untitled: A Price to Pay

~ ~ ~

"You SON OF A BITCH!! We've been walking this God forsaken snowy country for five damn days!! There has been nothing but TREES, SNOW, Wolf SHIT, and more SNOW! I demand to be sent to the front lines!!" the shrill Valen girl snarled at Stannis, breaking his usual stoney demeanor as he was nigh pressed against a tree. Oh, my, was Kite a sight. With her hair just tufts of blond against her scalp, one might think she was a boy...well, were it not for the curves. She was at least a head shorter than Stannis, strong-willed, strong-bodied, and generally a strong personality. She had every man there with a shrunken scrotum with one gaze. Stannis seemed very much floored by her, though he tried hard not to let his men see.

"These are the lands we are assigned to patrol. If you dislike it, take it up with my brother...Otherwise, you're complaining to the wind," Stannis replied, albeit with a bit of uncertainty. His normal icy gaze didn't work on her. She was like fire to his frost and her blue eyes were unnerving as hell.
"FUCK THAT! I've been sending messengers to your God damned brother for the last five days! Not a reply! Not ONE!! Is this how all you Starcs treat guests and allies?"

"Hardly, but you certainly have made it very difficult for cooperation. Then again, you are a - "Stannis did not get to finish the word, finding her right in his face, almost on her tip-toes, with teeth bared in a feral manner.

"Say it....Say it, I DARE YOU!!! Call me a 'woman' and I'll see to it that every lest vestige of your manhood is RIPPED from its place at your crotch and fed to the wolves!!!"

Death's chuckles were rather loud, the immortal peering up at Stannis thoughtfully. "She was feisty back then too? No wonder she has you so whipped." He uttered before turning his attention back onto Urius and his tale.

"Please, let's stop this...it's not going to get us anywhere," Farryn tried at peace, stepping between the two. Kite gave him a look that promised pain, Stannis trying so hard not to be uncivil towards a woman that he was shaking. Farryn looked as though he would find the brunt of both their rage when Kite finally subsided.

"You're right.....Then, YOU, Sir Urius, will take me to the front!" she ordered, wheeling around to point a glove directly into Urius' face. He almost felt like he would drop there dead in the snow. She was staring at him. She had eyes that were similar to Rowan's, but certainly not to his degree of intensity. Perhaps that is why Urius felt as though he should kneel before her in the snow....She was related to Rowan, after all.

"You can't just circumvent my orders!!" Stannis snarled now, almost going right through Farryn with eyes like two sharp steel blades bearing down upon her. She was the most difficult woman Stannis had ever met perhaps. He had never handled head strong women particularly well, since he had been more accustomed to the gentle maidens whose life was to embroider by the fireside and find a good husband. THAT he could handle...this was an entirely different degree of woman.

"I can too!! He is a Starc Noble and he is also as inclined to see to me, a GUEST, as you are! Though I must say, he seems to be the only brother WORTH associating with of your whole deplorable family!" she snarls back at him, already grabbing a rather bewildered Urius by the arm.

"Oh, you hardly know my brother, MA'AM..." Stannis hisses low, his voice becoming gravely in his rage. He's so close to actually hitting her - he ACTUALLY wants to HIT a woman! This is ridiculous! "What's more, you will not leave this camp if I have to tie you up and guard you myself!!"

"U-uh...look, Stannis, that's not necessary, I can take her to - " Farryn starts.

"Please, Ma'am, perhaps you should listen to my broth - " Urius stammers.

"DON'T YOU DARE SPEAK ANOTHER WORD!" both Stannis and Kite roar and the two hapless victims can only cower in terror. Stannis and Kite turn on one another like a cat and a dog in the little forest clearing where the four officers have met. The air is tense and all the colder from their anger.

"You lying bastard...As ugly as you are stubborn! I AM leaving this camp, even if I have to beat your rotten carcass half across these mountains!"

"I wanted to be civil, but it's obviously IMPOSSIBLE with a woman like you...Ha! Hardly a woman, more like a HARPY."

"Ohoho! Harpy?Well, if that's the case, I'll rip out your guts with my claws, you over grown block of ice!"

"Stubborn wench!"

"Tree-fucking Wolfman!"

"Insolent, man-phobic she-devil!!"

"Stone faced Shit-cicle!!"

"You unbelievable BIT -!" Stannis is about to snarl when Kite suddenly vaults at him, hands grabbing at his hair, yanking him down, and kissing him fully on the mouth. Farryn's jaw drops and Stannis freezes like a stag in a thicket at the hunter's mercy. 

  "OOF!!" Stannis gasps out next, for the aim really wasn't the kiss. Rather, it was the hilt of Kite's sword placed in a very uncomfortable area with such force that it made Stannis double over. Clutching them in immense pain, he at once regretted his choice to NOT wear the cup for better mobility. Kneeling in the snow, he rather cursed that choice...

"S-Stannis!!" Farryn cried out, running to his friend's aid just as Kite swiveled and grabbed Urius' arm. before he could even venture a word, he was being dragged down the hill and thrown onto a horse by the blond. His brother was left to gasp in the clearing above, clinging to Farryn for the pain as he managed to raise his voice enough to yell...
"BITCH!!!"

 ~ ~ ~

Stannis looks away towards the door then, not really wanting anyone to see him blushing. Even now, his balls ache with the memory of how much that HURT!

Ceata was unable to stop himself from snickering, glancing down at his lap to keep the look on his face from being seen. Death looked even more amused, but motioned for Urius to continue on.
Stannis was going to faint from blushing as hard as he was.

 "Well, needless to say, I was held captive against my will. Still, I didn't fight her as hard as I possibly could have...She was, after all, still my superior officer. Yet if I had known the kind of trouble she would have gotten me into, well...I really wouldn't have let her take me so far. You see, Graithe had escaped from the front lines by finding a small gap through which he led his army quickly during the night. He slaughtered a patrol company and took their clothing to better pass off as House Starc soldiers in enemy territory...his intention was to march on House Starc, capture, and kill Lord Urlander...It seems we met up with them first."

