Things Never Spoken: Losing Me

Chapter 3

    It had been almost 2 weeks, and with Rukia at his side, Renji had found the strength to live. He had gotten frequent visits from many of his worried friends, like Matsumoto, Ikkaku, Hinamori, and Kira as well, and with every passing day he grew stronger. He was still sore, but compared to the agony when he first came in, he felt like a million bucks.

    He sat on the side of the bed, feet dangling over the side, as Unohana did her examination. His skin was still marred by the healing scabs, but with continued treatment, the fourth squad captain assured him that most of them would probably not even leave scars.  She seemed to pride herself on her exceptional healing skills, and Renji was thankful that her only interest was making him better… She was a rather frightening woman, especially to a cripple. As the medical captain examined him he didn’t notice Rukia entering the room at his back.

    She remained quietly observing from the doorway, seeming quite amused  at Renji’s seeming embarrassment when the female medic told him to drop his drawers. He grumbled and stood up from the bed, doing as he was told. Unohana felt around, in certain unmentionable places and he turned his head and coughed. When the medic stood up and gave him a brief verbal synopsis, Renji seemed pleased and took his queue to redress himself as Unohana nodded politely to the small girl as she exited.

    Rukia had an thoughtful grin as she watched Renji kick the hospital clothes across the floor and snap up the shinigami uniform he’d been anticipating all week. As he bent to get dressed Rukia saw her golden opportunity and bolted in with a sudden pitter-patter of feet. Renji’s only reaction was to screech in horror as a hard slap flew across his bare ass just before he tripped in the tangle of his hakama and laid eyes on Rukia posed in a victory stance, laughing.  “BWA HA HA!”

    The wide-eyed red-head covered up as he tried to untangle himself, cursing bloody murder, “GAWD DAMN IT, RUKIA! Do you enjoy tormenting the injured?!”

    “Gosh Renji, you need to get a tan on that pasty white ass of yours! Ha ha ha!” She teased  as he righted himself, and held his pants up in front of him.
    
    “Yeah Yeah! Real slick, now get outta here so’s I can get dressed,” he grumbled as he shooed her out with his free hand.
    
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    He was released from the hospital and dressed in a new uniform, and looked pretty sharp. As he walked down a porch heading toward the sixth squad, Rukia at his side, he was feeling better than ever, and the calls and woots coming from the lower recruits only made his pride swell. He glanced down at the small girl at his side and she, in turn, looked up at him, noticing he had lost a bit of weight since the last time she recalled him standing over her.

    “What?” she said seeming annoyed.

    He just smiled down at her and shook his head, “Nothin’ really. Good to be back I suppose.”

    Rukia smiled up at him and looked back to the fore, idly grabbing his sleeve as they walked, as she’d sometimes done when they were children. Before they’d reached the sixth squad office they ran into Byakuya on the porch, and Rukia let go of her friend’s sleeve as she trotted to him with a wide smile, “Nii-sama, looks whose out of bed.”
    
    Renji couldn’t help feeling uneasy as his respected captain’s merciless eyes fell upon him. He smiled briefly before he looked away, scratching his neck awkwardly. “Ah… and I’m looking forward to getting back to work.”

    Byakuya nodded and turned from the two, “You still have a lot of recovering to do, Renji.”
    
    The vice captain winced at the almost scornfully false kindness leaking from his captain voice. He supposed Byakuya was disappointed in him for ending up in such a state. His captain had not visited him even once during his hospital stay, and even though he knew the man didn’t care for him, still it was a blow to the gut, when your own captain won’t at least send you a get-well card.

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    Seeing his home quarters for the first time in a month was bliss in some strange way. He didn’t ever really like the place before, but well, home is home.

    Rukia scoffed as she walked in behind him, “Geeze Renji, didn’t you even clean up before you left, this is gross.”
    
    Renji shrugged and flopped down on the floor, sprawling out on a slightly smelly pillow. “I was at your place before I left, remember?” he muttered as he made a face and sniffed the pillow in accusation.
    
