With clothes, he was splendid. Without, he was glorious. Kagome took a moment to just look at him and run her hands on his body. He was trembling with excitement even though for her sake, he was attempting to appear calm. And of course, there was the very obvious - and erect - telling of his excitement.

Kagome removed her hands from his body suddenly, eliciting a growl from his chest. She smiled playfully before reaching behind her to remove her bra. Sesshoumaru still was unused to the odd female garment, but he already knew what this meant: she was exposing herself to him.

There's something to say about Kagome's beauty and grace. With clothes, she was stunning. Without clothes, she was a goddess. He watched as she slowly unclasped the back, and he felt his hands shaking with anticipation. He wanted to rip the thing off… She turned away from him, making him simultaneously upset and confused, but then she looked over her shoulder and smiled coyly at him. He was stunned motionless. Her back was bare now and she was removing the clothing, tossing it aside. She covered herself with her arms, giggling when he growled, but he was serious.

They were less than a foot apart, so when Sesshoumaru was suddenly turning her, it took Kagome by surprise. His brows formed a deep v-shape and Kagome could tell that he was really trying to hold back, to not harm her. His hands were hard on the tops of her arms, although he was careful not to cut her with his claws. His golden eyes were a darker shade now, almost orange.

“You will not hide yourself from me,” he growled.

Kagome saw that she had taken it farther than it could go. Her very first instinct - stubborn as she was - was to be angry. But she had to remember who he was: a Taiyoukai, the greatest, strongest, most powerful demon alive during the Feudal Era. Obviously there were different rituals and rites that applied to demons, and she knew nothing of them. Of course, Sesshoumaru didn't exactly remember, either, but he was acting off instinct. And so now, she would have to appease him in order to continue.

“Yes, my lord,” she said demurely.

He seemed stunned temporarily - whether it was from his own behavior or her response, Kagome wasn't sure. To him, her words had triggered something instinctual and primal within. He wasn't sure what, but it was life-changing. But then, the citrine that had clouded his eyes vanished, and his eyes burned with a new intensity. He crushed her to him, and the contact between her erect nipples and his skin was electric for the miko. She gasped as he buried his face in the space where her shoulder and neck met, under her heavy curtain of hair. One clawed hand was reassuringly rubbing circles on her lower back, the other entwined in her hair.

His burning lips touched her bare skin in the curve of her neck, and her knees buckled from the intense fire that was now coursing through her veins. Of course, Sesshoumaru was already holding her tightly, so she stayed in place. But she couldn't think anymore; his tongue was slowly making a little circle on her skin, and then he was suckling gently on the tender flesh there. He wasn't quite sure why his was fixated on this spot, but he could not leave it, as if he was supposed to do something. Kagome's hands, trembling against the youkai's chest, were useless. Then something changed.

Sesshoumaru was no longer gentle. He was hungry, needy. It was tangible, and it made Kagome eager. Her hands found their purpose. They shot down to the only clothing left between either of them - her jeans. She undid them quickly and started to shimmy them past her hips, but Sesshoumaru stopped her. He was still alternating between licking and suckling different parts of her neck and shoulder but his hands were more active now. They took her hips roughly, crushing their bodies together. Kagome could feel his hardened length against her, the tip on her stomach throbbing impatiently.

&&&&&& MATURE CONTENT AHEAD &&&&&&&

Now Sesshoumaru was content to remove her pants in an achingly slow movement. He hooked his thumbs in the sides and carefully slid them, inch by inch, down her hips, her panties going with them. When his arms could go no further, he bent to go with them, his tongue and lips never stopping their slow torture. And then he was on his knees in front of her, his original task complete. But he was far from finished. He was in perfect position and suckled greedily on a nipple. Kagome swayed with the pleasure, and the demon found he had to keep a hand on her firm ass to keep her from falling over.

When he changed to the other twin peak, she moaned quietly, giving him further fuel. She seemed to handle it better now, and he nipped the bud, causing Kagome to buckle under the intensity. He smiled against her skin, smug. When she recovered, he continued his assault, but she became wary when his hand slowly moved to her front and lay on her thigh.

All thoughts fled her when he suddenly found the apex between her thighs. There was no resistance. He had not noticed in his earlier haste, but now, there was no denying it: the small patch of hair he clearly remembered was gone. Confused, the youkai looked up to Kagome, but she was still standing with her head back, eyes closed. Of course, when there was no movement from him, she looked down.

She laughed quietly to herself. His confusion was so thorough, he almost looked pleading. She blushed lightly. “Um… it's something women in my era sometimes do when they, er… have lovers.”

At first there was no change, and Kagome was afraid she would have to explain further. But then there was acceptance and comprehension, and he decided to explore this new territory. It was a new experience for both, and she gasped at the heightened sensitivity. He cupped her, marveling at the smoothness. Then one long finger dipped inside the folds, and he had to hold her up again with his other hand.

As he teased her, she mewed and writhed, her nipples aching from the tension. He added another finger, and she gasped. Slowly, her body was giving out, her energy almost spent on the rush of hormones. He realized she wouldn't be able to enjoy herself much longer. Turning his attention back to her breasts, he slowly rose until he towered above her once again. He brought his lips to hers for a searing kiss that wobbled her more than anything else. Then he inched her forward as he walked backwards towards the small, warm pool.

