untitled: Hurt

 

 

"Varun?" The other's own name startled him almost to the point of falling down the stairs. He braced himself against the rail, however, and looked up to see Spector looking down at him. The pale hybrid cocked his head at the other's terrified expression. He had been told to go look for the youth, as his lessons were to begin any moment now.

 

"O-oh!" Varun gasped, shocked from his thoughts. He was pale and wide eyed, as if he had just seen a ghost. Rather ironic with how pale Spector was. "Y-yes? Do you need anything?" He asks carefully, closing his eyes a moment  to calm himself down. He could not let Rowan know he had seen what he had done to Urius. What if Rowan decided to do it to him too? Or worse, get rid of him. There was a war coming, hiding his guilt would be easy.

 

"Your lessons are going to start soon...I was asked to come and get you," Spector replied with a quirk of his brow. He could tell that Varun was rather shaken, offering his hand in order to steady the other. "Are you sure you're alright? You look unwell...."

 

"Just a bout of headache." Varun replied quickly, shaking his head slowly, getting more of a rein over himself. "I'll get over it, really..." He reassures the other man and ran his hand through his hair, brushing the soft, fluffy hair out of his eyes. "Where are the lessons?" He asked, "I'll get going now." Better that than to linger here, his mind still reeling.

 

"They're in the main compound that was just built. It's the low long building. Dovinitas will be teaching you today, since Urius is busy," Spector says as he looks to the other, seeing Varun blink at the name Dovinitas. He has heard it several times before, mumbled as curses under his father's breath or spoken so softly that it could break hearts. Varun is fairly sure that Dovinitas is not a common name among Angels...even so, he can't imagine it being the same person who hurt his father long before he was born.

 

Varun nodded, standing and straightening his clothing. With a glance back down the hall he hurries off to attend his studies. He had to get the image of Urius gasping in pain out of his head. Hopefully drowning himself in knowledge would wipe it away.

 

Meanwhile, Ceata sits in the darkened hallway not too far away, biting his lip as he writhes with pain. It was a pain he wasn't all too unfamiliar with, but today it had a special stab of anguish. Ceata was feeling Urius' emotions too, their rippling sending jolts of terrible, terrible guilt through his body...but why? Ceata knew that his lover was being punished for something, assuming it to be another one of Adonis' excuses to inflict pain, so why should Urius feel this unbearable sorrow for it? Ceata's thoughts were disturbed, however, when Spector and Varun came walking his way. "Oh....Sir Ceata. Are you not feeling well too?"

 

Ceata's fevered eyes flicked toward them and he hissed, scooting down the wall. He bites his lip and spasms again in pain. It took Varun a moment to realize just what was going on and his eyes widened, flesh going cold. Ceata could feel his mate's pain. Gods, no wonder Ceata was always so cautious around Rowan! For every time Urius was beaten, Ceata would feel it too. Far less than what Urius felt, but it was pain all the same.

 

"...Um...Sir Ceata?" Spector asks again, surprised by the hissing. He isn't exactly so affected by his hybrid blood that he might react in that way. He hasn't even gone through his need to mate even after thousands of years because of the strength of his Angelic bloodline. Pure Starc blood is very potent and will likely screw with most common breeds of Shadowshifter.

 

"Don't touch with him Spector, leave him alone." Varun murmured and tugged him away. Trying to subdue him right now would only cause him more distress and Varun was too frightened to do anything but run. Ceata flashed his teeth and squirmed into a dark corner, the only sign he was there was the glowing of his bright eyes. He watched them leave, twitching and trembling with each painful stroke of the whip that landed on Urius' flesh.

 

~ ~ ~

 

 

"G-ghn!!!" Urius grit his teeth as he fell forward, splayed on the cold stone floor. His back was burning and his body hurt immensely, but Rowan would never totally break him. He had come close several times to severely hurting Urius, but it had never been so that he couldn't suffer through days and days of terrible open wounds. The Angel tried to pull himself up, gasping as blood trickled down skin now stained red.

 

"...Urius...why do you keep me alive? I'm losing myself," Adonis whispers as  he places a hand upon the whip. His eyes flicker from red to green, from Adonis to Rowan, before finally Rowan puts down the whip and walks to one end of the room. He leans against a low table where many of the toys are stored. His body is shaking...Such immense pain...If only Ceata could feel what Rowan is feeling - he would no doubt faint from it.

 

"I...I can't do it.......I can't....let you go..." Urius gasps, wiping the blood from his lips weakly as he pushes himself into a sitting position. Every muscle screams with the action. Rowan closes his eyes, having heard that soft answer often, spoken back to him with different degrees of pain in the tone. All sorrowful...all apologetic....Anger fills Rowan as he holds himself steady, knowing there is so much red in his eyes now that it is hardly green any more. Keeping Adonis at bay - it's almost impossible when he feels this much betrayal.

 

".......You're selfish. You've always been selfish. Even now, you deny me this one thing - my dying wish. You know Adonis won't let anyone else take my life...and still, you refuse me..." Rowan grits his teeth, aching inside. As he slowly loses his fragmented sanity, he aches with this feeling of twisted anger and sadness.

 

"I'm sorry, Rowan......I'm sorry."

 

 

~ ~ ~

 

 

Varun makes his way to the long low building that houses many of Rowan's staff. It is just newly constructed, the paint barely dry and the mortar still white with newness. Its halls give Varun a sense of calm, for he is surrounded by the kind and gentle souls he can remember back at Rowan's castle. At least here he can hide himself away from those dreadful realizations in the dungeons. Here he can be at peace...perhaps he will even see Alpheus.

 

Varun hurried to his class, still shaking slightly. After what he had seen, delving into knowledge would make the situation less real. He bit his lip, glancing around as he found the room and hurried into it. This was a welcome distraction. Varun had never felt so frightened and betrayed in all his life.

 

The room he walked into was bare. The walls were white washed with very little decoration. A wooden desk sat at one end and a low table at the other with a few chairs. There was an open door to another room there as well. As Varun stepped into the foreign room still smelling of fresh construction, he looked up to see a handsome man walking through the door. Varun was struck by the Angel's beauty, for it reminded him of Alpheus. This man's hair was cut short,  an icy blond. Eyes like sharp points of blue looked up with surprise as Varun's instructor walked in with a vase of flowers in his hands.

 

Upon noting it to be Varun, he smiled gently and placed the flowers on the low table. "Good morning, Lord Varun...I am Endymion Dovinitas Valen, but you may call me Dovinitas. I hope we will have a good lesson today."

