Bro Druid: Date a Druid

 Music sounded as a sea otter in a nice suit and tie walked out onto the colorfully decorated stage. Three chairs sat close together, separated from a fourth by a screen. A packed crowd cheered loudly in anticipation of the show. This performance was the first of a new theater game called Date a Druid for the Cove of the Summer Breeze. It was a children’s charity fundraiser, with all proceeds from ticket sales benefiting young ones in need.

 

“Hello and welcome to Date a Druid. I’m your host Finn, and we’ve got a great show for you tonight,” the suited sea otter called to the crowd. A good mix of locals and tourists had come to see this new theater game. As the host finished his intro, Bodhi, wearing a white aloha shirt and black board shorts, was pushed on stage. “Here’s our first contestant now. Take your seat and tell the crowd about yourself.”

 

“Hi, I’m Bodhi,” the blue-striped lifeguard introduced himself. He waved at the cheering crowd before taking his seat. “I’m five-ten, an avid surfer, a decent ukulele player, and as you can tell from the stripes a very good lifeguard, bros.”

 

“Alright and tell us what you’re looking for in a date,” Finn asks as the applause dies down again. 

 

“You know, bro, I’m just looking for someone who likes the water, long walks on the beach, and cuddling in a hammock,” Bodhi answers, eliciting another round of cheering from the audience. Some members of the crowd threw out their offers of dates.

 

“Let’s settle down and welcome the first lovely ladies competing for a date with our lifeguard,” Finn called above the crowd as he motioned to the far side of the stage. A red kangaroo with red and grey fur, wearing short khaki shorts and a tight green tank top, walked onstage to the first empty seat where the host now stood. Standing at five-six hailing from Mid Cove, we have Sheila. Tell the crowd about yourself and what you want in a date.”

 

“G’day, mates. I’m the Beach Ranger who’s probably ticketed some of you bogans,” the kangaroo smiled as the crowd laughed. We’ll get on as long as he ain’t some sort of legless brogan or a hoon. Be warned, though, I don’t pash on a first date.”

 

“That voice sounds like some bro I know and wouldn’t mind getting to know again,” Bodhi smirks from his side of the divider. If that’s who I think it is, she’s lying about not being a no-kissing-on-the-first-date type of bro.”

 

“Settle down,” Finn ordered the crowd as they erupted into laughter. Next up, at five even, we have Rose hailing from somewhere I can’t quite pronounce. Tell us a bit about yourself, ma’am.”

 

“Watch that, ma’am talk,” the white rabbit said as she made her way to her seat, her prosthetic leg thumping on every other step. She made her way to her seat next to Sheila and nervously chewed on her rose gold lip ring for a moment before answering. “I’m a cardio nurse with a child who I love more than anything. In my spare time, I like to hang out with friends, cook, sew, or embroider.”

 

“That bro also sounds familiar and if I think its who it sounds like, that’s one thicc babe,” Bodhi commented from behind the divider again. Once again, the crowd laughs and cheers before being settled down by Finn. The host motioned for the final girl to come out, but no one came. A brief struggle offstage resulted in a brown hyena with silver stripes and pink hair that fell past her shoulders pushed on stage. She nervously waved at the crowd, looking embarrassed in the blue half-shirt and floral skirt she had forced on her. “There’s our final contestant! Nixie is six-one, towering over the competition and coming from North Cove. Tell the good folks a little about yourself.”

 

“Uh, my roommate calls me Nix, and so does everyone else,” Nixie squeaked, nearly fainting into her chair. She had been forced into this, and the crowd was making her very nervous. “I work at one of the Breeze of the Tropics smoothie shacks on the beach.”

 

“There’s a voice I don’t recognize, but don’t be shy, bro.” Bodhi laughed from behind the screen. He shifted in his chair, winking at the audience. “We’re all just having fun here.”

 

Over the next hour, Finn led the contestants through a series of games. Sheila did her best at the physical challenges. Rose’s interview blew away the audience, and several fell in love with her. Despite being shy and quiet, Nix dominated the general trivia round. Bodhi provided his colored commentary from behind the screen the whole time.

 

“Well folks, it looks too close to call,” Finn declared as he tallied up the imaginary points he’d been handing out. “Would our mystery male please choose the final tie breaker?”

 

“How about ro sham bo, bro,” Bodhi suggested, unsure what to choose. It only took one round to find a winner. Rose threw scissors, which beat out everyone else’s paper. Finn brought the rabbit lady around the barrier to get her prize. “Ah, Rose bro! I knew it was you!”

 

“Bodhi? Why are you doing a dating game,” the white lapine nurse asked, surprised to see the sea otter.

 

“I could ask you the same thing bro but I thought they were going to have me sing for charity. I misread the flyer,” the blue-striped lifeguard answered. Rose shook her head and laughed as she left the stage with Bodhi.

 

“Come on mate,lets get you home. Ya look buggered,” Sheila told the hyena next to her as she stood up. “I don’t know why your so fascinated by that drongo.”

 

“Thanks anyway for breaking the rules to figure out it was him beforehand,” Nix sighed, grateful to finally be allowed offstage.