She didn't seem to notice anything in her lust-induced haze, but she finally looked up at him when he stepped down. He had been meaning to lead her into the water, but she looked confused now, so he simply lifted her and placed her in the unusually warm water. Idly, she thought in triumph that the lake must be fed by an underground thermal vent. But she had little time to ponder, as Sesshoumaru was now backing her into the little natural bench in a curve of the rock.

He placed an arm on either side of her, effectively trapping her in his grasp. The intensity in his amber eyes burned into Kagome's soul, and she knew then that she irrevocably and eternally changed. She would never love another the way she loved this terrifying and beautiful creature. She stared - aquamarine into topaz - and waited for him to do whatever he was planning, eager for his touch. Her nipples, bobbing just above the water, ached for his lips, hardening into impossibly firm peaks. But to her astonishment, he didn't move. Instead, he leaned close - until his breath fanned across her ear - and spoke.

“I want to do things to you that I imagined when I first saw you bathing here; that first day,” he rumbled to her.

Kagome closed her eyes and felt the warmth flood through her, impossibly hot, despite the warm water. And then - impossibly fast - his hands were grabbing her ass, lifting her so her legs wound around his hips. She could feel his throbbing cock against her opening, begging for entrance. But he hesitated, and she opened her eyes to search his. It seemed to be what he was waiting for. Instantly, he caught her lips with his own in a searing kiss that rivaled that same first kiss.

Acting on instinct, her hand again went to the back of his head, tangling in his hair. Again, his hands held her face, her legs and the water's buoyancy holding her to him still. But as Sesshoumaru began to realize that this time - so much like that first time - he could - and would - be able to do what he wanted to the stunning, caring, trusting woman in his arms, he lost a little of himself to his youki. It took over.

One of his hands snaked its' way down her neck, passing over a breast and teasing a nipple, down her taut stomach, finally coming to her core. Wasting no time, a finger slipped into the folds, teasing her womanly bud. Kagome shook with the intensity of the feeling, unable to do anything else. Her hand began to slip away from his head, only trying to hold on to dear life now. Her eyes were shut in pleasure, her mouth stuck in an `o' shape. She began to whimper in protest - she couldn't hold out much longer. But Sesshoumaru's beast had just begun, despite the fact that it was also fighting Sesshoumaru's control; despite the fact that he was enjoying watching her face, he felt bad for her fatigue and wanted to let her rest.

In a snap decision, his other clawed hand went to the nape of her neck, grasping the hair there and pulling roughly. Kagome gasped and her head went with his hand. She was surprised that although it was just a little painful, it allowed a new wave of excitement course through her. At once, she was ready for more. Sesshoumaru's lower hand had slowed since, but with her newfound strength, she ground against his hand. When it provided her with the pressure and pleasure she sought, she did it again.

Moving his hand during a strategic moment, she ground against his engorged member instead and gasped. She knew he was big, but for some reason, he seemed larger than she remembered… was that possible? He didn't give her room to think about it. The hand that was grasping her hair roughly gave another gentle tug, and she willingly went with it. Her neck was completely bared to him and his eyes turned crimson.

Sesshoumaru fought for control; it was so confusing. He wanted to bite her, but at the same time, it was wrong - it shouldn't be his youki. He needed to be in control when he did it. He wasn't sure why - it didn't even make sense to him, but he knew that was the way. But his beast would not relent. Fortunately, Sesshoumaru had enough strength to keep the beast from biting her badly. It came very close: at one point, his lips did part enough to let his teeth graze her delicate skin. But Sesshoumaru fought with every fiber of his being, and kept his youki from applying enough pressure to break skin. He instinctively knew he must not taste her blood.

Of course Kagome was oblivious. Between Sesshoumaru's lips and hands, all she could do was moan in pleasure. Her body moved itself.

Irritated with its' master's interference, his youki decided enough was enough. It let go of Kagome's hair long enough for her to look up into his burning crimson eyes and she barely had time to register the fact that it was time. His other hand had returned to her hip, and the other joined it on the other side. When they had her grasped tightly, they moved her further out of the water, and then forcefully brought her down upon his pulsing cock.

The pleasure-pain of it made Kagome cry out, and between the intense feeling of their joining and her call, the beast recoiled enough that a snarling Sesshoumaru took control of his body. He did not move, and when Kagome looked up, his eyes were a deep tawny color once again. But it was he who was surprised when she looked down onto him with a wry smile playing on her lips.

“Again,” she commanded.

He was all too happy to comply. Raising her enough so that she could feel his tip just outside of her warmth, he smirked up at her right before he brought her down hard. Her cry this time stirred his blood in a way he hadn't yet experienced, and he had the urge to bite her once again as she threw back her head. But she was more together this time, and when she righted herself, she wriggled herself, making him throw back his head in pleasure this time. He groaned - a deep, feral sound - and Kagome felt a new power surge through her. She enjoyed making him moan, and she vowed to find new ways to do so.

Attempting to take control, Kagome wrapped her arms around him, bringing them closer, but also moving in a way that sent a shiver up her spine. She did it again, slowly, more controlled, and she made an unintelligible sound as she dug her nails into his back and dragged them along his skin. He hissed a low, long sound and she looked up, concerned that she had hurt him. But he was a Taiyoukai, and such a thing would not hurt him. However, his head was still thrown back, his face a mixture of unimaginable pain and unbelievable pleasure. The thick muscles of his neck stood out, and Kagome had the urge to bite him… hard. She was amazed with herself, and realized that she could control him as much as he could her.

