Things Never Spoken: Still Smile for You

Chapter 5
    
    Renji sat listlessly staring out at the rain from the safety of the wooden porch. His mind was a fog of mental exhaustion and sedatives as he rested against a wooden beam. Urahara had told him he must stay calm at all times, or else the Hollow could emerge and things could get messy. He couldn’t think much in this hazy state, but staring at the gentle rain made him feel content for the first time in a long time. He allowed his eyes to drift closed as the soft hum of the rainfall sang to him, a lullaby.

    Up the walk way came a familiar petite girl in a yellow raincoat, with an umbrella above her, guarding her protectively. She climbed the steps and shook off her umbrella after attaining the shelter of the covered porch. As she turned around her eyes widened and she gasped, “Renji…?”

    She set the closed umbrella aside and removed the rain cap, setting in beside her as she squatted in front of the dozing man. She looked at him for a time, curiosity and puzzlement in her eyes. She touched his forehead softly with the back of her fingers, thinking he looked a bit under the weather.

    Crimson eyes flitted open, heavy and dark as they found her perfect face, “Rukia…” came his slightly hoarse voice.
    
    “Baka. What are you doing here, and sleeping on the porch in the rain? You’re going to get sick.” she said giving him a crooked smirk and shaking her head in disapproval.

    He grunted in response, his brain too broken right now to think of anything else.

    “You don’t look too well. Are you hung over?” she asked, but continued before he could answer, “And I thought you were supposed to be covering for Nii-sama while he’s out looking for your assailants. Or has he returned already?”

    The red-head squinted one eye at her as he slowly got to his feet, “Sorry, Rukia. I’m not feeling so hot… Can we talk later?” he muttered as he walked back inside. “I’m gonna lay down.”

    Rukia’s brow crinkled in concern over the very un-Renji sorta behavior. As she was about to follow him back to his room, a hand on her back stopped her from doing so, “Rukia-sama, nice to see you on this fine day.” he said cheerfully, ignoring the fact that it was pouring outside.

    “Ren-” she began, but the shop keeper interrupted her before she could say much.
    
    “Abarai-kun has been here for the past day. I gave him some medicine and it’s made him a bit drowsy, but don‘t worry. He’ll be just fine.” he said with a reassuring smile plastered to his face.

    The petite girl turned her eyes down the hall and bit her lip as if deciding if the man was really telling the truth or not, but she eventually decided not to press it. “Well I came because Ichigo was supposed only be gone for the night and now he still hasn’t been home for two. I have had to take care of two Hollows on my own, and he’s nowhere to be found.”

    Urahara looked up and unfurled his fan, poking it to his chin and vocalizing a profound ‘Hm’ as he seemed perplexed. “Kurosaki-san is-” he began

    “Back” came the familiar voice of the substitute shinigami causing the pair to readily turn to face him.

    “Ah Kurosaki-san! Welcome back!” Urahara chimed.

    Rukia walked up to him stiffly and Ichigo seemed to brace himself as he looked down on her with a deep frown on his lips. “Ass! Where the hell have you been?” she demanded as she gave him a curt punch to the gut.

    “Grk!” he cringed as he held his assaulted area, “Damn it, woman! Gimme a break. I got busy with something!”

    “Hmph” she responded.

    “Rukia-sama,” Urahara drew her attention, “I was wondering if you might be willing to try and get Abarai-san to eat. He hasn’t really been eating too well, you see. I can‘t get him to do any housework if he doesn‘t eat, you know.” The merchant said innocently.

    Rukia’s expression softened and she nodded.

    “There’s soup in the kitchen-- right in there.” he said gesturing with his folding fan as the small girl followed his direction without delay.

    Ichigo looked to the kitchen doorway then back to Urahara, “He’s not eating?”

    The merchant smiled, “Oh, he’s fine. Just wanted to get her out so I could hear what you’ve brought back.”

    The spiky-haired boy frowned then, “It’s not good news. Not at all.” he said gravely “There’s a warrant out for his arrest. They‘re looking for him. ”

    Urahara gave a soft ‘Hn’ as he rubbed his stubble. “And what of Rangiku-san?”

    “She’s the one who reported him.” Ichigo said in a low voice, “She was pretty cut up… but she didn’t seem to be particularly resentful of him… She actually seemed a little sorry for reporting him.”

    The blond man nodded, “I see.” He turned from the boy, “Well. There’s not much we can do, except try to get him stable. Are you ready, Ichigo-kun?”

    ....................    ....................    ....................

    Byakuya stood in front of his devastated office door. His face was blank as he stepped carefully over the broken wood, glancing down at the scattered books and small stains of blood on the floor. Servants worked, diligently cleaning the havoc as the sixth squad captain stood quiet amidst the bustle. An unfolded sheet of paper clung to his fingers and he firmly crushed it as he turned from the mess and left.

    ....................    ....................    ....................
    