~  ~ ~

"Well, well...what have we here? A couple of elopers?" Graithen dorth Ibelraen scoffed in a gravelly voice, his wild black hair falling about his shoulders and brushing the stolen and blood-soiled uniform of a Starc scout. His men chuckled in turn, surrounding Urius and Kite on the trail. They eyed Kite with quite a bit of interest, for they had not been near a woman in quite some time and the thought of finally getting "better acquainted" with one of the fairer sex was tempting. Kite, of course, couldn't hold back her lashing tongue.
"Oh, shut it, you cold-blooded murderer! I demand to know where you're going and what you intend to do!" Kite snarled at him, sitting back on her horse as though she owned the place. Perhaps she was trembling in her boots, but she wouldn't let a man like Graithe see it. The grissled warrior only laughed,  glancing back over his shoulder.

"Why, Miss, we're just going to visit our relatives down the way...You know, to borrow a cup of sugar like good neighbors," Graithe said with a smile, making Urius flinch in anger. "Won't you be so kind as to show us the way?"

"Of course we won't!! Don't say anything, Urius! Don't let these idiots intimidate you," Kite snarled angrily as she glared directly into Graithe's eyes. He chuckled.
"Now, now, girl...I wouldn't be so cocky if I were you." His smile spreads.
  "Then again..."

"NO!! LET GO, YOU BASTARDS!!! GRAAAH!!" Kite screamed, fighting off five or six men that had pulled her down from her horse. Her sword had been taken, but she was still clawing them and kicking at them, refusing to let them strip her of her armor and rape her.
Urius, on the other hand, doesn't seem as fortunate. Though he fights as valiantly as he is able, the distraction of Kite in trouble left him vulnerable to attack and now he is in the arms of Graithe, a blade pressed to his neck. He can feel the other's hot breath against his ear and the chuckle that rumbles through his chest.

"Well...looks like you House Starcs aren't good for protecting, are you? You kill off all our women and children, yet you can't even protect your own...how pathetic." He licks against Urius' ear, having removed his helm in the scuffle. Urius flinched and grit his teeth with rage. "I hope Urlander has an expression like hers when I have him torn apart piece by piece."

"That won't happen...House Starc will  not fall to someone like you," Urius growled as he tried to struggle, but the knife bit in against his neck, blood slipping down to soak his collar.

"Sorry, boy, but it's a little too far passed the front lines to say that," Graithe chuckled, his voice barely heard over Kite's frustrated screams. 


Ceata visibly tensed at this part of the story, his hands clutched in the cloth of  his pants. Stannis probably wished that Urius' throat had been slit, Ceata was conflicted.  It would have been so much easier if he had never come across Urius, but he would never have enjoyed so many good times... or the bad.
The pale male rubbed at his eye, quietly waiting for the other to continue.

~ ~ ~

It wasn't long before Urius found himself pressed down against the snow, blood dripping from his nose as Graithe had not spared him the pain of a punch with a gauntlet attached. Kite was still fighting like a wild animal, having been divested of her tunic - for it had been ripped - and was now bear breasted as she grappled with one or another of the men trying to assault her and took him down. Another followed suit, but she held her own. It wouldn't be long though until she couldn't fight them anymore. More and more that were uninterested in joining before were stepping up until she had a gang of ten at least around her out of thirty or more warriors. The rest sat back and laughed, letting the young do the work.

Urius closed his eyes with the feeling of inevitable defeat creeping into his heart. He should have figured he would have fallen this far. From his love for Rowan, his hate of Remalphia...just thinking now about how he would never in his life tell Rowan even once the depth of his feelings made his heart break. He would die here, frozen in the snow like the perpetual statue he had always been. His final moments would be accompanied with Kite's almost inevitable defilement, his brother wouldn't mourn his death - perhaps he would even be kicked off the side of a mountain for good measure. Just once...just once, he wanted to tell Rowan what his heart was screaming that rainy day at the sacred halls of the Department of Justice. If only he could have been truthful, if only...

Such wishes were for the weak, something in Urius' mind whispered. If you want power, it said, you must accept me. Eat your sorrow, let it become you, and fuel your rage...Such a soft and inviting voice it was, speaking out of the blackness that came when Urius closed his eyes. He felt warmed by it and felt enraged as well, but he was too exhausted and too pained to stop listening. In truth, he had already exhausted his sorrow....Right then, he felt only hollow.

~ ~ ~

"And then I blacked out...It was the first time Sorrow ever came into existence...I don't know what I did, I just woke up and everyone was dead. Stannis was standing over me...I was bleeding and in a lot of pain, but I couldn't remember anything. Kite had been knocked out. We somehow convinced her that she had blacked out during her own battle and merely dreamed of what she saw, but...all the same, I remembered nothing and I pushed my sadness back into my heart and let it seethe."

Ceata shivered, but only Urius could really feel that quiver of muscles at the mention of Sorrow. Whether it was one of intrigue or fear was hard to tell until you looked at the slightly strained expression of the pale shadowshifter.

"Hmmn..." Death rumbled softly, chin on his hand and eyes focused raptly upon Urius.

"You went berserk. You turned into a monster and ate every soul there, save Kite who I managed to save only because I said ITS name," Stannis cuts in, glaring at Urius from across the room. Perhaps it was more because of Urius almost killing Kite that Stannis really hated his brother, though Urius' selfish and blatant disregard for anyone else in his life certainly did give Stannis reason to resent him. Yet there was something more so in Stannis' eyes that suggested Sorrow's attempt on Kite's life might have been to blame...or something else Sorrow did. One never knew with that beast. 

Such things were hidden away from them, the reasons and the ways of Stannis' loathing for Urius and for Urius' foolishness. Thinking on it, one could see the ways and perhaps the reasoning, but the true reasons were still too deep to reach.

Death was in no mood to even try.

"Go on..."

Urius gave his brother a tentative look before turning away, feeling somehow nervous about saying this next part. After all, that incident had more weight than he'd like to really admit. It made Stannis hate him even more and also revealed a part of him he had tried to forget for so long. It only got worse from then on...

~ ~ ~

Urius could no longer stay in House Starc. Though Stannis would never allow Urlander to know just what kind of destruction the youngest brother had caused, he did not hold back his open disdain for Urius' actions. Urlander took it as jealousy and awarded Urius a comfortable position, sending Stannis back to the front lines - another huge source of resentment. So Urius was sent back to the Department of Justice, given a lawyer's position, and useless yet prestigious sounding title that Urlander freely flung out to just about anyone. So Urius was banished to the lonely life he had before. Only now it was filled with the scars of war and the empty notion that he was indeed a monster.