But she didn't get to test her theory - he had snapped out of his lust-filled stupor and was now intent on making her moan. He grabbed her hips and ground himself into her, and moan she did. Again and again he slowly worked himself in and out of her, making her come up with sounds she didn't know existed. Sometimes he could not bear the separation any more, and his lips had to find purchase against her own. Other times, she would claw helplessly against his perfect skin. He worked to recreate the sensations he knew would allow her to lose herself. It was all he could do to not let go himself… Her panting became desperate, but she had adjusted nicely to his impressive size. During a slow thrust, Kagome placed a hand against his striped face. He opened his eyes long enough to give her a questioning look. To his astonishment, her eyes had become a grayish-blue.

“Harder,” she rasped, her eyes closed halfway with her lust.

He didn't need to be told twice. With a grunt, Sesshoumaru pushed her back against the rocky wall. He used one arm to brace against it, and the other kept Kagome to him. The cooler rock made Kagome gasp, but she didn't feel it once Sesshoumaru pushed into her powerfully. She saw stars as he forced himself into her roughly, but she could also feel the tightening in her lower abdomen. She was so close… Her legs continued to hold him impossibly close to her.

“Faster,” she managed to gasp out.

Sesshoumaru paused for the tiniest moment; he was afraid of breaking her. But the smallest tightening around his swollen cock gave him insight. He would not disappoint her. Pushing into her at an incredible speed, still applying as much force as he thought was safe, he watched her face as she tried to regain her breath. Her hand was still on his face, and it wound up into his hair now, pulling. The new sensation drove Sesshoumaru to further heights, and instead of the speed she sought, he drew almost completely out, then would ram into her with such power that she would cry out in pleasure each time they came together.

“Yes!” she cried out.

But it was still not enough. She wanted more. She never wanted this bliss to end. She felt how close she was and knew she had to do something. There was a finality to it - she felt she needed this to drag out because there was always the possibility that she wouldn't see him again. He was so perfect, he might vanish. Instinctively, Kagome fought against the pleasure her body sought and pushed away. There was a slight stinging on her back - she wondered if the rocks had scratched her, but she really didn't care enough to check.

He was looking at her, a deep confusion in his glazed eyes. She hadn't realized how much he was enjoying this until then. She smiled coyly and took his hand from around his waist. She turned him slowly so that they were in opposite positions. He was now against the rocks. She pushed him lightly until he understood; pulling himself up onto the rim, he was now sitting on the edge of the pool. Wryly, Kagome continued to push him. Still perplexed to this sudden change, he allowed her to push him until he was on the grass. She followed, her glistening, glorious body dripping over him. She knew what she wanted, and no one was going to stop her. Sesshoumaru smirked then, realizing.

By his feet, Kagome bent until she was on all fours. She crawled up his sinuous body, stopping at his length, with bobbed in excitement at the new development. Slowly, she grasped it and he growled low, his eyes closing on their own. She stroked once, her hand gliding on the satiny still-damp skin. The growl continued as he expected more of this - how much more could he take? But there was a brief pause and he almost opened his eyes… until he felt the most amazing sensation. His little Kagome had her lips parted slightly on the tip of his cock.

Shock coursed through him - what was she doing? But when she moved again, he could think of nothing else - oh GODS don't let her stop. She had pushed forward, letting her lips drag across his wet flesh as she took his engorged member into her mouth deeply. She slowly pulled back, and he hissed from the loss and pleasure. But then she repeated her actions, a little faster this time. She was surprised at how much it turned her on, especially when she watched his face as his expression turned from pained to blissful and back again. She could feel her own ache, duller now but still present.

Suddenly he pulled away from her, and his ragged panting immediately told her that he had been close. Like her, he wanted to prolong this. He was on his elbows now, his eyes wide with awe. But she didn't allow him to rest long. She knew he was going to need a little break, so she opted for pleasing herself. The little ache she felt was insistent and she reached down to relieve it. Her legs were spread on either side of Sesshoumaru's, so he had quite the view when the little miko touched herself, making herself gasp in pleasure. She experimented, rubbing with force, then trying it faster. So caught up was she in her ministrations that she hadn't noticed that her left hand had reached up and plucked at her nipple. The double sensation drove her mad with need: she needed release, even though her original intent had been to prolong their joining.

Sesshoumaru had only been able to stare in amazement as his woman pleased herself. Unable to join in because he enjoyed watching, he could only allow his gaze to roam over her beautiful flesh, although his eyes kept jerking back to her hands as she moaned in pleasure. But he was unable to simply watch anymore. Sitting up, he frowned as he grabbed her hands. She opened her eyes, smirking as she watched his displeasure at her inattentiveness. But then his hands replaced hers, and she had to steady herself by holding onto his broad shoulders. But he applied little pressure to either region, making her move forward slowly. Before she knew it, Kagome was straddling the Taiyoukai, her womanly core rubbing against his throbbing manhood. Done with all other matters, Kagome felt this was it - what she had longed for. Smacking his hands away and pushing him roughly down, Kagome placed her arms on either side of his shoulders.