 

Varun nodded slowly, almost shyly. He knew that name... so this was the man? He couldn't help being glad he had broken father's heart or he and his siblings would not be around right now, cruel as that thought was. "Hello, sir, it is good to meet you." Varun replied with a faint smile. "What am I learning about today?"

 

Endymion smiled handsomely upon the other as he pulled out a chair and wiated for Varun to sit. "Today we will be learning about some of the history of Tenshihana...Most of it, you need not memorize. However, I suggest you think about making a mental not. If you need to, use your abyssian in order to formally organize your memories," Dovinitas says as he goes to a small kitchenette in the far corner where he begins to make some tea for them. 

 

Varun nodded and settled himself in for his lesson. This was a small, familiar comfort. He must gather himself as soon as possible. He had to relax or Rowan would know what he had seen. The last thing he wanted was to alert Rowan to his 'spying'. The fear lingered, a sickening feeling in the bottom of his stomach.

 

Dovinitas smiled as he set out the tea for the young man, it being apple cinnamon. He then sat down with his long white robes around him. Varun immediately recognized them as robes similar to the ones that Alpheus wore, though he did not understand their significance.

 

Frowning slightly, Varun asked. "What do those robes mean, if I'm not being too rude in asking?" He questioned, chewing his bottom lip thoughtfully. "Alpheus wears robes like that and I've not really had the chance to ask him..." More like asking Alpheus anything was an never ending amount of difficulty. Getting anything out of him was difficult.

 

"Oh, these?" Donvinitas asks, looking down at the white and gold robes with a gentle smile. "These are the robes of a deacon," he replies simply. By Varun's confused look, Dovinitas can only smile as he continues further. "It means I am a fighting monk, so to speak. I use charms, potions, and spells to act as defense in an army position. I can also use those same charms, potions, and spells to heal. Though deacons are not considered especially powerful alone, together as a unit we are an indispensable part of an army."

 

"Ahhh... I see." Varun replied simply, though the idea that Alpheus was going to be involved in this war left a sore feeling in his gut. He was happy that any of his companions  were going to be involved in the war, but he couldn't do anything to stop them. They had their duties and he had his own. Varun smiles slightly and glances down at his hands. "Thank you."

 

"I know your feelings for Alpheus...and you need not worry. He works in an entirely defense-motivated capacity. Most of the time, he just makes healing potions," Dovinitas chuckles then, sipping his tea. "After all, could you really imagine him trying to fight? His heart is too gentle for something like that." 

 

"Well, he did stab me once, so possibly." He replies bluntly, a small wry smile finding its way to his lips. He chuckles and shakes his head. Truly though, he cannot see Alpheus in battle. The angel is not the sort. "He can be very stubborn, but I can't really see him actually trying to kill anyone."

 

Dovinitas nods as he considers the idea. "Alpheus is my nephew...His mother was my sister," Dovinitas adds, causing Varun to blink. If that was the case, it would mean that Alpheus' mother, Dovinitas' sister, was the one that died horribly at the hands of Shadowshifter-hunters. Still, it begs the question as to why Dovinitas didn't take Alpheus in...but, then again, if he had, Alpheus would never have met Varun. Perhaps there is no reason to complain.

 

"Oh." He replies in surprise.  He had wondered often why Alpheus was not living with his closest family members, but he had never pried. There was no reason to ask now. Alpehus was grown and it wasn't going to make any difference. "He is a very wonderful young man." Varun mused softly, heat rising to his pale cheeks. "Once you start getting past his hard outer shell."

 

"Perhaps the same could be said of many Angels. You are well aware of the Starcs, aren't you?" Dovinitas asks, foregoing their lessons for the moment simply to sit and chat with the young Shadowshifter. After all, Dovinitas knows very well whose son this is...His heart aches at the sight of Varun, knowing that his and Rughal's boy would be at least sixteen years older. Donovan is their child...even though Edmund has his body. Still, with such a fragmented soul and a loss of memory, it's as if Dovinitas never birthed a child for Rughal....well...except for one other.

 

Varun nodded, his mind going back to what he had seen before swiftly shutting off the memory. "Yes... everyone has layers that they hid under, don't they?" He thinks aloud, chewing his lip. Varun is often a very serious young man. Anyone can see that. He treats everything he does with some meassure of respect and thought. At least when he can. "It's very intriguing really."

 

"Yes...Everyone has something they hide...and something that hurts them. Sorrow is universal, is it not? It touches Gods, Immortals, and Mortals alike..." Dovinitas says softly, flashing a very sad smile. "The greatest happiness you have ever known can often be the source of your greatest sadness. I'm sure...you've realized this first hand, no?"

 

The young man frowns slightly, glancing down at his hands. There is always something that can go wrong, even happiness. With the slightest of smiles he glances up, meeting his teacher's eyes. "Yes.... perhaps we should forget such things and get to the lesson, yes?" The young man replies thoughtfully. "There is no reason to pick at old wounds."

 

"Oh, of course..." Dovinitas says, blushing faintly in shame. "Forgive me for lingering any longer. I do not wish to bore you with any of my troubles." Dovinitas then turns to the small book he brought with him and places it on the table. He opens it up and looks to Varun with a gentle smile. "First, which era of history do you find would be most interesting to start with? Tenshihana history is vast, but it can be broken up in to various different eras...There is the beginning era...the Valen era...and then the current era. I am here to give you a general synopsis of each."

 

"Hmmn... The Valen era interests me most currently." He decides, tapping his chin. "I know a few Valens', so I think it wound be benficial to learn more about them, correct?" Varun smiles, perking up as the lesson begins. It is after all, one of his favorite things. Learning.

 

 

As Varun busies himself with working hard to understand the culture he has been welcomed into, Adonis has at last overcome Rowan's better sensibilities and has beaten Urius to unconsciousness. He wipes the blood splatter from his beautiful face, his eyes as dark as its scarlet stain. He smiles softly as he picks the other up, knowing he'll have to leave him somewhere for Ceata to find. After all, it would be a terrible thing if he bled out. "Greed.....get in here."

 

Absinthe shivered faintly, rubbing his arms as he walked down the hall. He felt something familiar, something close that he knew very, very intimately. "Oh gods... not him." Absinthe breathes and bites his lip. Not here. Mated against his better judgement, Absinthe can feel when it is him and no longer Rowan. There is a very distinct difference, subtle in ways but overpowering in others. That this man is loose in the castle has him on edge. This is where Absinthe has begun living while Death trains him. This was his safe spot.

