Things Never Spoken: Crumbling Castle

Chapter 10

    The door eased open with a low creak as the red head stepped inside the new place he’d be staying. It was stuffy and hot, but clean. He sighed as he closed the door behind him and proceeded to look around. It was quiet. He’d grown used to the quiet recently… not by choice… but the emptiness of this place wasn’t lost on him. He glanced out the window at some children running down the street before resigning himself to a long night alone.

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    He cracked his eyes open as the persistent tapping echoed mercilessly in his aching head. He groaned as he rolled out of the damp bed sheets and groggily pulled his jeans on, knocking over an empty bottle on the night stand as he did.

    “I’m coming,” he growled as he finally got to the door and lazily undid the deadlock.

    “Idiot! What the hell have you been doing?!” Rukia’s reprimanding voice rushed in at him.

    Renji rubbed his eye with the heel of his hand as she pushed past him, followed promptly by Ichigo’s lanky form. He closed the door before he trailed behind them, trying not to think much, particularly about them.  

    “Jeeze! It’s like a sauna in here!” Rukia complained.

    “I know.” He replied blandly as he flopped down on the sofa, pulling his loose hair up off his neck with one hand.

    “We only pay the ac bill when we’re going to be here. Sorry, Renji, I forgot about it,” Ichigo said pulling at his shirt collar.

    The petite girl disregarded his topless form as she noticed something else lingering in the air. “Have you been drinking?” came her disapproving tone. “Where did you get money for booze, Renji?!”

    “I robbed an old lady on the streets,” he said sarcastically. In truth he was still a little buzzed, but he really wasn’t in any kind of mood at the moment to take being lectured. “Shit, how do you think I got it? I cut the neighbor’s grass,” he growled at her.

    “You get a meager amount of money and you spend it on booze?! You don’t have that kind of luxury, idiot!” She barked back at him in strong disapproval.

    In a flurry of motion, he flew off the couch and threw the coffee table out of his way as he grabbed her shirt collar and pulled her up to his face. “You think I don’t know that?!” he screamed in an angry frustration.

    He felt Ichigo’s hand squeezing his shoulder and he slowly turned his eyes from Rukia’s startled face to Ichigo’s stern one, “Ease up. You know we’re not your enemies, Renji.”

    The red-head slowly looked back at Rukia with creased eyebrows before he lowered her back to the floor, “Sorry…” he muttered and walked away, returning to the sweltering bedroom and crawling back onto the bed.

    “Is…” Rukia began, “Is it the hollow coming back?” she asked, looking up to Ichigo with dread.

    The young man stared at the empty doorway, “No… I think… it’s just him.”

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    The small woman walked softly into the bedroom, observing his glistening back and the subtle rise and fall as he breathed. She stopped as she got to the foot of the bed and called his name quietly. He remained still and didn’t respond.

    “Listen,” she said, “I’m sorry I yelled at you. I know you’re still upset about everything… I was just worried these past two weeks at soul society… and this disappointed me...”    

    “It’s not easy, Rukia.” he said, his voice holding an obvious tone of despair that he could usually hide. “I… don’t have anything left…”

    The girl frowned as she watched his steady breaths become shaky and uneven. She stepped around to the side of the bed where his face remained hidden from her and put her hand on his quivering back. “I’m still here,” she said somberly, “I’ll always be here...”

    He smiled in bitter irony before he lifted his head and sat up, “Sorry,” he muttered, “still a little drunk...” With an audible sniffle, he used the back of his arm to wipe his face. As the bed shifted under her meager weight, he looked puzzled to find her kneeling in front of him.

    With thin, nimble arms she protectively embraced him and he found himself immediately clinging to her with a hopelessly unquenchable desperation. He buried his face in her as her fingers stroked gently through his unbound hair. He could feel her heartbeat against his lips and he wept for the scornful taste of his forbidden fruit.

    “I’ll always love you, Renji. No matter what happens. You know that.” Rukia said resting her cheek atop is shaggy head.

    The damaged man bit his lip as he listened to her ignorant words. ‘You’ll never love me the way I need you to...’ It seemed he was finally falling apart, and the irony was that it was from a poison that had been in his system for half a century.

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    Ichigo was pensive as he slid back from the doorway, moving to stand at an open window. Why was this so complicated? As if things weren’t fucked up enough already, Renji’s blatant denial was grating on his nerves.  He wasn’t even really that certain of what he, himself, wanted. Rukia had made her stand obvious, but did she know how Renji felt? What had gone on between them before? Had she rejected him? The boy wanted to know, but he didn’t have the nerve to ask… Whatever Renji wanted, if he didn’t make it clear, his window of opportunity was going to close for good… one way or another.