All such fears confirmed, the voice would not leave. It would come at night in his dreams, showing him the most terrible aspects of his personality - parts of him even he didn't want to admit to. The vile and indecent wish to have Rowan raped and writhing beneath him, to have Remalphia strung up by her womanhood and spread until the fatty folds tore off, the want to tear Stannis apart piece by piece so that even the crows could not discern if he was meat or dust...Such horrible things he  thought. Suicide couldn't even compare to it, for Urius wished to rip out his own brain to save himself from those thoughts. How relentless they were...and how heavy.

Yet there was still that blind hope - that unceasing loyalty to a half-spent dream - that Rowan would come back through his door any moment and ask for him. Any task, Urius would do it. He didn't care if it was licking the dirt from Rowan's boots - he would so gladly do it, if only to have him just stand there and exist in his presence. It didn't help, of course, that Jinevae would visit often and constantly talk about the newfound happiness Rowan had. Urius wanted to kill the lout more than once and had the strangest wish to stab him with a kitchen knife when his back was turned. What a monster he had become...Even he could see how sick he was.

Trying to get help only made things even worse. He once attempted to speak his thoughts to Roaden, but that damn voice kept yammering and nagging him that he just kept silent. He was a prisoner in his own brain. He needed Rowan badly.
 

The black eyes of Death staring at him must not have made it any easier for Urius to get his thoughts out. Nor did the presence of his pale lover by his side. But there was no escaping it.

 ~ ~ ~

It was upon the occasion of a letter being sent to his home that Urius seemed to break his endless cycle of despair. It ate away at him so furiously that his hands shook as he opened the seal so familiar to him. Lion and a star burst embossed on blue wax. Truly, it was Rowan's seal as though it had fallen from heaven to soothe the agony of an aching heart. Urius opened the letter with trembling fingers, reading then that the words were not from the one he beloved above all others - and certainly not words that drew him back to his master's whip as a Second or even a friend - , but rather Remalphia's final words:

Dear Urius,

Though you have never been of an amicable nature to me, I have always perceived you as a man of grace and beauty. I loved you more passionately than I aught to have, giving up my body to you even though I knew your affections were false. I just wanted to have you, from the depths of my soul, to endear your heart to mine even if I had to break it. And I did break it, I know. You couldn't bear to show your countenance at my wedding - for that, I relished in your pain. You know already I am large with child.

Your children, I should say. Both make my belly large - twins, you know? A boy and a girl, so the healers say. Both of them will never know you. In fact, I will see to it that, at the very last, I grasp from you all your heart. A year and not a word from you. You are as cowardly a man as I have ever known, even if I do love you. I will see your children dead to wash that last piece of you from me. Maybe then I won't feel these emotions anymore.
Either way, this is your last chance. I will tell Rowan the truth. Find me before then and take me from him or you lose friend, lover, and child all.
I cannot bear a moment longer with this despicable man you love so much. Better to see an end to it than bother with him anymore.

Remalphia

For a moment Death looked like he was going to say something, his lips parting before they sealed up again and his brows knotted. The tall man leaned back and folded his hands in his lap, keeping himself quiet, for if he spoke he might change the topic and distract Urius from his story when what they most needed was to hear it.  The room fell heavily silent, Ceata sitting back with a frown heavily upon his pale face, his hand resting against one of Urius' as if ready to grab the man should he try to flee.

Urius did indeed feel like fleeing, for the words were much harder to get out now. Stannis had even ended his cold glares out of consideration for his brother's mental fragility - something he wouldn't do unless it was the gravest of situations. Indeed, this was grave. What Urius admitted to had haunted him all his life. Even Ceata could not comprehend the kind of sins he had committed and the guilt he felt. He had never lost children, after all. 

Ceata had no children to lose. The young male leaned over and whispered something to Urius, a soft utterance of affection and comfort before he straightened and waited. Once this was over with, who knew what would happen. Urius needed rest, but it was unlikely that Ceata could even get him into bed again to sleep.

Even such an utterance, as sweetly as it had been given with the sincerity of allowing comforting into Urius' soul, fell on deaf ears. Urius was gripping his hands together so tightly now. The knuckles were white and the nails threatened to break the skin. Even that kind of pain wouldn't have woken him from his words, for his eyes were already lost in the past and saw nothing beyond the swirl of events as he remembered them.

"It's true....I was a coward. All this time, though in knowledge of Remalphia's condition, not once had I thought that other lives were to be influenced by my actions. I.......I was hopelessly blind. In my despair of losing Rowan by my own hand, I didn't see what else was to be lost...In that moment, I realized my own idiocy. I had children...my children."

~ ~ ~

The rain hit hard against Urius' face as he rode over the sloshy black soup of mud that became the road. The wind was howling to either side of him, his cloak flying behind him and raining rivers of water at his back. The horse beneath him clenched and heaved forward, mud splashing up to its hind parts as it was spurred onward towards the cottage in the Vale - the last known place that Rowan would reside. It had been their boyhood hideaway, settled next to the Snoicelle Canal far from the influence of any town. No where else but there.

Even now, Urius' heart was beating in his throat, his guts twisted in unmistakable fear. Fear which was different from the kind that made him hide from Rowan - the truth, Remalphia, and everything else seemed of the smallest importance. The fear that drove him was, for once, absolutely selfless.

All this time he had thought only of his sadness. He couldn't imagine what Rowan must have been feeling, for he knew the man wasn't stupid. Remalphia would not be able to hide her disdain for long. Truly, as the letter suggested, she loathed Rowan as much as he loathed her. To live in a house with that woman...Rowan probably only stayed with her for the growing of her belly. What was he to do when she told him the truth? Would he crack? All the world had already abandoned him - or, rather, he had run from the world - for her. If she really was all that was left, perhaps the monster that lurked inside Rowan would not hesitate to take the chance to be free. Oh, how Urius hated to be right...

Death licked his lips, the soft surfaces feeling oddly cracked and dry as this tale progressed into even darker and more terrible circumstances. The room felt colder even, his own flesh chilled and prickled with goosepimples.