 

Absinthe found himself creeping ever closer towards the dungeons, peeking down. The heady scent of blood and other questionable liquids hits him hard. A shiver runs down the youth's spine when he hears Adonis' commanding voice calling to someone. Only then does he feel another presence...something slick and dark, like a slimy creature appearing from the stone mason....

 

"What is it...Master?" Liam slurs, his mouth having lost much of its functions after the great blast that killed many of his creations as well as the original Sahena. He is now a scarred and disfigured creature, his blue eyes glowing coldly. His name is not Liam, however...it is Greed, for he is the most avarice of Gods to ever live. He slips into men's hearts and corrupts them, making them want fame, fortune....and, especially, immortality. Liam has always worked for Adonis...CRISIS was Adonis' idea.

 

"Take Urius to the outer hall and leave him there. If you are seen, I will add more scars to your already putrid flesh...Now go." His servant nods and slumps forward, gathering Urius in his disfigured arms. He is no longer the tall and graceful doctor from before. Because of his greed, he is now a monster...and, always, Adonis' puppet.

 

Absinthe slunk into the shadows and hid himself, listening to them in silence. His beautiful opal eyes close tight, the shadows his safety net. Among them he appears as nothing more then part of the shadows that he hid in.  Greed...? Who was this creature he spoke of? The sound of his voice is enough to make Absinthe want to coil away disgust. He shivered, licking his lick nervously. Just what was going on here?

 

As Greed nodded and put the other's bleeding hulking form over his warped shoulder, Adonis set to cleaning himself up. His pale skin was covered in blood and a nearby washing basin afforded him a chance to clean it. Greed, meanwhile, disappeared through the vast blackness from whence he came...but not before warning Adonis that there was someone nearby.

 

"I know....he belongs to me. You needn't worry about him. His uses are limited," Adonis replies to Greed's warning, running a wet cloth over his skin. Greed nods and smirks at the other's words, knowing just what his master means. He then slips through the shadows to place Urius in a place where he will be found and can get medical attention. 

 

Absinthe heard them and flushed in shame. Those are words he loath, they cut deep and make him feel like hanging his head in shame. He remained hidden for a while, not wanting to be seen by the cruel man. Why had he come down here in the first place? Had he become so careless?

 

It wasn't long before that melodious voice floated through the darkness, reaching the young Demi-God's ears with such a foreboding sort of loveliness - a quality of beauty to the sound that made Absinthe feel as though he should be careful. "I know you're out there, my little God-Whore....hiding does no good with me."

 

Absinthe flushed, slowly slipping out of the shadows to peek into the room through the open door. His pale eyes glowed in the darkness, gazing at the hauntingly beautiful face of the man he had come to call master. There was no use pretending not to hear him. For a moment he can overlook the splatters of blood and the overwhelming scent of copper wafting out towards him, his eyes caught by the bold red of his master.

 

"Eavesdropping is a woman's sport....Are you that dickless that you need to resort to it?" Adonis asks coldly as he continues to wash himself off. Absinthe's nose curls from the scent of blood in the room, looking around to see where it has been splattered against the walls. A bloody whip lay not too far off...The scent of Urius' pain is everywhere. It leaves its mark quite cleanly.

 

"I was not eavesdropping...." Absinthe replied bitterly. "I came down here because I.... felt you." He flushes in shame and lowers his gaze to the bloodied floor. He felt pitiful and in that moment he was. Should never have come down here in the first place. "I did not want to be seen by that... thing." He shuddered, his muscles bunch in disgust.

 

"That thing belongs to me, just as you do..." Adonis turns, smirking at the other with those cold crimson eyes. "Without him, I likely wouldn't be here."

 

Absinthe frowned and eyed the man in confusion. "What do you mean, Adonis?" The godling asks cautiously, not sure if asking questions is a good idea, but unwilling to make himself feel any more pitiful. Not with Adonis watching him.  Those cold red eyes made his body burn deliciously.

 

Adonis chuckles. "You are not entitled to that information...however, I will tell you it has something to do with the fact I have no heart," Adonis replies as he turns and walks over to the other, stopping before him. Absinthe can see all that pale luscious skin exposed where Adonis' shirt hangs open. It would be easy to slip a hand in there and caress smooth muscle. 

 

Absinthe was sorely tempted, but he did not touch. He remains silent; waiting to see what Adonis would do. He's learned not to touch after many a cuff upside the head for his insolence Absinthe was still slightly cowed from his last run inwith this man.. Why was it that when Adonis was in control of Rowan's body, it was as if he grew ten times bigger then Absinthe? He felt so small.

 

"Though it's good you came when you did...I have wanted to see you." The other's tone makes Absinthe's heart flutter and his words make the poor youth dizzy. Wanted him? Adonis wanted him? As in needed him? As in wishes to be with him? The very idea had the poor hybrid in a tizzy as he saw Adonis looking him over with a vicious smirk. "I have a proposition for you...something I think will interest you."

 

"W-what?" He blurts, eyes wide. He is unable to hide the excitement that bubbles in his breast. Adonis actually wanted to speak with him? The most he ever really got was thrown down and beaten, or thrown down and used. The most talk that happened was humiliating and often left Absinthe wanting to do nothing more than curl in a ball while he weeped. The tall young man looked so excited that it must have pleased Adonis to know he was going to shatter his delight.

 

"You want my heart, do you not? That thing so intangible, hinted to and yet never experienced.......I can give it to you." Adonis' smile turned into a cruel grin. "For a price, of course."

 

"Wha... what price?" He asked sharply, the hope in his eyes bright. It was tragic how much Absinthe wanted him, the need to actually have Adonis caressing him lovingly, tenderly was too much for the young man. He wanted to be loved, to be treated like something precious. Especially by this man that had ensnared him so.

 

"I need you to kill a man for me and take some of his possessions, since this body will not allow me to do anything against him," Adonis replies as he looks down at his hand, grasping gently. His control is waning at the very mention of this proposition as Rowan tries to rise up and take control again. He will not allow Adonis to harm the one person he loves, the one person he cares for. Even so, Adonis is too strong now. He will not give up. "If you do, I will show you the key to my heart. I will give it to you in its physical form - the very essence of all my feeling - so that you may control all that I am. This I will give to you if you do exactly what I say."