    Ichigo sympathized with his friend. He felt bad about the whole Rukia situation, but at the same time a lingering selfishness prevented him from stepping aside. Yet he also wanted to stay close and keep an eye on the man, but his school and shinigami duties prevented him from doing so. The hollow had remained dormant since the escapade with the scientists, but Urahara was convinced this was the calm before the storm. They’d have to deal with that disaster when it happened, he supposed. Until then, Renji was a loaded gun that had to be handled carefully.

    He heard the ting of the pair of syringes knocking together as he twiddled in his pocket. A precaution Sandal-Hat had insisted upon. He didn’t like it though. In an alternate reality he could see himself in Renji’s place; afraid, alone, unable to trust himself. His own hallow was under control for now, but late at night, when he was comfortably curled in his bed, he could feel the hollow’s cold, pale hands at his throat; waiting for the time to strike when he couldn‘t defend himself. Perhaps trying to save Renji was really some twisted, selfish act of trying to save himself.

    When Rukia emerged from the bedroom with Renji in tow, Ichigo was swiftly brought from his musings, “Ah, feeling better now?”

    Renji nodded, pulling his hair up into a ponytail and securing his headband as Rukia moved to pick up a bag she’d brought in and forgotten about. “Come, Ichigo. Let’s eat lunch.” She dug through the bag briefly before handing the boy a bento box and then holding a white paper bag up for Renji to take. “Here’s yours,” she said.

    Renji sat down as he explored its contents giving a small crooked smirk when he saw the golden teriyaki at the bottom. He’d been pretty hungry these past days, so the indulgence was a welcome treat. Rukia always remembered his favorite foods.

    The meal was cut short, however when Rukia’s phone went off. She put down her mostly-empty plate as she pulled it out to look. “A hollow,” she said drawing her brow.

    Ichigo started to get up, but she pushed him back down abruptly, “I’ve got it.” Renji scrambled to catch her gigai as she went into soul form. “It’s pretty far off, so I might be a while,” she called back as she hurried on her way.

    “Pyon?” the gigai chirped as it looked up at Renji, batting its eyes sweetly. “Chappy! Hell no!” He quickly fished out the soul candy, much to Ichigo’s relief.

    Ichigo exhaled sharply, “I was afraid we’d be stuck with that thing until she got back… Thank God… Listen I‘m gonna go see if I can get the AC working. This heat is intense,” he paused before adding, “You… You gonna be okay?”

    “Why wouldn’t I be? I‘ve been suffering through this for two weeks.” Renji said impassively as he put the soul candy in his pocket and wiped the spit off his fingers.
    
    The boy frowned slightly and shook his head, “Never mind…”

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    Renji sat there on the couch for a time, simply holding the petite gigai in his lap. It was warm against his already hot body, but somehow he didn’t want to put her down. Scooping his hand under her knees he lifted the limp body and walked to the bedroom, laying her down on the bed gently. He stepped back as he stared at the motionless gigai, his mind swimming as his eyes took her in. He must have stood there gazing at her for five minutes before he finally crouched down next to the bed and timidly reached out to brush the hair away from her features. Her eyes were closed, and her mouth was ajar as his fingers reluctantly moved to those perfect glistening lips and traced their plump shape longingly. They were so soft. He found his tongue darting out to wet his own lips as he swallowed. The things racing through his mind made him want to scream ‘no!’ but he couldn’t find the strength to banish them.

    His index finger probed into the gloriously wet mouth as it had done moments earlier, however for a vastly different reason.  He felt the heat spiraling through him, more severe that it had been since he’d arrived. The sweat dripped from his headband as he focused on the soft feel of her tongue against the pad of his finger. He didn’t like to think of himself as a pervert, but he couldn’t deny how many times he’d fantasized about being inside that tiny wet mouth of hers. He let out a small, breathy whimper as he adjusted his jeans, trying not to notice the obvious tightness. Instead he removed his finger, letting his hand wonder down her thin, delicate neck, leaving a trail of wetness where he touched.

    Eventually, his legs forced him up and onto the bed, where he crouched over her, feeling desperate and wrong as he stared down at the pristine face. His arms trembled as they held him up, planted on the bed on either side of her shoulders. He could feel sweat running down his cheek as he allowed himself to crouch closer, his face only a hair’s width away from hers’. To taste her would be a crime in his mind, but to not, would take a resolve he no longer possessed.