~ ~ ~

Trees rushed passed the horse almost as in a blur as the animal strained and heaved against the mud. Just beyond the foliage, Urius could see the smoke rising from a single chimney and the glittering waters of the Snoicelle Canal beyond. A flutter of relief came through him, for the smoke from the chimney did not seem to denote distress, the very cabin laying serenely in the woods. Indeed, from that distance, all seemed perfect.

With a hard kick, Urius urged his animal forward, but he would not get much further down the road, for the beast lost its footing in the mud and all came crashing down. Urius felt cold sticky earth and water slosh into his face, his leg feeling almost numb as he was thrown from the animal and it landed most awkwardly beneath him. Beside him in the earthen slop the creature screamed, its leg bent haphazardly, it kicking and flailing. Before Urius did anything further, he put the creature out of its misery.

Thus stained with blood, drenched in rain, and mud-caked, Urius stumbled through the woods blindly, his mind running in circles. What would they think if they saw him like this? Would Rowan even recognize him? He had lost a great deal of weight, cut his hair, looked as bewildered and crazed as a mad man...Urius would half-expect him to cut his head off then and there....but....what would he do after seeing him? It was certain that Rowan wouldn't so easily give into the thought of having his wife taken away by his former best friend. How would he even begin to speak with him?

Sadly for Urius, he never once got the chance to even formulate his words, for as he walked out into the clearing, he saw the smoke was no indicator of good tidings. Rather, it was merely the wisps of broken dreams rising into the rain-soaked sky. Water dripped down Urius' face as cold as ice, staring at the broken windows, the shattered doorway, the blood trailing over floor boards in the shadow of the entryway. He felt so cold.

Ceata knew this, closing his eyes slowly as the story fully unfolded before them, all the gritty detail and the horrible things that had happened. The more they knew, the more frightful this became.

Those moments Urius did not wish to recount, even for them. His words were curt, as would be one who wished to avoid the subject utterly. It was spoken in the manner of an old war soldier - the facts, sir, and nothing but the facts. Hardened eyes stared forward as he spoke, and, for the life of him, Ceata could not get Urius to stop gripping his hands. Blood dripped from his fingertips where nails had scoured his palms.

~ ~ ~

Urius found her laying on the floor. She was slit open. There were obvious blood trails all over the simple little cottage room. He can remember quite clearly her pale face and dark eyes looking skyward as she lay, rounded belly opened up like a ripe cantaloupe. The sight, Urius remembers, made him turn and wretch what little he had eaten into the muddy grass and air and pain besides. He couldn't think, he couldn't breath, only left to dry heave as he clung to a tree to keep steady. He remembers because he ripped up the bark clinging so hard.

She was dead, pieces of her and no doubt both children strewn all over the cottage. Just thinking of it made Urius dry heave again until his throat was raw and his legs buckled. He sat there in the grass, rain pouring down on him as the blackest clouds swirled overhead. He should have noticed it then...the familiar feeling of it. Those clouds did not need description, for they would have been familiar to anyone who lived through the attack on Tenshihana - that ominous darkness that one could not escape, the fog rolling in over the water. Distantly, a baby cried.

 ~ ~ ~

Urius' head shot up upon hearing the whimpering wail from not too far off. Though his body was a wreck and his mind could barely process the tragedy unfolding, he made efforts to stumble across the yard and rush down over a bank to where he heard an infant crying. His boots slipped in the mud, making him tumble to the shore as the fog swirled thickly around him.

Rain persisted to pelt him with cold daggers against his skin, running down his forehead and into his eyes. His lashes fluttered, the sound of rain almost deafening, along with his heartbeat. He listened, the wailing coming again at a lesser distance, along with a soft shushing as the baby squealed for its mother.

"Now, now...don't cry...don't cry..." came a voice like black silk soothing away the child's simpering. Urius pushed foward blindly, stumbling over the rocks along the shore as he saw distantly a figure in the mist. As he got closer, that familiar face slowly faded into view, as haunting as ever with the soft blond hair seemingly untouched by the rain and the damp that gathered all around him.

Indeed, there was such an odd air that gathered about Rowan's being, one that Urius should have been more aware - and certainly more wary - of. Either way, in his arms which were smeared with blood, his entire person spattered with it, was an infant squirming helplessly. A little boy. 

Now this seemed to be one of the most important parts of Urius' tale, at least so it seemed. The young man leaned forward, watching his mate intently as the words left his lips. The others in the room were just quiet, their attentions on the story more so than any sort of emotions Ceata might be feeling hearing about part of his mate's past.

  ~ ~ ~

"W-What.....what did you do to her?" Urius breathed, unable to really recognize his own voice. His throat was hurting from heaving so hard and his lips felt dry and cracked, despite the rain. Such a foolish question too to be asking...especially to see Rowan covered in blood and the sight of Remalphia in the doorway. Did he not say he wished to do something like this himself out of hate for her? Yet...he never wished to have children harmed. Never, not in all his life.

"...W-where is the other baby...?" Urius breathed then, the thought of children at once reminding him that there were supposed to be two - not one.

"Oh, yes....that one," Rowan replied, gently smoothing out the pale white cheeks of the infant in his arms, smiling as the child continued to hiccup and simper. He was quieter now, as though knowing that the crying would not help him get free from this monster's arms - this monster who killed his mother even as he was being born. "I suppose I must have cut through it. I did go rather deep."

As Rowan raised his head, his eyes caught Urius' and a cold pang of fear ran up and down the Starc's body - colder than the rain, than the snows of Urius' childhood, or the hollowness in his heart. Those eyes, which had been such a lovely shade of green, were now the depths of crimson. And that smile....that smile Urius had loved was gone. The facial features were the same, the way it formed the same, but those eyes did not smile - rather, they burned. 

At the mention of those eyes, a few in the room shivered a little in sympathy as Urius described Rowan's eyes. Ceata had seen them, and Death had seen them and probably Stannis as well. They were frightful eyes, the type you did not wish upon you. Well, the kind most did not wish upon them. The thought of that monster with a child in his arms was sickeningly frightful. Like a vision out of a nightmare.