    Rukia frowned, “About that… I’m really sorry I just sorta brushed you off. I mean I-”

    “Don’t worry about it, Rukia. You were working, and I was being a pest. It’s natural, right?” he said, interrupting her before she could finish.

    “Yeah but… It hurt that that was the last conversation I had with you… I don‘t want to ever feel like that again…” she muttered bowing her head in regret.
    
    “Oy,” he said as he sat up from the floor, and got to his feet, “Don’t get all bent outta shape. It all turned out okay in the end, din’t it? I‘m here now.” Renji said as he put a hand on her shoulder, feeling a twang of unnamable feelings swirling in him as he touched her. He brushed it off as butterflies, but that wasn’t exactly it.
    
    Rukia looked up at him, her night-sky eyes slightly sad as they looked into his blood-red ones, “Just… remind me sometimes, Renji,” she spoke softly, “not to become to complacent.”
    
    Renji watched her tender lips as she spoke, and nodded in reply, alternately, growing somewhat concerned over the swirling in is chest… and why her perfect mouth was leading is mind in the gutter.

    “Anyone home?” came a familiar voice and when she turned to see the owner of the masculine voice, Renji lowered his hand from her shoulder, and suddenly he felt normal again. He puzzled for a minute over the oddity of that feeling before he realized Ichigo was in front of him.

    “Ah! Yo!” He said as he smiled his flashy animal grin at the boy, “Been a while, Ichigo” he said slapping his palm down into the boy’s boney hand. They shook, let go and stepped back, while Rukia looked on smiling a little at their reunion.

    “I’d say that’s a pretty nice handshake for a dead man.” the orange-haired shinigami said grinning.

    “Ha, did ya think I’d roll over and die and let ya sneak more peeks of Rukia in her bunny underwear?!” He laughed, but was distracted when Rukia gave a curt ‘WHAT?’

    “Ops she’s right there, ain’t she?” he said scratching his head, as Ichigo began to resemble a sunburned chameleon.

    “Anyways,” the young man started, “Sorry I didn’t come sooner. I just wanted to come say ‘hi.’ You gave us all a good scare, you know.” he said looking at the taller man.
    
    “Yeh. Sorry about that.” Renji said glumly.
    
    “Well I’ve gotta run., just wanted to check on you and see for myself. Urahara wants me to go find this weird Hollow-like reiatsu that’s been bothering him, so… Seeya Renji, Rukia.” he said before he dashed off.

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    In the following week Renji started back on duty and was utterly swamped with paperwork… paperwork Byakuya seemed to be saving for him. It was better than going out and jumping around, when he was still recovering, he supposed. Byakuya had been absent from the office, however, as a team of three captains, Jyuushiro, Byakuya, and Soifon, had been formed to find Renji’s assailants. He kind of wanted to go, but only because he had a craving for revenge. If they found the bastards who’d tortured him, he wanted to be there to beat the living shit out of them… but well that doesn’t sound good trying to explain to your captain... so paperwork it was.

    He sat back from his desk and rolled his neck, giving it a hard rub with one hand, when he noticed Rukia standing near the open door. “Oy! How long ya been standin’ there? Ya coulda said somethin‘,” he remarked as she approached him.

    “Well you looked like you were working hard. I didn’t want to distract you,” she said in a teasing tone.

    “Meh.” he replied as he pushed his chair back from the desk a bit.

    Rukia leaned on the corner of the desk closest to his side, “You hurting any?” she asked.
    
    “Ah, na I’m alright.”
    
    “Hm.” she said as she stood up and walked to his back, where she proceeded to rub his shoulders.
    
    The crimson-haired shinigami was surprised at first. It was unlike Rukia, but he couldn’t deny that it was a nice strangeness. “Ain’t you bein’ nice today… What’re you up to?” he said as chills rippled down his body.
    