    They connected; his mouth covering hers’ in an apprehensive but affectionate union. Then he parted from her, his eyes anxiously searching her face as if expecting the empty gigai to react to the offense. When it didn’t, he nervously went in for another… then another… He licked at her parted lips, and boldly entered with a curious tongue as he moved his leg over her so that he was now straddling the tiny body.

    Renji could clearly feel the throb of a demanding erection pushing against his jeans and he paused in thought for a moment, trying to grasp the reality of what he was doing. He swallowed as he lifted one hand and undid his belt. His eyes were wide and somewhat frightened as he stared down at the unmoving face of the woman he loved so much. Cringing in utter disgust at himself, he finally slid his hand in and grabbed his weeping dick, stroking it harshly as he buried his face into the nape of her neck and cried.

    He’d never been as ashamed of anything as he was now in this one horrible moment. He wanted to be hurt, beaten, flogged for what he was doing right now, but all he could do was sob as he continued to ruthlessly pump his sweat-slicked cock.

    After a few more agonizing moments he was able to bring himself to orgasm, spilling his heavy load onto the bed just beneath the juncture of her legs.      
    
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    He lay there beside the abused gigai, watching her with unfocused, wet eyes. He was almost in a fetal position as his exhausted mind seemed to turn off while he absently stroked her hand with his thumb. He’d managed to close his pants back up, but the mess was still an obvious testament to his crime. He just couldn’t muster the will to stand right now…

    Ichigo hadn’t been gone long after discovering the landlord’s office to be empty he’d quickly made his way back to the house, and was now standing in shocked horror as he observed the scene before him. Renji’s back was to him as he saw Rukia’s gigai peeking from the other side of him. The smell was pungent and obvious enough, even if the large wet slick on the bed sheets wasn’t a dead give away.

    He scowled as he grabbed the man and viciously yanked him up by the neck, “What the fuck is wrong with you?!” He screamed in the red-head‘s face, fist drawn and ready to fly.    
    
    Renji didn’t fight back or protest as he was pulled up by the neck none-too-gently by an irate Ichigo. He only grimaced at the pain and remained faint, “Ichigo…” came his hoarse voice, “Hit me please.”

    The teen sneered as he shoved the disturbed man down into the side of the bed, causing it to shriek sharply as it slid back over the wood floor. “Have you lost your damn mind!?” Ichigo yelled, noticing the obvious wetness under the older man’s weary eyes. He was obviously outraged, but trying to keep his temper, despite that. “What!? What the hell are you thinking, Renji?!”

    Renji’s voice was quiet and dry when he finally spoke, “I’m losing it, Ichigo… Please… please don‘t bring her here anymore. I can‘t…” he trailed off.

 The shinigami boy pursed his lips as he knelt down in front of his torpid friend. “You lied to me,” he said indignantly, making Renji look up at him slightly puzzled, “You told me you didn’t care. You stupid bastard, will you just tell her how you feel?”  

    The tattooed man squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head in objection, “I can’t.”

    “Tell her- Or I will!” He growled out, letting his fist find the other man’s chest.

 Renji’s eyes grew large as he looked worriedly at the orange-haired boy, “Don’t, Ichigo!” he protested. “I don’t want her to know!”

    “Why!?” came the irate reply.

    Renji frowned and lowered his eyes, “We can’t be together. I resigned myself to that a long time ago. Her knowing would only make it uncomfortable for us,” he said sadly.

    “Nothing is written in stone. Don‘t you think she should have a say in this?” Ichigo asked, watching as Renji gently rubbed his chest where he had punched him a second ago.

    The red-head seemed reluctant to answer. “It’s complicated…” he finally muttered.

    “Not nearly as complicated as it will be if I get involved with her. You haven’t forgotten that little tid-bit, have you?” Ichigo said sourly.

    “I just want her to be happy…” his voice cracked, making the teen’s face soften a tad, “She deserves… more than I can giver her. I promised myself that I’d never be the one holdin’ her down, and I know you‘ll be good to her, Ichigo. You‘re a good man.”

    “Yeah, but…you’re miserable like this…” Ichigo thought aloud as he watched his friend’s furrowed visage.

    Renji was quiet, “…I gave her up so she could become happy… but it’s never effected me like this before. I’ve never felt so…”

    “Desperate?” Ichigo offered.