"....Row...an?" Urius asked, his voice trembling. Even as the name passed his lips, he knew that this man - this THING - was not Rowan. He was something beyond Rowan. He was the eyes he beheld when his beloved master began to change...When he became a monster. Yet, as soon as the name left his lips, those eyes widened with a sudden rage. Black shadows appeared from within the rocks, wrapping around Urius' neck as fast as a whip and stinging just as greatly. Hands clawed at the offensive vines, finding them to be shadows as hot as coals. Urius could only give a strangled gasp of agony, the sound of his skin sizzling in his ears.

"NEVER call me by that name...I am not Rowan."

The vines receded for a moment and Urius fell back upon the rocks, holding to his neck as the rain stung against him and he coughed out inhuman sounds for his pain. "Rowan will not come back. You've betrayed him so utterly, Urius...for that, perhaps, I should thank you," that black silk voice continued. Absently, writhing on the ground, Urius heard the sound of boots on the rocks. He looked to a few feet in front of him, seeing there Rowan's feet, but behind them trailed the softest river of white-golden hair. Straining his neck, Urius turned his attention upward, seeing the face of a beast he had often feared. The part of Rowan which he, at times, could not control. "You've finally let me awaken. Admittedly, I still have a great deal left to regain, but...well..."

This beast knelt down, Urius able to see the squirming hand of his child up close. How pale and small it seemed...as white as snow. Adonis then grasped his chin with a free hand, smiling with Rowan's beautiful smile now tainted with malice and evil, and looked into Urius' wide frightened eyes. "What shall I do to repay such utter idiocy? Such loathesome treachery? After all, YOU are to thank for driving Rowan mad." He chuckles. "He will never forgive you."

Silence. The room was more silent then it had ever been during the story, only broken by the soft rustling as Death shifted his position and drank a little more of his wine. Needing it to fortify him for more of this sad, horrific story.

  ~ ~ ~

"N...n-no...I....I was only..." Urius tried to stammer, he didn't know what to say. A part of him wished to defend his actions, yet another part of him - the greater part of him - knew full well that this and everything that had transpired to get to it was his fault. Already the darkness was growing overhead, spreading over the Vale like a diseases. Shadows swirled in the trees, a hoarde of eyes staring as creatures snickered behind the rustling foliage. The wind picked up, rain and mist swirling together. Ah, but all was hot and burning in those eyes.

If ever Urius was to experience the branding of his soul, it was now. His whole being ached. In those red swirling eyes, he saw truth and it hurt like nothing he had ever known. The monster laughed, letting him go and standing then as he held the child in his arms. The baby had taken up to crying softly, his arms wiggling. "You are pathetic...Even now, you won't admit to the depth of your own selfishness. I find that quite stunning, to tell all truths." He turned then and walked a little ways down the beach a ways, the water lapping against the shore as it churned and bubbled with black waves. Creatures rose from it, their spined fins spreading and their eyes gleaming with hunger. To them this beast walked, his hair trailing behind him in a magnificent golden furl. He held the baby gently in his arms, stepping into the water as the black demons from the depths came forth to inspect the baby. Urius jolted, trying to pull himself up as he reached for his son.

"N-No-ggah!" he tried to cry, but that black vine which had stayed dormant before that moment came snaking up against his wrists and held him firm to the earth. "GGHNNN!!!" He cringed, the burning of his skin so acutely painful, yet he had to block it out...The babe...the babe was his...Yet he could only watch in horror as the thing that was not Rowan allowed those dark Sirens to run their wet black fingers over tender white skin. The baby began to cry. "P-Please...p-please, don't...I'll do any - GAAH!" Urius' own pitiful cries were choked off by black shadows. He strained to breathe.

"Anything? My dear, I don't need you. You've served your purpose...In fact, you're a nuisance. Keeping you around is only a mild entertainment." The beast caressed the child in his arms, the baby still simpering as the cold air brushed its naked skin, still stained with its mother's birth blood. "This whelp is the same as you....Your blood." He tilted his head slightly, surveying the squirming infant in his arms. "Though, he does have my eyes, the dear little thing....Too bad I have no use for him." The child was then grasped by its small little leg and held in the air with intent to be dropped. The infant screamed, face pink and scrunched as little white tufts of hair were brushed by the cold breeze. He wailed and wailed, the deadly Demons rising from the water as if to grasp him!

"M-my life!!!" Urius cried, though his throat was being strangled and the burning of his skin had become a numb existence of constant and excrutiating pain. His nerves shut down to it, his mind only willing himself to think of the crying boy - his crying boy - who dangled precariously in the realms between life and death. "B-By the gods, I give you my life!! My body, my soul, just please...p-please...."
The begging almost seemed to please the beast, who liked the sight of painful struggle more than anything. He paused a moment to consider Urius' plight, only then smiling softly - that smile that twisted Urius' guts until he was ill. "I already have your life, Urius...I always did. I had your heart, your soul, your being. What do you offer me that I cannot simply take?" he scoffed, about to loosen on that foot. Urius tried to reach out, wishing to put himself between those monsters and his son. He would die for the boy, though he didn't know why...Should he not simply let the infant die? It was partly belonging to Remalphia, the woman he loathed....and yet.....to even think for a moment about doing nothing did not cross his mind. It was his mistake. It was his selfishness. It was his sacrifice. It was his baby.

"Torment...I.....I give you my pain...I give you the agony of knowing...ghnn!! ...t-that....that each day I live w-with the death...Gah! Uhn...ah....of.....of my one daughter...of my children's mother....in agony...in guilt....Let me hate myself...let me...ah! ...uhn...let me never know happiness or love....again...." Urius pleaded, his voice losing its steadiness as he tried to force it to work beyond the pain.

This evil being listened to his words and, slowly, drew the infant to him and righted his squirming body. A smile grew over his lips that, to this day, Urius cannot take from his mind. "Yes....yes, yes, all of that...and the boy will live in hell. He will make his own payment for living, but you...you will give me your pain and your immortality." He chuckled. "I want to watch you, an Angel, struggle as a mortal would....What better payment could I ask for?" 

Just as bad as making a deal with the Devil. Worse probably. Death's usually cold skin prickled, his claw sucked between his red lips. Sacrificing everything for his mistakes, at least Urius had done something slightly right in his foolishness....