Slowly, to drag out the moment, Kagome lowered herself onto him, and they both hissed from the satisfaction. When Kagome had gone down as low as she thought possible, Sesshoumaru's hands flew to her hips, impaling her upon himself. She cried out desperately, her hands balling up into the soil. He enjoyed this new sound - it was edgier than her usual moans. She moved, desperate for the feeling again. She drew out almost completely, then forced herself on him. Sesshoumaru was pleased with this development; he was free to do other things to her as she did the work. One hand stayed on her hip, lending his strength, while the other caressed a breast. She moved lithely, like a snake, as she stirred in such a way that both ground onto his cock and moved into his hand at the same time. Yes, Sesshoumaru could get used to this.

He took the nipple in between his fingers and pinched; she gasped and her eyes flew open. It had been like a lightning bolt to her core, and she was not ready for that to be the end. She ground more desperately, feeling the ache inside her throb more insistently. He played with her breast, trying not to send her over the edge too quickly - he was having too much fun. But Kagome couldn't get enough. She needed more.

Her hands, covered in dirt from her clenching fists, found themselves on his shoulders. They crept towards her slowly as she pushed onto him. She made a connection and realized that her ache deepened as her hands came closer - as she was pushed further into an upright position. Upright?

She pushed off Sesshoumaru's arms, and suddenly, he was touching an unmentionable part of her inside… She gasped - the feeling was incredible. He was just so… deep. Not needing anymore motivation than that, she ground her hips and cried out from the intensity.

“Oooh… Sesshoumaru…”

His answer was a deep, rumbling growl. He had seen the shift in her expression and knew this was it for her. She would finish this way, and he was going to help her. Intense now, he lifted his hips while she moved and she gasped again - how could he possibly get any deeper without popping out her back? - but didn't want it to stop. With his impossible stamina, he rose his hips to meet hers and she felt the ache within her turn into a spring, tightening with every thrust. But now, Sesshoumaru felt it was he that would come first. The deepness of their connection… it was impossible, and he wasn't going to last.

He kept up his thrusting, but the next time he gazed upon his little miko, she was again taking matters into her own hands, grasping both nipples as she bounced on top of him. She groaned and panted, so many intense feelings she didn't know which way was up. That image was it for him, and he called out her name just before he snarled, letting go. He came hard - he was unable to keep thrusting, little tremors taking over as he spilled into her. But Kagome wasn't done. His deep growling had tightened her spring further, and as it prepared to unravel, she drove herself into a frenzy, rocking on top of him and pinching her little pink peaks until they ached. She tortured him, his sensitive cock begging for the tremors to stop as she tightened, tightened, tightened…

And then it sprung. Kagome screamed as she became undone, seeing black and white at the same time. She could barely move as she felt the climax ease up, little by little. A deep contentment washed over her and she began to move down so that she was again on her hands, then she lowered herself until their heaving chests met.

&&&&& END MATURE CONTENT &&&&&&

Sesshoumaru was sure he had never met such a creature. She was incredible, this tiny, fragile, breakable woman. And yet she was so strong, so controlling, so demanding. Her movements commanded him, and he was content for it to be so. Everyone thought him terrifying - he was the only one that needed to know that she was the only one capable of having power over him.

He noticed that her breathing was more controlled now, and although he enjoyed her flushed skin and little pants, he knew that she desperately needed sleep. Even though she more than made up for it with her enthusiasm and eagerness, she didn't have the stamina he did. So he stroked her back, allowing her to calm and perhaps drift to sleep. He pushed the hair from her face, and she had a contented smile on her face, although her eyes where closed. He stroked her face, and her smile widened as she opened her cerulean eyes.

Kagome hadn't been prepared for the overwhelming warmth she saw in his golden eyes. They were filled with such love and kindness that Kagome felt like nothing bad could ever touch her again. She felt insanely secure, more so than ever. After all, what was there to fear, when her lover was the most powerful being on earth? Winding her arms around him until they could go no further because of the grass, she happily sighed and let her eyes drift close.

Sesshoumaru could feel her joy radiating from her, and if he could purr, he would. He settled for holding her. But she was fighting sleep, and he would not be completely content until she was resting. Once it was decided, the demon sat upright, bringing her with him. She looked at him, puzzled, but he didn't explain. Instead, he completely lifted her, letting her legs dangle as he brought her into the water once again. He could see she was ready to protest, but he silenced her with a tender kiss. Then he took each of her hands and rubbed them meaningfully in the water. She watched in amazement as he cleaned her, attempting not to be erotic. She couldn't help, however, the tingle she felt when he washed her breasts. She flushed, although she could feel that she was too tired to go for another round.

Sesshoumaru fought a grin as he noticed her arousal. He knew she was fighting that as well, so he continued. He washed her knees, her back, her neck… And then she began to wash him as well. His arms and shoulders were a muddy mess from her dirty hands combined with their sweat. And so they lovingly caressed each other until they were clean. At that point, Sesshoumaru lifted the woman into his arms before leaping out of the water. He covered her in his kimono, although she tried to refuse it, and once they were both appropriately clothed, they lay in the grass, holding each other. Sesshoumaru watched her sleep for a few hours before succumbing to his own fatigue, an apprehension gripping him so that he fought against it. But he couldn't fight it for long, and soon he fell asleep.