    The training was hard, and Ichigo was having quiet a time, but Urahara had stepped in twice so far, when things had gotten out of hand. Without the help from Urahara and his team, honestly, the vice captain wouldn’t have been able to even get this far, and he was thankful for that. Rukia remained blissfully unaware, much to Renji’s relief, however he was concerned as to why she’d not been informed via her phone. The red head had a haunting feeling that someone knew where he was… someone who didn’t want to alarm them.

    All worries concerning his warrant aside, he tried to focus on the vital undertaking that lie before him. Struggling with a self within himself, Renji found his outlook on ever overcoming this alien inside him grew more daunting every day. Ichigo tried to guide and encourage him, but in the end it all came down to the strength of his own heart… a strength, the tattooed man doubted more than he trusted.

    As the men returned to the air-conditioned comfort of the house, they felt relief ease their tired muscles, particularly the red-headed shinigami.

    “This is ridiculous.” Renji grumbled flattening his forehead on the table as he gave a sigh.

    “What” came Ichigo’s confident voice, “ Rome wasn’t built in a day, Renji. You just have to give it time.”

    Renji hit the table with one fist as he shot upright, “It’s been 6 days and I’m not any different than I was on the first night!” he shouted in frustration.

    “You are so! You just don’t notice it yourself,” the orange-haired boy reassured.
    
    Renji scowled sourly as he got to his feet, “I don’t need your pity, asshole!” he shouted as he quickly made to leave the insufferable room.

    “HEY!” Ichigo yelled as he stood from his seat, but Urahara suddenly put a hand on his chest to stop him from following the older man.

    “It’s okay, Ichigo-kun. Let him cool off for a bit,” the shop keeper said calmly. “I’ll give him a small dose to help.”

    The spiky haired boy frowned and diverted his eyes before nodding and sauntering off alone.

    ....................    ....................    ....................

    Renji lay across the futon, his face burred in the blanket as he tried not to fight the drugs in his system. The haze usually kept his mind calm and soothed the ache in his chest, but right now he couldn’t close his eyes. As he turned his head to the side and gazed out at the brightness of the day, he began to think about his situation. The cool breeze eased in through the open door and his hair moved gently in it. He felt a hopelessness settle low in his gut. The voice in his head was quiet, but when he wasn’t drugged he could hear it loud and clear. He could see it in his mind, and feel it in his chest. The hold it had on him seemed to tighten every time he heard it speak. The things it had said today had left him in turmoil. It wanted to overtake all of him and steal what he was to weak to obtain… and the thing he’d pined for the most…

    Finally he closed his eyes and a cushion of nothingness captured his exhausted mind.

    ....................    ....................    ....................

    He awoke to a soft nudge on his shoulder and a gentle, familiar voice saying his name.

    “Renji… Renji, come on. Get up.” Rukia said unusually soft for her normal tone, “I brought you dinner. Sit up and eat.”

    The red head gave a dry moan as he rolled onto his back, propping up on his elbows as his eyes found the small girl’s kneeling form.

    Rukia frowned, “It’s almost 9, you know. You’ve been asleep since I got here.” she said as she put the tray in his lap, “It’s not like you. Something is going on, and I want you to tell me.”
    
    Renji’s eyes glanced at her briefly before they lowered to the food in his lap. He didn’t speak, but instead began to eat the noodles she’d brought. He was pretty hungry after sleeping so long.

    “You’re not going to tell me?” Rukia stated, lowering her brow as she glared at him.
    
    The tattooed shinigami stopped eating  and let his hand fall back to his tray, “It’s nothing to be concerned about.” he said, lying through his teeth, but hoping she wouldn’t press the matter.

    Rukia pursed her lips, “Bullshit.” she said before she ripped the tray out of his lap and set it aside, “If if wasn’t something to be concerned about then you would tell me.”

    Renji frowned and looked away from her. He didn’t want to have this conversation at all.

    “Renji!” She yelled, “Asshole. Why are you being like this?!” She turned her back to him and folded her arms, seething in her frustration.

    The red head felt a twinge of guilt ripple inside his gut, but still he didn’t want her to know anything of his situation. He was afraid. What would she think of him after knowing what he’d done? He couldn’t bare her resentment…

    “I’m worried about you.” she finally said unable to look him in the eye as she admitted it. “Please tell me.” she added softly.
    
    Renji stood and causing the small girl to turn and look as he paced toward the open door. The atmosphere was suffocating and the vice captain wanted nothing more than to get away in that moment. How could he put her through this? “I’m fine… Rukia.” He said, turning to look at her with jaded eyes. ‘I’m not fine, Rukia.’ his mind echoed. “I’m sorry to worry you, but everything will be okay, I promise.” He told her as he forced a smile. He could still smile, if it was for her.

    The dark-haired girl sighed in defeat and lowered her eyes from the crushing blow of his smile. She picked up the abandoned food tray, “Come finish this,” she muttered. He was lying. She knew he was, but the more she pushed the more he withdrew it seemed. Renji had been in her life since she was a tiny girl stealing food on the streets. It didn’t seem there was anything they couldn’t tell each other… She trusted him with secrets she wouldn’t even tell Byakuya or Ichigo… Whatever this was, his behavior had only made her more upset. Why would he lie to her? Had he done something stupid? Was he in trouble and trying to keep her out of it? Why was he here at Urahara’s place when he obviously didn’t have any assignments here? The questions plagued her endlessly as she sat at his side while he ate silently.