 

"What is it you want me to do?" He asks nervously. Absinthe has every right to worry. This is Adonis after all. e wasn't even sure if he should be having this consersation or if agreeing to this was a good idea to begin with. To kill someone for Adonis; did he actually have it in him to do it?

 

"To kill Urius," Adonis replies with such a simplicity that it sounds like he's talking about going out to buy groceries. He brushes his hair over his shoulder, the mass rippling down his back beautifully. "To kill him and take from him the locket he wears always, the journal he keeps with him, and something called an abyssian...I believe that is hidden somewhere. It will be much harder to find."

 

Absinthe went pale as the underbelly of a fish. Why did he have to ask such a thing of him? Absinthe did not hate the Starc, though he did not know him well enough to truly say he liked him. This was Ceata's mate they were talking about. Ceata, who was family. His nephew. But.... but gods, he wanted Adonis so bad his heart ached. Hands clenched at his sides, Absinthe considered running. He could not move. "What... is the deadline.... master?"

 

"Before the next Parliament meeting, which will be in exactly one month...If you can do what I ask of you before then, I will give you my heart." He looks up at Absinthe, reaching out and offering the other man a gentle caress so addictive that it has Absinthe shivering. "And, understand, this does not just mean that I will love you....If you can kill Urius before that time, you will OWN me. I, the God of Torment, will be your slave. Only one other has ever known that joy...and never did he own me in the way you will." Such a tantalizing offer...the very weight of the idea left Absinthe dizzy as Adonis let go of him and walked to the door. "One month. No more. No less." 

 

Absinthe almost fell to his knees and begged this monster to touch him more, to fuck him raw against the wall, hurt him, anything but that lingering touch taken away too soon. He nods mutely, lashes lowered over pale eyes submissively. He is not sure if he could control himself if he met the others eyes once more. What was he doing? He was such a fool...

 

Adonis smirked as he saw the other struggling with his feelings, knowing that this proposition would be far more tormenting than any gentle caress could be. Absinthe could not fight to urge to want to control Adonis, to gain back some of the pride he had lost. Still, Adonis knew that Absinthe would not be able to do it...he merely needed Urius to be stalled for a while until he could get his plan to work.

 

Absinthe bit his lip. "Why.... do you torment me so?" He asked hoarsely, his heart pounding and aching. It was not fair, what the other was doing was not fair whatsoever! Absinthe knew he was toying with him, knew he would be utterly tortured at the prospect of being able to own Adonis in a way he had never been able to. It was just not fair! Not one bit! What had he done to deserve this?

 

"You forget, Godling......I AM Torment," came the voice that echoed from down the hall as Adonis disappeared into the shadows. The words rung in Absinthe's ears as he felt  self-loathing rise in his throat. Though he longed for Adonis, though he ached with such a pain he had never known, he could do not but fall victim to his words. They stabbed like knives, like the sharpest and most acute pain. He was torment...so why did Absinthe love him so much? It was a strange twisted web of emotions that had been weaved. Soon, Absinthe would lose himself to it.

 

Shivering, the young man stood there for the longest time until finally the scent of blood became too much and he slipped from the room, rubbing his arm with a twinge of fear. What if... what if he did become so desperate as to kill Urius for this desire? He would be outcast from his family, Ceata would hate him forever and would never look upon him ever again. He would be a traitor and a murderer. Tears burn at his eyes and Absinthe cursed ever meeting Rowan-Adonis.

 

~ ~ ~

 

It is the gloom of one of Lord Death's extra studies that welcomes Urius now. As his own little office is being built in the compound just outside Death's walls, he is to remain here in the dankness until he can find suitable place for all his files and papers. He has not left this room in God only knows how long, having taken his meals sporadically and spent much of his time staring at parchment by dim candlelight. It is a wonder he is not blind and dead by now.

 

Ceata had located his offices a few days ago after countless searches throughout the castle. Somehow, even being in the castle, Urius had kept out of his grasp. Ceata's rage and frustration had grown and grown and grown until that evening he was seething. The young man stalked toward the room, eyes narrowed in anger and with a slam, he threw the door open, startling Urius. He has never felt such blind rage before in his life. "We..." He grinds between clenched teeth. "Need to talk."

 

"If you wish to speak with me, perhaps you might try a formal appointment instead of busting through my door unannounced," Urius returns with a startled gaze. He certainly wasn't expecting someone to just bang his door open and rattle both book shelf and his desk. He frowns at the sight of Ceata, only serving to irk the youth more. This fight of theirs is escalating badly.

 

Ceata's lip twitched. "Your mate does not need to make an appointment, Urius." He snaps in retaliation. "You've avoided me for too long. I know you, you'd have just ignored my request. I'm tired of being placed last on your schedule. There is a thing called love Urius! Have you forgotten!?" Ceata is in a terrible mood, hurt by Urius avoiding him and by the man's lack of communication.

 

"Perhaps you haven't noticed the sorry state of affairs we're in...or did you forget that I have more duties than to your cock," Urius snaps back sharply, not in the mood to be civil right then. He stands up and looks a bit weak. Ceata can see so easily the cuts and bloody bruises. Urius was found not too long ago by Jinevae and rushed to get medical attention. It's been at least three days since then and Ceata has FINALLY tracked the bastard down. Part of this is angry, the other part is worried.

 

The others words made Ceata twitch; the last thing that had been on his mind was sex recently. Cuddling, yes, kisses, yes, any sort of attention he had to offer Ceata would have eaten up. It did not feel right going so long without seeing him, without knowing he felt anything for him. His eyes stung with tears, hurt by Urius' words. "You love work more then me, don't you?" He asked in a hiss. "You love working for Rowan."

 

Urius gave him a very firm look. "If you're going to start something like this, please leave. I have more here on my plate than Death himself and it will not get done without me." That very answer sent Ceata to snarling, unbelieving that Urius could be this callous. Then again, Urius had been trying to purposefully keep Ceata away from him. He hoped in his insane delirium of pain, sadness, and sheer self-loathing that he would be able to drive the young man off. Urius didn't wish to get Ceata any more mixed up in his problems than he already was.

 

The young male slapped him. Slapped him hard enough to send him toppling to the floor, where he stood over Urius and snarled, tears stinging his eyes. He hadn't planned to. Somehow it had just happened.  Moved by anger and pain. "How dare you, Urius? How can you possibly turn into such a callous, loathsome bastard? You let that man whip you and beat you and the moment I come looking for something so simple as a kiss you disappear. How can you do this to me? I thought you loved me?" His voice breaks, the pale man trembling in the doorway.