**************

The flashes of his memory ripped through his mind, tearing open old wounds and creating new ones. Most of them were of him doing horrible, unspeakable things. And enjoying it. There were sparse moments where he would remember the things he had done to help or things that didn't benefit himself. But they were far and few between. He remembered the bloodlust, the joy of killing, the power of taking the lives of others…

And then, abruptly, his vision shifted. Completely black, there was only a light shining down in the middle of nowhere like a spotlight. There was a figure there, in the light. He ran towards it, wondering if this was something he could kill. As he neared it - much too quickly for anything to escape his grasp - he saw the back of a woman. She reached up and shook her hair, as if impatient, waiting for someone. The shiny, coal-black tresses waved methodically, and Sesshoumaru bore down on her, one clawed hand ready. Then she turned…

Sesshoumaru almost choked, his mind tearing him in two directions. Conflicted, he could feel the burning desire to kill this creature, but also felt the raging need to protect her. When she faced him, her eyes where so filled with love and adoration that it stopped him cold. His poisonous talons, upraised and dripping with need, were poised to strike. His other hand was balled into a fist, ready to punch himself right in his face if he should try to harm her. He was immobile, unable to do either, but wanting to do both. She smiled then, reaching for him slowly… His protective longing began to win, pushing aside the part of him that wanted nothing more than her blood on his hands. Was this how it was to be? Constantly caught in a war between killing a creature who had shown him immense kindness and trying to keep her from being harmed… by his own hands?

There had to be another way. It wasn't always those two options, he remembered. The year that they fought Naraku, he was learning tolerance for all creatures, and had even learned to value some forms of life. He had risked life and limb for the girl… Rin? Yes, Rin. He had been to hell, and within the disgusting beast that called itself Naraku. It was there that he saved Kagome from his own brother as he was driven mad by their fathers' blood…

Yes. At the time, he was merely protecting a source of life, but he was also protecting his brother. So there was another option. He didn't have to kill her. But there was no way for him to love her, because at any moment, he could kill her. How could he protect her when the only thing to protect her from is himself? And then his heart tore into two pieces in his chest, making it impossible to breathe. Kagome still stood, her arm outreached towards his doubled-over figure, still smiling. He dropped to his knees, clutching his chest, trying to claw out the source of his pain. But then he realized his heart was already in his hand, dripping blood down his arm, onto the bottom-less, black floor. Horrified, he clutched at his chest again, this time searching for the hole that should be there.

But there was no hole. And when he looked at the heart again, he noticed that it was not a whole heart, but half of one. And as he kneeled before her, one hand to his chest and the other outstretched with half his heart in it, Kagome - still smiling adoringly - reached further towards him and took the piece of heart he held. Horrified, he watched as she held it to her own chest. She smiled down at it and closed her eyes. And then, in a flash of light, it was gone, absorbed into her. She looked up at him, still eternally loving, still adoringly smiling down at him.

“Thank you,” she said in a whisper.

And then she was gone. And the ache in his chest brought him to all fours. He was irreparable - the pain wouldn't stop. He wanted to cry out to her, he wanted to kill something. Anything, as long as this feeling would dissipate. And then he heard his own voice.

“You.”

Now-Sesshoumaru spun to find then-Sesshoumaru avoiding Inuyasha's swipe and ending up right in the face of then-Kagome. She recoiled from him in fear as she held Tessaiga in her hand. He coldly regarded her. Now-Sesshoumaru looked on anxiously, although he knew she would be fine, if now-Kagome was still alive.

“What are you… that you were able to draw the Tessaiga?” then-Sesshoumaru drawled.

“D-don't come any closer! I'll slice you!” then-Kagome yelled valiantly, brandishing the rusty, dull sword. Now-Sesshoumaru smirked at her gumption.

Inuyasha, still handicapped from then-Sesshoumaru's hand-through-the-eye technique, finally caught up to them, waving around threats of his own, although they had no purchase.

“Get away from her, Sesshoumaru! She's not part of this!” he cried, rushing towards his elder brother.

Now-Sesshoumaru growled, his lip curling above his teeth, baring his fangs. How dare the hanyou attempt to champion his woman! But he was well aware that he could do nothing but relive this moment, and so he came closer to the scene that played out before him. But as his brother came closer to then-Sesshoumaru and Kagome, she cried out for him.

“Inuyasha!” Worried for him in his disadvantaged state but unable to get past Sesshoumaru, she only wanted to warn him to stay away. But he assumed the role of her protector, and would never relent.

Now-Sesshoumaru felt his blood boil when he heard her cry out for him. His rolling snarl would have deterred the most lethal demons, but it went unheard here, except by his own ears. He was obviously the odd man out here; a pawn in a game between his brother and his miko. He watched with growing pleasure as the past version of himself readied his toxic claws.

“Alas, I'm afraid she is. Merely by being your companion,” he sneered over his shoulder before turning his attention back to the young then-priestess. And with a flick of his wrist, he released his venomous spray.

Foolishly, she tried to block with his father's heirloom, but even as she screamed, the poison melted everything around her, even turning into poisonous fumes as the bones turned to mush.

Now-Sesshoumaru hadn't expected this. Even though he had begun to feel hatred for the two, he didn't think he was capable of actually harming her. But as he watched in dread, the walls of bone melted, covering her in acidic muck. Again, he knew he could do nothing but look on in anguish.

Inuyasha, slow compared to his brother, was frozen in shock. But suddenly he was moving again, faster than ever. He reached the point where the melted blob of bones and Kagome lay and reached in, trying to pull her out. But the bubbling acid was too strong. Even as he pulled his hand out, his skin peeled and ripped as it was eaten by the poison. He watched for signs of life, but there was nothing but the popping sounds of the melting bones.