    He could feel her eyes burning sores into him as she stared at him with disturbingly dark eyes. They stayed there in the hushed room for many minutes, the air around him seemed heavy and choked by her presence. He finished eating and set the bowl down beside him, his eyes flickering to the floor for a second before they reached forward for anything  that wasn’t her piercing eyes.

    Finally, under the pressure, he pushed away, “Maybe you should go.”

    Rukia drew her brow, seeming to be hurt by his reaction.

    “I want you to go.” he said in a lowered voice.

    The small girl’s expression grew crumpled, angry, and pained, “Bastard.” she said in a grim whisper.

    Renji frowned as he saw her normally placid face so spoiled by him. He leaned in quickly and kissed her flushed cheek, giving her shoulder a gentle rub with his thumb as he drew back again.
    Rukia’s expression grew soft and confused at once as he peered up at him with wide glossy eyes.

    He stared down at her wanting for so much, but expecting so little. He didn’t know what possessed him to do such a thing, but he was glad her face was no longer crinkled. As he felt his chest swirling and heard a cruel voice in his head, he patted her on the side of the arm and grinned faintly, “Don’t… worry about me.”    

    ....................    ....................    ....................
    
    It was late in the morning and Renji had already trained for several hours along side the carrot-top shinigami. Ichigo seemed to have only praise for his effort, but he only saw himself falling harder. As the guys came upstairs to get their lunch, the tattooed man was calm and his Hollow, quiet. Rukia appeared halfway through their meal and seemed pleased to see her friend doing well. She sat between the two sweaty men and proceeded to poke fun at them, and for a short time their spirits were at ease. Renji found himself arguing and laughing along with them. All was forgotten. He was unchained from a sorrow that had flooded his soul so deeply... at least for this brief moment, he could be himself while the Hollow slept.

    Now Rukia began to leave    and Renji felt himself longing for her company before she had even left his sight. As she turned to wave at him and Ichigo from the walkway, the three of them suddenly went rigid, and Urahara and his team abruptly rushed from the store in alarm.

    The small girl turned from the building and her eyes grew wide as she laid eyes on the flowing robe of a white captain’s uniform… “Nii-sama…”

    Renji swallowed hard, his eyes trained on the graceful form of his deadly captain.

    Ichigo’s breathing spiked as he looked back and forth between Renji and Byakuya. The sixth squad captain… he wasn’t here to make nice. Renji was a wanted man, and Byakuya was not a forgiving one… blood would be spilled.

    “Renji” came the calm collected voice of the aristocrat, “You’re under arrest. Come quietly or resist, it makes little difference.”

    Rukia’s jaw nearly hit the floor, “What?! What the hell is going on?!”

    Ichigo stepped in front of the taller red-head, “What the fuck is your problem. You never lift a finger when it’s some criminal that needs to be brought to justice, but when it’s someone close to you, you can’t wait long enough to drag them down!” he said with accusing eyes.

    “Renji!” Rukia yelled as she desperately tried to get a grasp on the situation.

    “This is not either of your concerns. Renji will be trialed fairly just as anyone else.” Byakuya said ignoring the shinigami boy’s comment.

    “If you take him back, he’ll be executed and you know it! This isn’t his fault! Just give him some time to cope! He can do this if you just give him a chance!” Ichigo all but growled out to the captain, adamantly defending the vice-captain at his back.

    Rukia gasped at the orange-haired boy’s sharp words and looked frightened as her eyes shifted to her brother’s stone visage. “Executed…Nii-sama!”

    Byakuya’s eyes drifted down to the woman at his side and he seemed to study her for a moment before his eyes returned to the fore. “Time is out. It’s unfortunate, but I’m doing this because it needs to be done.”

    “The hell you are!” Ichigo screamed as he yanked out his sword and pointed it toward the stoic man, who gave little reaction.

    Urahara observed silently, looking over at the topic of conversation who had remained quiet all this time. Renji was calm. Strangely calm. The shop keeper’s eyes narrowed as he tried to imagine what the man was thinking right at this moment.

    Rukia felt herself shiver as she suddenly clasped her brother’s sleeve, “Please, don’t! You don’t have to do thi-”

    “Enough!” Renji interrupted, pushing Ichigo out from in front of him, “He’s right.”

    Ichigo seemed shocked and offended, “What the hell do you mean, he’s right?!”

    “I mean it’s none of your God-damned business!” Renji snarled back at him. Wide eyes stared at the red head from multiple directions.

    “Come, Renji.” the sixth squad captain commanded, showing little concern over Renji’s behavior.
    
    The read-head’s eyes were somber and listless, “Yes, Taichou…” he said as he avoided Rukia’s  concerned eyes while he passed to follow the dark-haired man.

    ‘Sorry…’