    Renji glanced at his face, “I was gonna say defenseless…” There was a pregnant pause between them before he spoke again. “I been keepin’ her at arm’s length for a long, long time,” he began, “I seen her with other men before, I seen her get hurt, and I felt the hurt with her. When I seen her with you at Urahara’s… I didn’t know anything… ‘sept that it hurt to see her in someone else’s arms…”

    Ichigo stood up with a sigh as he looked over at the girl’s abused gigai.

    “I just… wanted to know what it was like to kiss her… I didn‘t mean to take it so far.”

 The boy turned away, “I‘d say… you should have asked her for a kiss, but I guess… there’s no real harm done, is there?”

    Renji’s mouth gaped as he looked up at the boy’s back.

    “Spend some time with her, Renji,” he said. “Take her somewhere nice. Maybe then you’ll find your resolve… one or the other.” He added, knowing it could go either way. “This is the last time I’m gonna push Rukia away for your sake.”

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    “I wish Ichigo had come. He’s really missing out. ” Rukia said as she nibbled on her takoyaki. This Tanabata festival was bigger than the ones she traditionally went to, but she’d always loved Tanabata, and it was nice to see Renji enjoying himself.

    The weather was a bit hot for July, and her yukata was clinging to her skin, making walking around the amusements less enjoyable. Renji was wearing a simple dark blue kimono as he walked at her side eating his dango on a skewer, making an awful mess… not unusual. She giggled as she watched him. “It’s about to fall,” she said just before one of the dumplings dripped off the skewer and fell onto the ground.

    “Aw man…” he cursed as he looked down at the lost dumpling.

    “That’s your forth one. I think you can afford one loss,” she smiled as she reached up to wipe some sauce from his cheek.

    He flushed as the napkin reached his face and shyly looked away, “So… what do you wanna do now?” The night was bright with stars, and they’d just about been around the whole festival.

    “Let’s sit” she said pointing to the grassy shore of the rippling waters that ran along most of the festival grounds. “Where’s your tanzaku?” she asked, as they got near the water. “I think we can set them afloat now, don’t’ you?”
    
    Renji nodded as he pulled the small piece of paper out of his kimono sleeve, “Yeah. I see some floating around already,” he said as she happily set up the tiny bamboo craft on the water.

    He handed her his paper and she added it to the small vessel before she set it down in the slowly moving waters. They watched as the small light drifted out over the dark water.

    “So what’d you wish for?” she asked as they sat on the cool grass together.

    “I’m not telling you!” he barked at her in disapproval.

    “Oh c’mon! You told me when we were kids!” she said putting a hand on her hip as she turned to him, her violet eyes sparkling just as brightly as the night sky.

    “I did not,” he argued crossing his arms callously as he glowered down at her.

    She giggled at this, “Yes you did.” She smoothed her yukata down as she looked back at the water with a dignified air. “I remember,” she began, “R-u-k-i-a-chan! I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours~” she mimicked in a sing-song voice.

    Renji pursed his lips as he watched her, focusing more on how pretty she looked in the pale starlight than what she was saying. “A kiss,” he heard himself whisper.

    She looked at him a bit taken aback, “You remembered?”  

    He turned his face from her as he gave a curt nod, watching the number of lights floating out over the water slowly increasing.

    “I never told you mine,” she said as she pulled her knees up to her chest, seemingly a bit embarrassed about it.

    He disregarded her coyness as he grew curious, “What was it?”

    She smiled and looked away, “I wished… that I could be rich and live in a mansion.” There was a pause before she spoke again, “I guess… in a way you gave me that without me even asking you for it, didn’t you, Renji?” Her violet pools found him again, and in them he saw a softness that was rare in the usually guarded eyes.

    The red-head was quiet when a sudden flash of lights lit up the sky as the fireworks show started. Rukia turned her eyes up, dazzled by the sparkles of colorful radiance swirling overhead. She barely took notice of the distorted reflection dancing at her feet.

    “Thanks for bringing me to the festival,” she said, watching the show with starlit eyes. “I miss coming every year like we used to.”

    Renji’s somber eyes watched her diligently, drinking in everything with trembling resolve. She was beautiful. He yearned to touch her, but dared not disturb the contentment that was radiating off her form as she was lost in fireworks. He’d thought he could do it. He’d thought by her being there, just being herself, he would fall back into his natural rhythm of being with her without the need to affect her; but he was wrong. In this moment, his resolve was nothing but a crumbled pile of broken bricks strewn around a frail castle.

    “Kiss me.”