“How dull. She was only a mortal girl after all,” then-Sesshoumaru said in a bored tone.

Inuyasha, motionless for a few moments, started to growl. He made a fist, obviously intending to hit Sesshoumaru. His ears flattened against his head, Inuyasha spun. “SESSHOUMARU!”

“This Sesshoumaru grows bored with this. Die,” then-Sesshoumaru said calmly, reaching with his own attack. Now-Sesshoumaru felt his anger welling again - to hear his brother avenging Kagome so fiercely made him want to rip Inuyasha's throat out.

Both now- and then-Sesshoumaru were surprised at the suddenly lightning-fast hanyou. He landed a hit, although Sesshoumaru was still too fast for it to be serious. He was twenty feet away in the blink of an eye. Now-Sesshoumaru suddenly noticed Jaken, squawking in the corner about how much faster Inuyasha suddenly was.

With a smirk, then-Sesshoumaru addressed his brother, attempting to goad him further.

“Why so angry, Inuyasha? There are a million more where she came from…”

Even in his anger, now-Sesshoumaru growled at his past words. Nonsense. There were none like Kagome. She was a singular star, brighter than any other. Inuyasha interrupted his thoughts, speaking in a low voice and stretching his claws, supposedly for another attack.

“This time, I'll rip your bowels from your belly!” But instead of attacking, he seemed to be lost in thought, his face torn.

Just then, there was a small sucking sound, and the brothers turned towards the pile of goo. Shocked beyond belief, they watched as Kagome popped out from the mess as if she had merely been under a blanket, instead of an acidic layer of melted bones. Even now-Sesshoumaru thought his eyes were going to pop out in his astonishment. By the very laws of nature, she should be dead!

“Fleh!” she said, wiping goop away from her face. “Man! I thought I was dead!”

As if he didn't have anything better to say, Inuyasha just stared. “Oh… yeah?” he said as if commenting on the weather.

Relief poured over now-Sesshoumaru, and then he became amused with her antics. Typical Kagome. Although it seemed that then-Kagome wasn't nearly as powerful as now-Kagome. Otherwise she would have purified the jyaki and his former self, for which he was grateful that she hadn't.

Then-Kagome pointed Tessaiga at then-Sesshoumaru as he looked on, bored again. Inuyasha looked exasperated.

“O-kay, you! You tried to kill me, didn't you?”

Now-Sesshoumaru grinned. Then-Kagome was quite cheeky, wasn't she?

“Well, you're gonna regret that! I'm about to make you pay!”

Was she going to use her powers now?

With a smile on her face, she turned to Inuyasha, handing him Tessaiga. He took it, although he still looked a little put out.

“Here,” she said.

“Right,” he murmured.

“This sword looks really awesome,” she encouraged. “Go to it!”

Inuyasha narrowed his eyes at her, still not believing what he was seeing. “Tell me… Why are you suddenly so… bouncy?”

Now-Sesshoumaru listened as his past self figured out what had happened.

“Of course. The shield spell… shielded her.”

Myouga, amazingly present, spoke to Inuyasha from atop his shoulder. “Lord Inuyasha, don't hold back anymore! Bite the cur deep… with your father's fang!”

Tired with the proceedings, then-Sesshoumaru began to let his youki take over. It howled for Inuyasha's blood, and the transformation began.

As his eyes bled crimson, he addressed his brother. “Feh. Another little joke? Let us see what a half-breed like you can do with the purity of the Tessaiga... Against the equal purity of this Sesshoumaru…”

His speech cut off as his face lengthened into a muzzle filled with razor-sharp teeth. His hands became paws as he turned to all fours, crushing the bones beneath him with his massive weight. He was in his true form now, a giant, white dog.

Inuyasha stood in front of Kagome, attempting to protect her. “He's… he's…”

“Back in his true form, that's all,” Inuyasha finished for her. The dog swung its' massive head towards them. “It'll be a dead form now!” he cried as he leapt up to strike. He hit Sesshoumaru square on his crescent moon, but the dull sword did no damage whatsoever. It did, however, vibrate and ring from the impact. “EH?!” the hanyou exclaimed in surprise. “Not a scratch?!”

Sesshoumaru's jaws snapped at him on the way down and Inuyasha barely missed becoming a chew toy. He landed, but sprung away just in time for Sesshoumaru's teeth to smash into the thousands of bones on the floor where his brother had just stood.

Inuyasha, frustrated, turned to the little flea demon on his shoulder. “You bloody little dog-sucker - what is this?” The old flea hopped and cried out in his anxiety, but Inuyasha wasn't done. “I thought this sword was supposed to slice through anything!”

“Look out!” the tiny youkai warned as a giant paw came smashing down.

Inuyasha leapt deftly out of the way, although the claws of the giant dog were - as in his humanoid form - poisonous. The gouged a pit in the floor, and it melted into a pool.

“Listen well while you can, Lord Inuyasha!” Myouga warned. “That blade is a piece of your dear, departed General father! You must have faith in its' demonic powers, and never let it out of your grasp! Remember my words!”