 "And so....I gave him my immortality in return for my son," Urius says softly as he sits there, his eyes staring forward and flecks of purple slowly gather in them. His face is contorted in anguish at the memory - a truly guilty expression that has Ceata's own heart aching for his lover. He was barely a baby when all of this was going on - barely a twinkle in his father's eye. If only he had been there sooner...but it seemed as though this event was unavoidable - as if Fate had cursed Urius and Rowan for  the monsters they both secretly held within.

There was little could be done for Urius' immortality at the moment. Repairing what had caused it would be hard and Death did not have the energy to even try, not now. He sighed, leaning his cheek on his hand as he peered at Urius thoughtfully.

"So... does that not mean Sahenna could possibly be a host for Sorrow? And the child he and Lazarus had? Your grandson... could possibly be a host as well?" The immortal frowned, closing his eyes. "Hmmnn..."

"....I........I'm sorry...." Urius says softly, tears touching the edges of his eyes. "I've ruined his life...and...b-beyond that, all those years he spent thinking he was an Engineered Angel...t-thinking he was abandoned...." Urius puts a hand to his mouth, possibly to keep from vomitting, his stomach doing knots.

~ ~ ~

That day was raining too, when Urius set out. The sun was already setting over stormclouds, the last of its light casting an eriee pink glow upon the rising pressure system. How many years had it been since he had sold his soul to a monster of indescribable cruelty? Too long, he thought. In that time, he had not seen this creature that called itself Adonis - not even once. The war was over by then, their Shadowshifter ring and organization still going if only by Adonis' order. Now and then, Urius would be sent money and letters from far away places, the letters detailing orders that he was to follow. Out of fear or some insane sense of loyalty, he did everything that was asked of him, often to the consequence of feeling even worse about himself and his actions. Yet he had fallen so far that even a part of him was happy that this beast who was Rowan, who was not Rowan, still valued him enough to run the Underground without fail.

Yet, this night was not about the monster - rather, it was in defiance of the beast that Urius set out from his apartment in Tenshihana. He was in the Mortal world, in the Sombs no less, walking steadily towards the towers of Bethelhem - a structure that he was all too familiar with. Somewhere, deep in the cavernous halls where Liam kept the unfortunate victims of his torture, was his boy. It had taken years to find him. Adonis had taken the baby that day without remorse, leaving Urius broken and battered by the riverside, fighting the excrutiating pain of Mortality. Beyond the pain, however, Urius had found renewed strength in his weakened state.

As an Angel, there is less beauty in the world. It is like being covered in a fog of sleep, as though one is never fully awake. Sickness does not touch you, death and beauty and the briefness of all things does not move you, and you are utterly blinded but to an obedience that Urius no longer possesses. To be Human is to be free, but to be Human is to be in pain. Urius now knows the danger of emotions, especially fear....Even now, it grips him, telling his feet to turn back even as he presses onward over the jagged rocks, his black cloak hiding him as the shadows get longer and the rain pelts down harder. It is courage or something like it that makes him ignore the Humanity screaming at him. Preservation of life....it is something he never cared for before. Now, it is all he thinks of.

"Halt! Who goes there?" cries the guard at the gate - one of Liam's delightful monsters. The Engineered Angel stares at him, keen eyes of a Demon with a mortal soul. Urius feels closer to them than anything, for he is a true Mortal Angel.

"I'm here on behalf of my Lord," Urius replies, holding up the lion pin which allows him into the Tenshihana underground. Here, it is also the badge into CRISIS, as the two organizations are headed by the same man that is as polarized as the two missions which drive such communities.

Either way, with that pin, Urius is allowed to enter and slips easily among the crowds heading this way and that. Their blank eyes and soulless stares are indicative of Liam's work. The man loves to rip the life out of people, doing a very effective job of it too. Urius can only pray that Sahenna is not so unfortunate, but the likelihood of that is rather slim.

One can only image the feelings that might have gone through the man as he walked among the souless creatures. Death could remember his own and he cared not to dwell on it. Disturbing was a good word to describe it... though horrifying was good too.

~ ~ ~

They became less and less the further that Urius ventured into the bowels of Bethelhem. Lazarus, Exodus, and the others have all seen that place, knowing of the rooms in which Yasunari lurked, the torturous white room where every protential victim was brought through...and then, at last, the holding cells. This is where Urius came to look first, passing the guards easily enough and then walking the long poished white hallways. On every side of him were doors, the thin windows showing one or more of the inmates contained there. He only wanted one door...One door that held one inmate.
"194....195....196...............197," Urius said at last, staring at the door and the fogged glass window. He was nervous as he swiped his card key, letting the lock de-pressurize before slowly sliding the door open. What he found there was enough to break his heart.
The boy sat up against the edge of the small cell, his one good eye wide with unseeing fear. His white hair went everywhere, covering up even the bandage over his missing eye. He was shivering, terrified....A face with features similar to his own contorted in fear when he reached out to gently touch the boy. He couldn't say a word, the guilt overwhelming him until his throat could not process sound. All he could do was pick up the trembling body and hold him aginst his chest. He had never held his son before...this was the first time, after more than fifteen years. "It's alright....I won't let you go."
But, in fact, Urius would have to let him go. To keep the boy near him was to invite death for them both. Rowan would undoutably find out about this, but the chances were that, if the child was hidden somewhere, Urius would be the only one to be blamed and beaten over this. He would take that chance, rathering that the child never again feel fear...inso much as he could, of course. He'd already been so broken. He would never be a whole person again. Just as Urius would never be a whole person...

"Wait, you know something about CRISIS?" a fiery red-headed demon snarled between puffs of his fifth cigarette. He stood there in the darkened alley, glaring sharply at the man in the long cloak - Urius. Rughal was not one to make these sorts of visits, but the information was good that, should he accept this anonymous man's offer, he'd be pointed in the right direction. He too had a son he had to find and care for, as well as a lover who, despite everything he did, would not return to him. He and Urius were equally pathetic in these instances, though the two would never come to know it.

"Yes...however, there is someone you must care for in return for this information...A boy, one of CRISIS' own experiments." Urius was using a spell which made his voice indestinguishable. It made the sound of it fluctuate in a manner that was inhuman, his black cloak hiding his figure. He did not want Rughal to notice him, or else he would have a problem. The man was notorious in the Mortal Underworld for hating Angels. If he knew what Urius was, he wouldn't accept the terms.