 

Urius falls back hard against the floor, sitting there with a dazed expression on his face as his cheek throbs painfully. A bruise begins to form to one side of his mouth, swelling up and turning a faint red color where Ceata's hand impacted. How dizzy he feels, sitting there with a hand to his cheek. Of all the violence he was expecting, this certainly wasn't going to be it. Still, he allows himself to regain composure before he tries to pull himself up. "....Hitting me....how like Adonis that is."

 

Ceata looked stricken for a moment before  mismatched eyes narrowed. "That was nothing compared to how much your actions hurt me." He replied bitterly. "A bruise heals faster then what you're doing to me. Are you trying to make me hate you?" Ceata demands and saw the look of guilt in Urius eyes, only a very brief flash of it. "I knew it! Trying to drive me away."

 

"If this is all you came here to yell at me about, perhaps you should find a better use of your time..." he says as he gets up and brushes himself off. He's a great actor, that Urius. He has the ability to have such a stern face no matter what he does. His eyes are cold and unfeeling, his very being seeming to hold no emotion. However, his eyes do not lie. Pain and exhaustion make him weak to that. It is perhaps the only chink in his armor. 

 

Ceata grabbed him by the front of his shirt, holding so tightly that his knuckles went bone white and his nails bit into his palms even through the shirt. His face twisted in anger and anguish. The shadowshifter shook Urius viciously, tears brimming in his eyes. Teeth gritted so hard that his head throbbed with pain to fight off the urge to scream. "Why are you doing this Urius!? Why the fuck have you become such a callous bastard!?"

 

Urius was shaken like a rag doll, his legs not having much strength to them. He easily slipped and fell down, the tight hands upon his shirt almost choking him. Ceata let him go if only to let him breathe, the other coughing as he pressed himself to the wall to keep steady. He rubbed his neck, glaring at Ceata. He wouldn't give in...not so long as there was Ceata's life and happiness to consider, he wouldn't let the other get close to him again. Gods, is he a fool...."This violence is unappreciated..." he rasps. 

 

"And your callousness is driving me insane Urius!" He snarled, choking on tears. Finally he collapsed to the floor in a huddled ball. "You've not even looked my way in weeks! I'm worrying over you and all you do is ignore me and pretend I'm not even there and I hate it! I hate it and it makes me want to hurt you so very, very bad! Anything just to know you're looking at me!" The young man sobs into his hands.

 

Urius looks away from the collapsed Ceata, staring towards some of the bookshelves. He hates to see his beloved like this, and yet he knows no other way to possibly save Ceata from a terrible fate...It breaks his heart to see him sobbing from his actions...Yet Urius, dense as he is, cannot think of another way to express to Ceata their need to be apart. If only the man were more direct! His secrecy is going to lead Ceata to a very painful end if he doesn't stop soon.

 

Ceata cries himself dry for a time, till he finally shuffled up onto his feet. With sudden snarl, he'd Urius pinned to the wall, wrapped in shadows. It was so fast Urius had little time to react, shrouded in warmth. He swayed, eyes red and puffy from his sobbing. His lips were a thin, vicious line across his face, no longer the soft, luscious mouth that Urius had kissed so often. "You leave me no choice Urius."

What did Ceata have in store for him?

 

Urius' eyes widen as he cried out and tried to pull away, pressed so hard against the wall that he could feel the stone imprinting into his back. He struggled though, but had no energy to fight off one as powerful as Ceata. Even when he was in full health, such a feat was difficult at best. Now he was captured in the other's grasp, unable to fight whatever he would do next. "Ceata, this is madness! Let me go at once!!"

 

Ceata did not reply. The young shadowshifter came up to him and silenced him with his mouth, his shadows sucking Ceata into the little cocoon before both of them disappeared into the wall. Ceata moved them to Urius room and shoved Urius down on the bed, tying him to it before Urius could truly fight and sit gingerly on his belly. The man was silent, just staring down at Urius with a strange emotion in his eyes.

 

"What are you doing?!" he growled, though his voice trembled with fear. This was not the first time he had ended up in this position underneath Ceata, yet this was the first time he was underneath such an enraged Shadowshifter...He feared the consequences of his actions, at last wondering if his words were the best choice. Still, he had little time to think when Ceata leaned forward with that coldness in his gaze.

 

The shadowshifter ripped his shirt roughly, running a cool hand up his chest with that same emotion in his eye. This was all his and Rowan had marred it even more, he could feel the slightly healed wounds twinge on Urius and in turn, they twinge in his flesh as well. He sneers, stripping out of his clothing with a cold, calculated look on his face. This feeling is so strange. He feels cold inside.

 

 

Ceata, this is enough -!!" Urius roared, trying to give the other his most commanding voice as he fought the heavy bonds on wrists and ankles. They hurt, covering over wounds he had only just received days before. Ceata felt the pain and growled, stilling Urius by holding the other down and pressing into his skin painfully. Urius stopped struggling, hissing when Ceata found a particularly painful wound. 

 

Urius must have found it strange that when Ceata did that, the shadowshifter's eyes glazed over with the same agony of his lover, if not as intense. It was something he was not privy to. He growled softly, claws digging slightly into the others flesh before he tugged open Urius' pants and began to touch him. Ceata had gone too long without the feel of the other man. Each of his lovers had a different feel to them and Ceata missed Urius' desperately. If Urius was keen on dismissing him, Ceata wouldn't allow him to forget. "No, it's not enough."

 

"Ceata, STOP!" he demands, but his voice is far too hoarse. Ceata knows just how to please him and soon he's flustered, panting faintly as his chest heaves...Gods, why is this such hell? Why is this such torture? Every stroke is like blissful heaven and yet Urius knows it brings him closer and closer to oblivion. 

 

Ceata was silent as he brought the other man to full hardness. The length was hot and silken against his fingers and painfully hard. It would seem that Urius had not even taken the time to relax with a good stroke. He snorted in disgust, rubbing himself back against the shaft slowly, keeping the other twitching and trembling, hanging on a breath for him.

 

"...Y-you bastard..." Urius gasps, his voice so thin with desire that he barely makes a sound. His body shivers and reacts to Ceata's every touch - even if Urius will not admit his feelings, his body will not lie. Ceata is surprised to know that every inch of him is not yet scarred. That perfect member is still smooth against his rounded buttocks. At least this part of Urius remains unscathed.