    “Nothing much. You looked like you’re neck was bothering you. I thought it might do you good.” she replied, as she worked her fingers into the knots in his firm muscles. She didn’t really know why she was doing this… she admitted to herself that she was perhaps acting a little funny… perhaps she was just assuring herself that he was still there through touch.

    Renji resisted the urge to groan. It was that same feeling again flooding back through him full force. Such an odd prickling feeling churning in his chest... Not necessarily a bad feeling, but foreign just the same. Was Rukia the one causing it? At times she made him feel embarrassingly horny, sure, but that wasn’t it… was it? He really couldn’t focus on anything. Her fingers felt like electricity fueling his inner turmoil, and he suddenly grew very fearful of himself.
    
    He abruptly jumped up out of the seat with an accompanying, “Whoa!” As soon as her fingers left him he felt the feeling diminish and disappear… how strange. “I think That’s good for now. Thanks Rukia.” he said with an awkward smile.
    
    “What?” she said picking up on his uneasiness, “What’s goin’ on with you? You get a hard on or something?” She said glowing at him.

    Renji bristled up like a bird in the snow, “Ha! From you?! You think you‘re all that and a bag of chips, well, I got news!” he barked out.

    Rukia glared at him.

    His mind drew a complete blank as he attempted to come up with a witty comeback, “Y-… you‘re chips are off brand,” He muttered.
    
    She elbowed him in the gut and walked away, “Idiot. I‘m going to Ichigo‘s for the week. So don‘t get into any trouble while I‘m gone.”

    Renji suppressed the frown that threatened him, “Mm. I’ll try. See you when you get back then, Rukia.” The red-head feigned indifference as the girl left his sight. He honestly hated Ichigo sometimes… not because he was unlikable, on the contrary, he quite enjoyed the boy’s company. He hated him because the brat didn’t know how blessed he was that Rukia enjoyed spending time with him as well. It hurt somewhere inside, because he‘d felt like they were actually becoming closer since his incident, but now she was off again and he was again the one left missing her.

    He sighed and told himself she’d be back soon and he was being unreasonable, but he couldn’t help notice small changes in himself as of late. It was almost as if all the suppressed emotions pertaining to her were leaking out from an unseen hole. He’d always loved her… quietly from a distance, but he’d never felt his feelings surging within himself as strongly as they were now. Maybe it was a good thing she was leaving, as she was clearly the source of his torrid core. Perhaps by her return he would have gotten a sufficient amount of time to collect himself.
    
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    As Renji slept, he was not sound. His dreams swam with blackness, sex, and blood, and he restlessly tossed and turned throughout the night. In sleep, however, he was blissfully unaware of the quivering in his chest. Ultimately his eyes shot open from the darkness of his nightmares, only to be met with the blackness of reality. He sat up from the damp futon mattress, his breath seemingly stolen somewhere in his dreams. For a long moment he panted and stared into nothing as his mind slowly caught up to his shock. He finally sighed and mechanically wiped the trickling sweat from his tattooed brow.

    It was no where near morning, but as he sat there in a stupor, all remnants of anything resembling sleep had left him. He threw the covers from himself and got to his feet, deciding a bath would perhaps calm his nerves, if not at least make him feel less sticky from the sheen of sweat.

    The nightmares were getting worse…

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    “Ichigo-Kun” came Urahara’s disgustingly familiar voice, “I’m really worried about this reiatsu. It’s been steadily increasing according to my instruments. Look at the reading from last week compared to the reading from last night.” he said as he handed the boy a paper with recorded data on it.

    “Damn it. I know this! Look. I searched all the areas with readings and I couldn’t find anything weird. I didn’t even feel any kind of strange reiatsu! What else do you want me to do?” The boy protested as he dropped the paper on the table in front of him.

    “I don’t know…Yoruichi-dono is the one giving me the readings from her end, but she has come up empty handed so far. I’m quite worried… this reiatsu is unusual in that it comes and goes rather sporadically. Can you just do another check tonight? It seems to surface more frequently at night.” The shop-keeper asked humbly as he looked down at the orange-headed boy.
    