Now-Sesshoumaru realized how true those words rang. His brother - at the time - had no idea that the sword had also been made to heel his demonic blood. How nae he had been to be jealous. How he had coveted that sword…

“That said… see you in the next lifetime!” Ah, now that was the Myouga we all knew and loved. Running away as usual…

“Hey!” Inuyasha yelled. “Stop, you!” Regardless, Inuyasha couldn't halt. The gigantic white dog was constantly looming over him, and he was in a constant mode of evasion.

As another paw came crashing down, Inuyasha swiped at it. It hit its' mark, but did no damage.

“That's it, Inuyasha! That one hurt him! Give him some more!”

Now-Sesshoumaru scowled, hating his brother for the position he had been placed in and hating the woman for loving his brother. She was actually cheering for him to get hurt!

Inuyasha was peeved. He jumped over to her. “Listen here… that didn't even make him blink, all right?”

“Well, not yet…” she added innocently. “But you've got your father's sword, right? C'mon! I believe in you! Don't you?”

He scowled back at her. “Keh. I wouldn't be so cheerful if I was you,” he said petulantly. “I'm strong enough to survive his blows, but you'll be jelly soon.”

“Y-you mean… you're giving up?” she said quietly with tears in her eyes.

Inuyasha was temporarily stunned. Then he became angry. “Stop that right now!”

“Y-you said I shouldn't be-”

“Shut up! I meant, let me protect you! Do you hear me?!”

Now it was Kagome's turn to be shocked. “Eh?”

Inuyasha turned towards Sesshoumaru, walking away. “Just sit tight and watch.”

Speechless, Kagome could only do what he commanded.

Inuyasha faced the huge form in front of him and held out the sword. As he did, it pulsed. He, then-Sesshoumaru, and even now-Sesshoumaru felt it. Tessaiga was awakening.

And now-Sesshoumaru had an epiphany. His arrogant past self had merely thought that Inuyasha had simply learned to feel Tessaiga's energy, or perhaps it had been a fluke. But now, as an observer, he really saw. It had been Kagome that pulled the sword out. And it was she that inspired Tessaiga to awaken for Inuyasha. It had been no fluke. As if it were fate. As if she had been made for Inuyasha.

And now-Sesshoumaru, although he was asleep, felt his eyes bleed crimson as his youki called out for revenge against the traitorous brother and the phony woman.

******************

The skies were still a deep blue color when Kagome woke up, an intense feeling of discord inside her. She had had possibly the best night of her life, but she felt something was amiss. She realized that she was sleeping in Sesshoumaru's arms which soothed her momentarily. She heard him making sounds in his sleep… it sounded like he was growling. Kagome fought back a giggle - but if he started moving his legs like he was chasing after something, she was going to lose it.

One of his arms was draped over her, and she realized it was tightened into a fist. Could he be dreaming more of his memories? She looked up at his beautiful face… and wished she hadn't. He was definitely asleep, but his face was in a fearsome scowl. Whatever he was remembering, it wasn't pleasant.

Although she was happy to help him when the bad memories came back, it usually stirred bad memories of her own - and unwanted feelings. She was amazed at how versatile Sesshoumaru was. Underneath it all, he was a very smart and practical being. If she tried to make him see the glass as half full, he would often accept it that way. There were - of course - times when he would only see it his way. But you can only lead a horse to water…

Idly, she wondered if he looked like this every time his memories flooded through him. But… no. Probably not. He looks furious. And he hadn't been too angry the times he had come to her for advice. Kagome began to wonder what memory it was. Was it something from the time she had known him? There were only two or three memories of him that she remembered that he had not spoken of. Perhaps it was of a younger memory? He didn't speak of his upbringing. Maybe they were too painful for him to talk about. Could that be why he seemed like he was about to kill something?

Kagome slipped from his arms and began to dress in her own clothes. Although it was warm in the cave, some of the cooler air from outside blew in and she was chilly, now that she wasn't in the demon's embrace. She looked back at him and he seemed more reserved. She sighed happily, hoping it was over. As a chill rolled up her spine, Kagome thought ruefully about Rin, Jaken, and Ah-Un. While she and Sesshoumaru had spent the night in the warm cave, they had to brave the cold night outside near the forest. Well, she would make sure that wouldn't happen again. What if the fire had burned out? Rin could become ill…

She glanced back at Sesshoumaru, who looked even angrier than before, if that was possible. With a worried frown on her own face, Kagome left the shelter of the cave to check on the younger girl.

Of course, they were used to this. They had lived this way for almost three years - outdoors, with no home or place they came back to often. When she came upon them, Rin and Jaken were both cuddled up to the two-headed dragon. They were not touching, of course, but Rin had a blanket draped over both of them. The dragon itself - she knew from experience - was quite warm and the cold didn't seem to affect it. The fire, however, was very low. It seemed that the winds had blown a few pieces of its' fuel out of reach. Kagome picked up the stray sticks and dried foliage and placed them back into the fire, which crackled happily.

Sitting near the fire, she wondered what they were going to do today. In the past week it had gotten even colder, so there would be no swimming. Oh! Rin's kimono should be done… they could go pick it up. She should have checked yesterday while she was in town. Kagome blushed lightly, remembering that she could only think of seeing Sesshoumaru yesterday. For a few minutes, Kagome remembered the anxiety that had flooded her when she was separated from her youkai. And the immense relief - like drinking milk after eating something too spicy - she felt when she finally saw him. It was like all of a sudden, all was right. Without her noticing, the sky had lightened to a pinkish color. Then it had turned orange. The sun was about to rise.