 

That pleases him and yet.... makes him want to mark it himself in claim. Urius has been covered with scars and most of them belong to Adonis. There is nothing of his here. That... that angers him greatly. Ceata makes a small growling noise deep in his throat, rolling his hips slowly back against the other man's shaft. "I know you want it Urius." He replied flatly.

 

"I do not!! This is a-a matter entirely of your own fabrication! I don't want any of this!" Urius replies with as much of a snarl as he can muster, straining against his bonds as his cock is tormented by the other's delightful ass. Urius is in pain in so many ways that he's gone numb. All he can feel is this burning rage, this helplessness...He can't control anything, can he? Adonis, Ceata...his very life has been based off the wills of others. It makes him so angry as he lays there, gasping and shivering.

 

Ceata did not respond, merely picked himself up, placed Urius at his entrance and forced himself down dry. He winced, quivering in pain as flesh tore and blood leaked slowly down his thigh to drip onto Urius' flesh. The pain was welcome right then, anything to make him feel less rage.  The shadowshifter hung his head and went still for a few moments, focusing on the sensation of the other filling him as he had so many times before.

 

"C-ceata..." Urius gasped, feeling the hot wet blood trickling down over his delicate spheres. His heart felt like it was tearing, his eyes wanting to water and yet he refused to let tears fall. All of him raged with such unyielding pain...and Ceata could feel it all. The anger, the sadness, and the overwhelming guilt...His lover was a complex man filled with all sorts of complex emotions. And it was all that BASTARD Adonis' fault...

 

Still silent, the young male slid his upper body down and hid his face against Urius' neck, grasping him closely before he began to move his hips slowly, working himself open, the tightness of his body around Urius sucking hotly at the flesh. Bright eyes were closed tightly, teeth nibbling at his lower lip. Relishing the heat rising off the man's body and the feeling of him in his arms.

 

"...C-Ceata...!" Urius croaked, his whole body trembling as he was taken in this way...for, surely, he had no control here. It was Ceata who owned him, it was Adonis who tormented him, and it was Rowan...who he had betrayed. None of it seemed of his own accord, yet his foolish actions led him to these situations every time. He was so sick of it and yet...it was the only way he knew how to live. "Please....stop it..."

 

"No...." Ceata's voice was small and weak, muffled against his neck as he moved on the other, working himself down stubbornly. He hated doing this, hated it and loved it and hated himself in turn for forcing Urius. But he already had the feeling that after this, things would take a turn for the worse and if he did not have this one last time, he would surely ache forever.

 

"A-ah -! Ah!" Urius gasped, feeling Ceata beginning to pick up the pace. His body caressed him in such a way that it made his skin burn. He felt so heated, so alive! There was no feeling to compare to this sensation of being inside the person he loved...and yet the pain was overwhelming. He didn't let the tears fall, but his eyes began to glisten with un-spilled sorrow. His body strained weakly and then, at last, gave up.

 

Ceata in turn wrapped his arms possessively around Urius, whispering softly against his flesh. "Mine... mineminemine..." It was broken by tiny whimpers and gasps, feeling Urius sink in deeply, the thick head bumping his prostate and forcing lights to dance behind his closed lids. Pain and pleasure mixed, but did nothing to ease the ache in his breast.

 

"Ahn! Ahn! ...H-hah-ah! Ahn! C-ea....Ah!" he gasped, his body betraying him as his hips rose to meet every thrust downward, his eyes clouded over with the need to feel more. He was losing himself to Ceata's body, knowing that he couldn't beat that tight warmth in the first place. It wasn't so much the power of sex that overwhelmed him...but the nearness...the warmth, the scent he had not experienced in so long. It made him shiver all over and he tugged at the bonds, angry that he couldn't do something.

 

Feeling the other tugging so impatiently at the cuffs, Ceata reached up and tugged one of them loose lazily. He was completely lost, unable to do anything except grind down and cling to Urius like a limpet, refusing to let go as he renewed his bond with the other male. Simply felt him once more. Soaking in that heat and scent.

 

Urius quickly reached down and grasped to the other, holding him close as tightly as he could manage. Ceata reveled in the feeling of the other willingly using his hand to ram him down, trying to hit so hard against his prostate that he might cum just then and there. Urius was a good lover, he made Ceata feel amazing...It was the circumstances that drove him to be such an asshole, Ceata realizes, but he can't help but feel that he's losing his lover to that man name Rowan...a man, who in all honesty, is just a flicker of a memory. 

 

The pale young man cries out hoarsely, the sound muffled against Urius' lightly sweat slicked skin. His ass tightened about him, feeling the large hand on his backside forcing him down harder and harder onto his dick, leaving the younger male crying sweetly for him. Gods... he did not want it to end. Didn't want to ever seperate from him again.

 

"I-I can't....I can't hold...on anymore..." he pants as he rises up against the other and continues to cling to him. His body is so weak; he hasn't had sex in so long. Normally, he would be absolutely ashamed at the idea of cumming so quickly, and yet he can't stop himself from being weak to Ceata's attentions. His body shivers and convulses, muscles tensing, body heating up like a cannon ready to fire. He reaches in front of the other, trying to pump Ceata in a desperate attempt to bring the other man pleasure too.

 

Ceata weakly tapped into his lover's mind, connecting with his pleasure and in the next few minutes the both of them were arching and crying out in bliss as they shared it, feeling the whole world shatter and fall down like glass. Ceata whimpered, clinging to Urius so tightly he was afraid he might be cutting off his air. But it didn't matter, he had him, at least for now. All his.

 

Urius pants as he lays there in a cloud of dazed pleasure. His eyes are almost glassy with his unshed tears and his desire bubbling up to show on his face. How beautiful he is....How beautiful his Ceata is. Urius can't get that idea out of his head, feeling an ache unlike any other in knowing he is addicted to the lithe white beauty atop him. They lay there for a long time, Urius heartbroken and lonely even though the other is there, right beside him. 

 

Ceata held to him tightly, nuzzling against the Starc's chest. His whole body shivered faintly from the after effects of their lovemaking, for that was exactly what it had been after Urius had warmed up to it. The pace of it had been desperate and even then, Ceata was shaking in what could only be called cold blooded fear. Urius could leave him and he would never see him again. Drift away completely. The very thought hurt intensely.