"Hmmm...so you want me to foster some brat in order to get the information? I suppose that ain't bad...." Rughal sighed as he scratched the back of his head, thinking upon it. "However, won't you at least tell me what organization you're coming from? For all I know, you're a fake..."

"I'm giving you the disk and the boy. Beyond that, you have to trust your own instincts, Rughallian," Urius returned sharply, taking from his cloak the small information disk. "Have Tech examine this and then tell me if you still doubt my authenticity...Until then, Rughal."
"Yeah, yeah...just bring the Sahenna kid by. I'll take him in, even if your information is bogus. I can't leave a kid to someone as shady as you." 

  It seemed that Urius had been circumventing some of Rowan's actions all along, for as Urius continued his story, he described his involvement in several major events - ones that had ended up turning in Death's favor down the road, especially where Donovan and Edmund were concerned....

~ ~ ~

Urius stood there and watched from his vantage point, staring over the Sombs to the high white towers. Any moment now, a handful of Shadowshifters, his own son, Rughal, and the rest would be arriving with the hopes of recapturing the stolen Choir Angel, Locke, from the clutches of the brainwashed Yasunari. Little did they know, Urius had seen to it that the major players - Adonis and the female Shadowshifter behind all this - would be absent. Urius could only pray that the meager group would be able to handle Liam and Yasunari on their own.

Urius had gone so far as to set up a screen of smoke for them upon their arrival to Bethelhem. Though they would easily shift inside, Urius was not so certain they could handle all the guards. False orders and some forged paperwork did fine enough for that, sending a majority of them to the Flying Fortress which carried the monster Adonis and that bitch where they wished to go. Only Liam stayed grounded, if only because he never wished to be far from his dear experiments.

He was going behind Rowan's back again...Last time, the lashes had been so severe that he couldn't walk for days. He could only imagine what he would expect now, what with Bethelhem being one of the primary sources of soldiers for whatever Adonis was planning. Still, the expectation that Urius would sit by quietly was not to be met. Pain was a fine trade off for seeing to the long-overdue destruction of that torture fortress. Urius had seen to the weakening of its structure. Now he had only to wait...

"Hmmnn.... well, no wonder that was easier than expected." Death rumbled, raising a brow. Urius had done some very helpful things. The immortal's lips quirked in a slight smile, still watching the weary angel.

 "Bethelhem fell, as you well know, by the destruction your men laid to it," Urius says, seeming a bit more lucid now that he is no longer speaking of his great guilt. Yet the pain of it still weighs heavily on his brow, no longer filling his eyes with that far-off gaze. "Still, it was not the only processing place for Engineered Angels....to be rid of them, I had to be a bit more crafty. If you may well remember, Sahenna had a "mistress" who owned him, as an Angel. That woman was a part-Shadowshifter puppet made by Liam...My task was in finding a way to disable her Restraint - something I repeated in Donovan." 

"With that woman then under my power, I had her place a droplet of Aysel's blood in every capsule which grew the Engineered Angel fetuses. Those shadowy creatures you fought in the final hours of CRISIS were in fact these beasts who, upon being met with your swords, descintrigrated into puddles of blood without ever once activating the soul-capturing God Charms within them....The fact is, Aysel is not the one that gave the Engineered Angels their power. In fact, his blood proved to potent to be used. It killed several of those who were tested with it...However, an infusion of Adonis' blood and Aysel's...the shadowshifter and the God's blood combined...that made Donovan what he is now. It also kept Yasunari trapped under Liam's control. It seems Shadowshifters intensify the effects, as Stannis and I have found out..." Urius' eyes raise to look at his brother and Stannis can only frown and look away. "Stannis has been with me on this from the start...covering it up as I go..."

"And a lot of good that has ever done me," Stannis snarls, glaring at Urius. "I keep the peace and home, keep Roaden , Jinevae, and Christian from worrying...YOU, on the other hand, cause more trouble than I can handle. I don't LIKE lying...least of all for someone I despise."

 "Ahh.... The blood was mixed..." Death mused, worry clouding his features for but a blink of an eye.

"More than mixed," Stannis growls. "I'm not a chemist, I'm not a scientist, but I know those that are...we had a Dimitan mage take a look at the blood and it was infused with some rather powerful spells. It had the power to animate the dead - to keep a human immortal. No doubt Liam just have used it after the explosion to keep living...though now...I really don't think he's going to pop back up when his soul has been consumed." Stannis gave Urius a pointed look for that, Urius hanging his head in shame. He had no memory of the events that had taken place, but he had been told of what he did. Though he did not regret for a moment that such horrible people were dead, there was still the fact that he had destroyed lives so viciously.

 "Would any sort of powerful bloodlines work?" Death asked thoughtfully, head canted as he peered up at Stannis  with one brow raised.

"Why should it matter? The blood that worked was yours, more so than anything to do with Aysel's blood...It was the Shadowshifter blood, however, that allowed Adonis' blood and your blood to fuse. It acted as the binding to hold two greater powers together, as well as the spells that had been cast upon it. This made corpses come to life and souls swap bodies...not strange, considering the fact that you two are Gods," Stannis replied with a stern face, rather displeased about the subject. He certainly did not think that ANYTHING that Liam did was of any good to anyone.

"Hmm... well, do go on, Urius."

"Yes..." Urius says, putting down the water glass he was made to drink while Stannis was talking. Ceata gently brushes back the other's black hair, giving him an encouraging look. Still, the worst of this is over for him...well, most of it, anyway. There is still so much more to explain...His torment is no where near over. 

~ ~ ~

The day that Sahenna died was the sadest day of Urius' life. He had never known such emptiness before as being truly alone. The Angelic war was over, so there was no reason to return to his home. Stannis, with the end of CRISIS, no longer brothered with him - his nephew now dead, he had other problems to deal with involving his own state of affairs. His son Falcon had started his military career and that was far more important than anything Urius had to deal with. so he sat alone, in his large manor, staring sadly into the fire that crackled in the hearth. Rowan's orders had stopped coming. Roaden, Jinevae, and the others all had lives to live.