She heard a yawn, and it was Rin. The girl was waking, and she saw Kagome immediately. Not wanting to wake anyone else, she only smiled to the older woman. The miko smiled back and Kagome stood; she knew she should get back to Sesshoumaru. Rin tried to sit up, but the too-small kimono restricted her movement. The girls giggled quietly, and Rin stood, stretching. One of the dragon's two heads looked up at the two and yawned. Then they heard something that sounded like a roar nearby. Afraid that a bear or another youkai had scented them, Kagome stood in front of Rin. She wished she had her bow and quiver, but she didn't think she would need them, being that Sesshoumaru was so close.

Speaking of which… where was he? He should have heard that, sleeping or not. And he should be here by now.

“S-Sesshoumaru?” Kagome called out tentatively, just loud enough that she knew he would hear from the cave.

They heard the enraged roar again, and they both froze. Ah-Un was on its' feet now, on alert. In the process, it had dumped Jaken on the floor, and he was trying to regain his sense of consciousness now.

“W-what? Where?”

“That's…”

Rin didn't need to finish the sentence. Kagome knew exactly who it was.

They all stood, frozen as stone, facing the waterfall. Within a few seconds, a white figure appeared. It stalked menacingly towards the little group. Kagome wondered why he was so angry. Was it because she hadn't been there when he woke up? Had he been concerned? But as he came closer, she - as well as the others - could see that his eyes were a bright red. Ah-Un grunted nervously. Jaken scooted backwards to the dragon's flanks. Rin, already behind Kagome, gripped her sweater but did not cower. She wasn't afraid of Sesshoumaru. But Kagome, even though she had shared passion with the demon, was afraid.

This was not a normal reaction. The last time he woke up from regaining bad memories he had snapped at her. Could the same have happened? But it wouldn't change him, would it? Could it? Last week he had apologized afterwards, realizing his mistake. But right now, he looked… murderous.

He was only halfway to them when he started to speak, and Kagome recognized the growly, inhuman voice from when she had seen him transform. Was he really going to transform right now?

“Humans. Leave my lands.”

Rin and Kagome looked at each other and back to him. Did he mean them? Or were there others in the forest, where they couldn't see?

“S-Sesshoumaru-sama?” Rin ventured.

“GO!” he snapped.

They started, but neither could seem to believe what was happening. Sesshoumaru was kicking them out? Why?

“Sesshoumaru-sama…”

A snarl ripped through his throat before he took a swipe at the girl, but luckily Ah-Un had been just as quick, zapping his arm with a bolt of lightning. He growled at the beast, but the dragon didn't seem to mind. Kagome, stunned, pushed Rin towards the pack youkai. Rin held tightly to her, not wanting to be separated in this confusing tirade, but Kagome expertly unfurled her fingers and the dragon pushed the girl up onto its' back.

Then, Kagome turned her attention to the demon lord.

“Sesshoumaru, what's going on? Why are you doing this?”

“Do not speak to this Sesshoumaru, lowly human. I do what I must.”

Tears pricked at her eyes, the words stinging her. “Sesshoumaru, I thought we…” She couldn't quite convey the words. “I love you, Sesshoumaru,” she whispered. The tears were flowing freely now.

She thought she saw his blood red eyes melt, but then there were like steel again.

“This Sesshoumaru does not love. Be gone, and take the girl with you.”

“But Rin… she's been with you all this time. You're like a father to-”

“THIS SESSHOUMARU HAS NO FAMILY!” he roared, making them all flinch.

“Y-you… you said…”

Kagome paused, feeling a tug on her sweater. She turned to find Rin there, a pink backpack in her hand and a rejected look on her face. Kagome wondered if Rin mirrored her own face, tears and all.

Kagome, attempting to save face, turned back to Sesshoumaru, a scowl on her face.

“If you don't love me, that's fine. But don't take this out on Rin. She belongs here.”

“I have no place with humans,” he spat. “Leave, or face my claws.”

Turning quickly, Kagome grabbed Rin's hand and ran.

--------------------End Chapter------------------------

Thanks:

To my peers at Inuyashafan-fiction: dirtydogs57, SilverRaven, and snowbird.

Fanfiction.net: Missy Misa - YourLastNightmare

deviantART: Cali2007 and Daddyslilgirl01

MediaMiner replies: DivaG - Yes, it HAS been some time since I've seen you! I'm glad you're enjoying, I just hope you stick with me for this one. Some people might not like where it's headed, but I promise that the end will be great. And yes, because he was like, this entirely shiny new being, he was capable of things no one knew was possible. Of course, it seems that's all ended. In fact, it looks like he's even worse than before. But if that were entirely true, then he would have killed Rin and Kagome. *grin*

buzzk97 - ok, have I let you down now? Lol I hope you can understand that I haven't abandoned the SessKag-iness of this story. As for your question of “Will Inuyasha ever tell Kagome that he wanted to marry her?” … Well, I hope you can guess the answer. C'mon, I believe in you! YOU CAN DO IT! This story's gonna be crazy in many ways. I hope you stick around. *wink*

Waterunleashed - Thanks so much! Personally, I haven't read any of those stories, but I've been hearing about them at all my sites in my reviews. I'm glad that everyone pretty much feels like you do, that my story has a different feel to it. I hope this chapter has answered all your questions, but I also hope it hasn't turned you away from the story. Thanks for reading!