 

Urius finally became sane again after the afterglow had worn off. He looked up at the other, his eyes unclouded with desire. Both of them were hurting, yet they didn't say a word. Ceata didn't want to let Urius go and yet he knew keeping him there would be impossible....In so many ways, Rowan had won. He had Urius' loyalty even before he ever fell in love with Ceata. Gods, if only they had met first somehow! If only they could have loved before Rowan ever came to be...that bastard...this was all his fault. 

 

Ceata could not bear to look into the eyes of the older man, remaining eerily silent. His sweat slicked skin glowed in the faint light from the bedside lap, but for the most part the  room was dark, closing in on the pair laying still on the bed. "I'm sorry Urius...." He uttered hoarsely. The young man looks away guiltily, afraid to face his lover.

 

"....It is I, who should be sorry," Urius said at last, there a finite edge to his voice. He tried to sit up then, going to undo the rest of his bonds with a look of pain on his face. He was hurting...every part of him was hurting, and yet, still, there always seemed like there was more left to break.

 

Ceata helped him, his face scrunched in unhappiness as Urius was thoroughly untied. He squirmed up, sitting on Urius lower stomach. He does not speak, waiting to hear what Urius will say next. Terrified that he will never hear an I love you again.

 

Urius had a face that seemed to grow older by the day...It was a gentle face though, behind those sternly cut features. His hair was dark, but Ceata could see a silver hair or two. His skin smooth, but he had some frown lines and a few lines of worry on his brow when he made a face. His lips were soft and moist....a loving mouth, a loving heart...Ceata took in every feature of his body, slowly mapping out his lover's frame. He wanted to remember this...all of it. It was all he would have soon enough.

 

Ceata breathes in deep, shakily and rests his cheek against the man's muscular chest. This was going to end too soon for him, he could feel the tension in the air already. His heart aches. "Urius.... please don't abandon me..." He chokes out, wrapping his arms tight around his lover's body.

 

"Ceata...I have no choice. There's nothing I can do in this situation to make it right and no words of comfort I can offer you....You just have to let me go," Urius replies with a hurting heart. He doesn't want to say this and yet knows there is no other choice for him.

 

Ceata shook his head silently, refusing to unwrap his arms from around this man he loves so deeply. His hands clench painfully hard, arms shaking. "I-I don't want to lose you...." He utters thickly, nuzzling the man's chest. He feels hot warmth being smeared against his cheek. Tears.

 

"Ceata, though you have loved me and know me as yours...you forget that I had a life before you, a life many times over the length of yours." He lifts the other's head up weakly, trying to get the young man to look into his eyes. "Would you have me betray everything I am to be with you? That is a very cruel request..."

 

Ceata's eyes welled up with tears, more of them slipping down his cheeks. The drip off of his pointed chin and Ceata finds him unable to make them stop. He shook his head, sniffling. The young man looked like he had when Urius had found him as a tiny child, upset and lonely. The pale man tried to hide his face again, sobbing  in dismay. He'd never felt such pain in his life. Nothing physical could match this bone deep ache.

 

Urius wrapped his arms around the other, trying not to give into tears himself. His hands were warm against the other's skin, caressing Ceata lovingly. "...when this is all settled and over...No matter what, I will come back to you. Even Death couldn't keep me from you."

 

Shivering in his arms, Ceata snivels, unable to stop the pitiful noise from leaving his throat. He felt foolish for acting so much like a child, but his heart ached overwhelmingly. The young man's body so taut with tension he was shaking. "W-will you?" A small, hopeful voice. Those sad eyes meeting his.

 

Urius knew that what he said was partially a lie. He had no clue as to whether he could escape Adonis alive...but Rowan had a plan, what small sane part of him remained, and Urius would follow that man to death if need be, even if....even if it meant leaving Ceata behind. He had to stay true to Rowan, he owed him that much. "Yes. I will."

 

Ceata lowered his gaze, shifting closer to Urius, refusing to move from him. His bottom lip trembled and more tears prickled his eyes. They slid closed,  tears slid down his cheeks and graze painful marks of heat. This is hard. Perhaps the hardest thing he has ever had to do. "I..... I will wait then." He whispers.

 

"Thank you, Ceata." His voice is gentle and yet Ceata's heart is hurting so much. Even now, being this close, Ceata feels like he is losing Urius bit by bit. Anger fills him as he thinks of how Rowan is taking away the one he loves and he's powerless to stop it. If only there was some way to make Urius his...The locket about his neck is one reminder of how much Urius loves him, even so, he wishes he could have something more.

 

Sighing softly in defeat, the young man hugged his arms around Urius' neck, holding him as close as possible. "Please... please be mine for tonight...?" He begs, refusing to let go even if Urius told him no. He just needed... just needed more time before he let the other man go. Losing one he holds dear is heart wrenching. Ceata stared at Urius' chest, despairing.

 

"..Alright. I'll stay with you, at least this one night," Urius replies gently as he  kisses the other's forehead. He tries to remain hopeful that he'll be with Ceata in perhaps a month's or a year's time...yet he has a hard time convincing himself that it will happen, let alone trying to convey that to Ceata.

 

Ceata cupped the other man's cheeks and kissed him slowly, tenderly, conveying all of his love for the other man in such a simple action. He shivers, clutching at the angel in adoration, not wanting to let him go, not ever. He knew though, that holding Urius back would destroy the both of them. Even now hate boiled deep in Ceata's breast and made his claws prick slightly at the cheeks of his beloved. It's so hard, he could never imagine such pain.

 

They lay like that for many hours in the depth of the gloom, the world around them silent save for the slow and steady beat of their hearts. For that night, Urius was Ceata's as many times as he liked. It was perhaps the most passionate love making the two had ever shared - and the most bittersweet as well. As the dawn hours came, Ceata lay there in the haven of Urius' arms...How he hated the sun. Its bright white-gold rays reminded him of Rowan's hair, its garish light chasing away the shadows he so coveted. With day came the loss of his beloved. With day came the loss of his sacred night.

 

 

~ ~ ~

 

 

Rowan stood before the newly constructed compound with pride. Though there were things that were yet to be configured, it looked very well indeed. Most all of the buildings had been erected, allowing for his many protected witnesses to move into them gradually. Even the Death Angel architect seemed pleased that they could finish so quickly, but Rowan's resources were vast and he had many people to help  him. In the end, the collaboration was a success. "Wonderful job, I must say...how impressive that in less than three days we have made a decent headquarters for ourselves and my mercenaries are arriving daily to assist," Rowan said as he stood beside Death. The beautiful God was leaning back comfortably in a chair, caressing Agenta as he sipped some wine.