His existence was utterly pointless.

It was then, that fateful night full of rain and a cold blowing wind, that he finally came back. The sound of knocking at the door woke Urius from his daze and he quickly got up to see who it was that would come calling upon him so late in the evening. The windows shuddered with the howl of the storm outside, making the light of torches flicker off them. The house creekd and groaned as Urius walked into his sparse entryway. He unlocked the many latches, opening the door a bit to see who was on the other side. At once, the door swung open, his heart leaping with both joy and dread, misery and happiness.

"Are you going to let me in or not?" Rowan asked, his voice as smooth as anything. Yet...there was a change to it. A darker tone lay beneath the delightful sound, the one that Urius had been pining for all this time the echoing choir of his maddened dreams. Yet now as Rowan stood before him, shaking idly the rain from his cloak and hat, he did not seem the man Urius knew at all. So changed was he...so dark....Like a dream, he had come back, but he was now warped by the evil undoubtably lurking behind his gaze. Would Urius ever see it again? He did not have to wait long to find the answer.
As Urius went to hang up the cloak and hat, he caught out of the corner of his eye the shadows creeping along the walls as the fire flickered in something like fear. Rowan-Adonis was staring at the blaze, watching the flames lick up the chimney. He smiled slowly for it, his hand pressed against the mantle as he leaned towards the heat.

"I see you've followed all my instructions, Urius....I'm quite pleased. You and I haven't met face to face in nearly two years, hmm? Sahenna is dead...the organization is now back up and running...and CRISIS has been all but obliterated. Everything is running on schedule." 

Cruel fate really, how the two seemed to be drawn together. No escaping it for poor Urius, the man had continued to suffer under those pale hands.

".....Why? Why are you doing this? ...What gains do you have, hurting people and trying to make Humans immortal?! Was CRISIS' whole plot of killing the god Death your doing?!" Urius cried out, unable to keep his voice in. Two years without seeing him, without having the other's whip at his back or hearing his tone...It was enough to drive Urius mad. Even if he was to be beaten, he wouldn't care, so long as it would be those hands that did it.
Adonis merely turned and looked to the other, his face that of Rowan's and his eyes almost all green with little flecks of red in them. Still, Urius knew that it was not Rowan. It could never really be Rowan again.

"What does it matter, Urius? You already signed your heart away to Rowan, your immortality to me...As far as I'm concerned, you have no right to know. You're a pawn and that is how you'll stay - learn to like it," Adonis replied stiffly before going over towards the couch that sat before the fireplace, picking up some papers that Urius had there. He read them over, seeing all the financial reports from the businesses that Urius had been ordered to keep going in order to amass a great deal of money. Looking to it, Adonis smiled and let the paper fall back to the table.

"You....You bastard, you said that Sahenna would never be hurt.....My boy is DEAD because of you!!!" Urius continued to growl, though he knew that it was simply noise. His words would never take effect - certainly not on a heartless monster like this. Still, he couldn't help but feel the  ache deep down. His little boy...How it hurt him to think of his final moments. He had been such a terrible father.

"I didn't hurt your son...he died of his own accord, because he couldn't handle living anymore. He, like you, was a coward," Adonis smiled and looked to Urius. "But that's not what I came here for...The fact is that Rowan still does not forgive you. He despises you with every ounce of his being, which is why I am the predominant personality now...His hatred is the gateway to my awakening, so I'm afraid I'm going to need to use you to further that hatred, hmm? Or, at the very least, my agenda..."

Urius looked at once angered by this suggestion, his teeth gritting. Even though he looked as though he would protest, Urius knew that he couldn't resist Adonis...It was so unfair. Who should he follow? His master, whose last sane request when Urius saw him last was for the poor heartsick Starc to kill him....or the beast that had become his Master - a creature intent on destroying everything he loved. Either way, Urius' choices would not come easy. 

Death leaned closer, listening with his dark eyes wide. The more he heard of Adonis' true nature and cruelty and how it was connected to Urius, the more intrigued he became. More so how these gods came to be born into them...

~ ~ ~

"Now you're going to be quiet...and you're going to do what I say. Until Rowan decides to pop back to the surface, I'm still your master, right?" Adonis said with a smile as he stared at Urius. He had never felt so powerless in his life. On the one hand, Rowan hated him...his eyes no longer passed over Urius in the regard of a friend, confidant, or anything really...Beyond the moments when Rowan would beg for freedom from the mortal coil, he did not look to Urius with any emotion. He had made it very clear that he would never forgive Urius for the betrayal he had suffered....Honestly, Urius didn't feel like he would ever be deserving of forgiveness. He had fallen so swiftly from grace, it seemed, that to recover it would seem an affront to those he had harmed by his foolish actions. He was lower than any dirt...and had no right to ask God or Rowan for his forgiveness.

"Yes...." Urius said softly, staring at the ground. He could not fight Adonis, he could not kill Rowan....He could not do  anything. Slowly, happiness and all its forms left him until he was as hollow as his eldest brother - a cold robotic machine that was the pictureqsue version of his species.

And it all had been Urius fault. So easily he could have made things right, but he had been foolish and selfish and did things that should not have been done. He had payed gravely for it.

 "Some time passed and I was able to continue life under Adonis' rule...At times, Rowan would come back, though his personality was always diluted by the evil I had come to hate with all my being...Yet, out of love for Rowan, I couldn't do it...I couldn't give him his one final wish - the one order I would never obey....I couldn't kill him," Urius says softly as he stares down at his hands, his brow once more furrowed with the pain of his past. "I am a terrible person, I know....I thought, in all things, I deserved to die....but then...." Urius raised his eyes to look at Ceata. "I....saved a little boy one day. I did not know it, but...he would become my savior. It felt good, for once...to not be a monster in someone's eyes. Though....I wonder if that perspective...might have changed now..."

Mismatched eyes widened, but the lad's lips curled in a reassuring smile when Urius looked at him with his sad grey-violet eyes.  Urius would never be a monster to him, no matter what he did to him. It was the other thing inside Urius that was the monster and the one Ceata feared. What had it been? Over eight years since he had met Urius and found his first 'love'? So long.

"Things change, but not necessarily for the worst." Was his simple reply.