    Ichigo rolled his eyes, “You’re being awful nice about it. Makes me kinda worried…”

    Rukia walked in with a small bag full of merchandise just purchased from the store‘s front. “Hm, Urahara-san when did you get those new soul candies? I thought they weren’t going to be on the market til late next month.”

    “Ah, Rukia-chan, I got a special deal on them. The only place to buy them, and they’re quite popular already too.” the shady man smiled at the petite woman, flicking his fan open.

    Rukia narrowed her eyes at the  man, as if deciding if he was telling the truth or not, “I see…”

    Urahara laughed charmingly before he set a small device down in front of Ichigo, “Here. Use this tonight, see if you can find anything with it.”
    
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    As the substitute shinigami had prepared to leave for Soul Society, Rukia had fully intended to tag along, even though Ichigo had insisted that she didn’t need to. As the pair was about to venture through the gate, however, Rukia had received an alert to a Hollow in the area. Ichigo went on with his previous plans in Soul Society while the small shinigami girl proceeded to exterminate the Hollow.
    
    Ichigo sighed now as he once again looked at the blank screen on the device Urahara had given him. “Fuck. How did I let him con me into this… again!”
    
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    Renji sat in the sixth squad office, although it was past the usual time he got off. He’d barely slept at all for the past 4 days, and as he stared across the room, lost in thought, he idly began to stroke his chest as the familiar feeling began to churn his insides. He didn’t feel like himself, hadn’t in days… he felt blank like something was stealing parts of him that used to be occupied. He felt Hollow and needy… needing to fill the infectious emptiness that was eating him from the inside.

    “Renji, what are you still doing here?”

    Red eyes slowly turned to the somehow strange voice of his friend, dull and tired as they recognized the form of Matsumoto.

    “I just stopped by to drop this report off. I was going to do it earlier, but I got this new magazine that I had to read. You got a lot of work to finish or what? We can go grab a drink if you’re done.”  the busty woman said as she laid the report file on Byakuya’s desk and turned back to Renji, who was staring quietly at the doorway.

    “Renji? Are you okay? Something wrong?” The voluptuous woman asked slightly concerned.

    “Is Rukia back yet?” came a distant voice, Renji didn’t really recognize.
    “Rukia?” Matsumoto repeated tilting her head in both puzzlement and concern as she edged closer to his desk.
    
    He looked at her, eyes unreadable and wrong, somehow, “Can you keep a secret?” he whispered.

    Matsumoto almost seemed stunned at his question, “Well... not really.” She spoke honestly as she watched him, pondering gravely over his odd state.

    “Something is wrong…” he mumbled as he stared listlessly, “with me…”

    Matsumoto frowned, clearly knowing this much already. She pulled the bandana from his head and felt his forehead with a cool hand.
    
    Renji’s eyes slid closed, eyelids flickering a if he was being jolted with electricity. “DON’T TOUCH ME!” he suddenly screamed as he nearly overturned his desk in a flurry of energy, causing a very concerned Matsumoto to jump back in surprise and shock.

    “Renji…” she said with wide, almost frightened eyes, while clutching a fist to her chest.
    
    The tattooed man’s breath came swiftly as his eyes were now fixated on her, and abruptly he felt as if he was not himself anymore... as if it were someone else in his body while he could only watch. His eyes roamed down over the form of the curvy woman, and he felt his chest prickly like never before as he began to advance on her.
    
    The blond backed into a bookcase before she knew it and Renji was blocking her in with a frighteningly malicious presence. His reiatsu was reigning down around her in such a way that she felt herself trembling. What was going on? This wasn’t the Renji she knew. “S-Stop it.” she whispered as his hands came to rest on either side of her, “Stop it, Renji!”
    
    The fiery-haired shinigami saw her fear, and his lust grew warm in the pit of his stomach. He smiled. “No.”