 

"Very. You work fast, Rowan." The immortal smiled, dark eyes unreadable as he ran his fingers through the silky hair crowning the young seer's head. Agenta's locks feel lovely against his fingertips and bring a pleased smile to his lips. From where they are they can see all the work that has been done, sunshine lighting the bright white wash walls. The sunlight on his skin warmed his cold body; a glorious feeling. Smiling, dark eyes flicked to the angel that stands not far away. " Very good work, Rowan."

 

"You are welcome, My Lord. I do wish to please," he replied coolly as he brushed away freshly cut hair. It looked as though he had gotten a trim, his hair rather neatly cropped. Of course, it was because when he became Adonis it usually went down to his knees and he constantly had to shear it off. "I hear that there are ambassadors clamoring to get here in order to perhaps persuade you to stop this and return to your formerly neutral and easily-controlled status. With the gate blocks I have set up, most all of their caravans have been sent back, but I believe they'll start sending armies soon. I suggest what Death Angels you don't currently have as soldiers you start training as reserves. It would be a wise choice, at least."

 

"Already been done. All death angels are trained for battle." The immortal replied, attention drifting out over the new 'city' that has sprung under the shadow of his castle. "But I can only take away so many before it will cause issues in the mortal realms." The immortal muses, fingers sliding through the thick locks of the young seer he has taken into his bed. They are like spun silk between his fingertips, the action itself soothing his own worry.

 

Agenta was having a hard time not moaning from the way Death touched him, causing him to blush with shame for being so unable to control himself. Even so, he sat obediently in the other's lap and leaned against his chest, blushing as he felt Rowan's eyes upon him in a curious manner. Rowan seemed to only linger on the other before turning to see Ibelyn walking up the rocky hill towards their perch. He was dressed in full armor, gleaming a faint silvery hue in the morning light. "Ah, Ibelyn...back from gate patrol?"

 

The glint of metal catches his eye, Death turning to watch the man making his way up toward them. He wraps his arm securely around the seer's waist. He's been a very welcome comfort. He tips his head in greeting, listening to what the man had to say. There was much going on, the many life forces drawing his attention away for a moment. It is a distraction he is still getting used to.

 

"There's an army at the gate?" Rowan asked with a good deal of surprise, as he had not imagined they would come this quickly. The army that faced them, he knew, would be of the Angelic sort. His homeland was furious with him for leaving and taking all his resources, no doubt either wanting him back or not wanting him as competition. It was not a surprise to him, then, to hear that it was Prince Conrard and his two married generals, Stannis and Kite. 

 

Brow arching high, the immortal leans forward in his chair. An army already? Frowning the god slips from the chair and stood, gently putting the seer in the seat he had just abandoned. "Ahh... they come to the gates then to pick a fight?" He rumbles,  gliding down the steps to stand with the two. Pale hands smooth down his dark robes, the immortal pondering if he should go out and meet the army. Perhaps his presence would be enough to cow them? Death has no desire to casually throw lives away.

 

"My lord, would you be so kind as to let me handle this? I have a feeling this has less to do with you and more to do with me," Rowan replies simply, already knowing what Death wishes to do. "After all, why else would they send Conrard, of all people, to bully me back under Tenshihana command? If you are not too opposed to the idea, I would like to invite the army in so they can see our progress...I hope that is not too much of an imposition."

 

The immortal frowned slightly, narrowing his eyes. "Under no circumstance will I allow a full army past my gates," Is his stern reply, arms folding over his chest. "But they may send a small troop in." Death was no fool. There was no way you could convince him to allow an enemy army into his grounds. He will be able to deal with a small part of men, but even he knows there are still dangers.

 

"Have Conrard come with Stannis, Kite, and a small contingent of men. Do not allow them too close to the castle. We will meet them at the westerly building of the compound," Rowan orders to Roaden's second. Ibelyn nods and bows, turning around and heading back towards the gate with a few other Starc soldiers in tow. Death is then taken to the westerly compound building that is Rowan's personal quarters whilst the others - namely Rei, Rowen, and Lazarus - are informed.

 

"Lazarus! Rowen! Lord Rowan-Adonis and Lord Death need you at the westerly compound building. It seems we're going to be having some visitors from the Angelic army!" David, the pretty young Angel that was formerly Dovinitas' apprentice, calls to the two as he peeks his head into the war room where Rei, Rowen, Rughal, and Lazarus are discussing various things. Sahena is there, glued to Lazarus' side ever since he came back. "Oh, and General Rei has to come too. We need everyone!"

 

They all look up, surprised that they are already needed. This seems too soon. Lazarus peered up at him and with a slight nod, stood straight. Already his belly was starting to round gently, a tiny bump underneath his clothing. The child was developing rapidly, as their race was prone to do. A survival tactic that Death had no anticipated. He touched the slight bump thoughtfully, peering down at the short angel by his side. Rowen wrinkles his nose playfully, charmed by his lover's pregnancy. It is quite a change. "Lets get down there, his lordship will will need us." Lazarus orders, smoothing down his robes. A habit he has aquired from much time spent in Death's presence.

 

"Do you need some help getting there?" Sahena asks, knowing that Lazarus has been having aches of late beyond that of their usual mad love making. However, it isn't in Lazarus' nature to appear before some foreign dignitaries and potential enemies looking weak and feeble against his mate. Ah, but the idea of leaning against that strong arm...He certainly would have fun nuzzling into Sahena while he listened to the boring Angels talk. 

 

"No, I'll be fine love." He reassures, leaning down to nuzzle into Sahena's pale hair. He will be alright.  Even pregnant, Lazarus would not allow himself to look any less dignified or strong than he normally was.  He was a king and Death's Second, he would act the part. "But I do hope you'll give me one of those massages tonight, hmmmn?" He asks hopefully, smiling as they drift from the room and to whatever might lay ahead.

 

 "Of course. I would love to, Lazarus," Sahena replied as he offered Lazarus a loving kiss. He let him go, but felt a little unnerved about not at least appearing at the other's side. It would be a while before Sahena would ever forgive both his father and Urius for using him to force Death's hand, so perhaps, in the end; this was all for the best...even so, being away from Lazarus for even just a little while was painful. He ached when his lover walked out the door and he was left there, heaviness in his heart...Oh, if only he knew how much heavier it would get before day's end.