Tome of Naedithas: Biweekly - Fear in the corner of eyes

FEATURED CHARACTER(S): Naedithas Ambartanen
CONTENT WARNING(S): Angst, Aggression, Blood, Mentions of murder, Supernatural: mentions of possession
PROMPT/LOCATION: Biweekly [#89] : What would your character's greatest fears look like personified? Can they overcome?
ARTWORK: ZAKULF

 

„Don’t touch me!“

Everytime those words left Naedithas’ lips, he felt another part of himself break. How often did he have to tell others off even though he craved physical contact? Longed for an embrace, no matter how short it might be. Even just a gentle brush past his shoulder, a pat of acknowledgement for work well done.

None of the sort was possible and he cursed every fiber of his being since the day where things were put in motion. The day where he had to leave his parents behind to reach adulthood in their tribe’s trial. Where he touched what should have been left unstirred. When he returned, victorious, but with another personality in tow. Sharing each breath he drew and each sensation he experienced.

The moment where he murdered his parents in an embrace. Unaware, controlled by another entity, used as a puppet to sate long slumbering desires. It hurt him to think about what happened, the moment he was in control of his own body once more, drenched in blood and trembling. His eyes locked on the lifeless bodies of those he held dear. His father who had faith in him. His mother who told him how proud she was that he was ready to face the trial. Both of them who gave him the feathered earring he wore with so much pride. Now being nothing more than a reminder of his failure. His weakness of not being able to surpress the entity going rampant.

Since then, so much changed in his life. Not yet being ready to die but at the same time not deserving to live. Not being allowed to show strong emotions in fear of giving the entity an outlet. It was a nonstop struggle. Each time someone tried to thank him with a gentle touch, a simple gesture, he jolted back in fear, eyes widened and muscles trembling. He couldn’t risk anyone else coming close for his body did unexpected movements. His hands suddenly spasming, grabbing the neck of an animal and breaking it in the progress. Him trying to take a sip from a cup which was suddenly thrown onto the ground with such force that its shards flew in every direction possible. Sometimes even waking up to strangling himself in his sleep and gasping for air with tears in his eyes.

He was scared. So scared, to lose himself fully over time and hurting others with the body of his, because the longer this went on, the more powerful the entity became. Naedithas could see it in the corner of his eye and hear its voice whispering horrible things.

Kill them.
Bathe in their blood. 
Don’t hold back.
They deserve it.
We’re stronger.
You could be so much more.
Let’s have our revenge... 
Just let go.
Close your eyes...
Sleep for a bit, let me take care of things. 
I promise it’ll be worth it.

Though, no matter what it told him, he wasn’t ready yet to give in. Not yet. He didn’t do enough to atone and would fight as long as he could until he couldn’t take it anymore. He’d rather die than letting such an abomination run free… Especially not wearing his face. The face of a wood-elf whose parents wanted nothing more than him being happy. His biggest fear was to lose himself, seeing those reddened hands once more. A loved one at his feet, lifeless and mangled...

I can't let that happen.